This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I saw a documentary once, about a young man in Australia. Over a few lagers, the young men discussed the things that might be  possible. He found himself on the wrong end of a wager, for money he didn’t have. Asserting that he could circle the continent on his motorcycle in three weeks. At first, it was just a small story in local papers about his quest. Then as he neared the half-way point, it became a national story. A network sent out a camera team to follow him and report on his progress.

Every day, the same thing. You set up the camera and the kid goes whizzing by at 60 Mph followed by a cloud of dust. Break down the camera and get about twenty miles down the road ahead of him, and set up to do it all over again. It was a good story, but there wasn’t much to see. So as the TV truck went speeding ahead, they found a washed-out section of the dirt road that almost made them wreck their van. So, they chose that spot to set up the camera, so they could get a good shot of the biker when he reached the washout. Sure, they could have warned him, but what kind of fun TV would that be?

They didn’t want to miss a single second of the accident, as the biker took to the air and the motorcycle tumbled off alone in the other direction. It was a great camera shot, and really punched up a slow story. The drama of the injured man and his battered machine. “Will he be able to continue his quest? What could have caused him to lose control of his motorcycle, so unexpectedly? Could it have been his weariness, causing a momentary lapse that led to his fall! Or perhaps, he was daydreaming about his soon to be riches. A split-second distraction which caused him to fail.”

“What will become of us? If we show up back at the TV station with two weeks of expense vouchers for three. Gas tickets, per diem, hotel bills with three hours of footage of a motorcycle whizzing by on a dirt road, day after day.”

If you can’t find a story about arson, buy some Ohio Blue Tips, and leave them by an Elementary School and wait. When I was in Atlanta, the story was about a big party being thrown. To celebrate the opening of a Brand-new Homeless Shelter with streamers and champagne and dignitaries and rah-rah speeches. “They endeavor to persevere no matter what god-awful stumbling blocks we place in their path. They are to be commended! Come on everybody, a big round of applause for the homeless!”

What they didn’t bother to mention was the new, smaller shelter was more than a mile from the bus line. And was set to replace a larger shelter, right across the street from the MARTA station. They chloroformed the old building and loan and hosted a party, so the media could see what good public stewards they were. Helping the homeless like that. What a nice man that Mr. Potter is.

I had a customer in Birmingham, named Walter. He had a well-earned reputation for being one of the most difficult people in the engine business to get along with, ever to throw a shadow in the state of Alabama. But Walter was a stocking dealer, and if you needed one today in Birmingham, you were going to have to speak with Walter. As a salesman, I would spend time waiting for Walter. I would read the nice articles under glass posted on the wall clipped from the newspaper, “Walter and his friendly, helpful staff can’t wait to assist you!” It was hard not to laugh.

Apparently, I had it all wrong. I was only hearing from a few sore heads, angry because Walter wouldn’t give them a discount or credit or charged them high freight charges. There it was in Black & White, Walter and his friendly staff! The newspaper would do a puff piece on the business for the Sunday paper. For every so many thousands of advertising dollars Walter spent each year. The story is about getting the customer’s check cashed, keeping the boss off their back. Taking the wife to Vegas or buying the kid an X-box.

I see, but don’t read the doom stories of the Biden Administration. “Is this the worst Presidency ever? Why do Americans hate Joe Biden? Why are his poll number so low?” Well, unlike past Presidents, Joe Biden has had to deal with a seditious, criminal disloyal opposition. Despite leading the nation through, a pandemic and trying to do the right and decent thing. Cranks and lunatics grab most of the headlines. Setting  their hair on fire or declaring their divine right to carry a bazooka into the congressional bathroom. He faces low poll numbers, “Wha! The price of gas went up! It’s all Joe Biden’s fault! Wha! A box of Rice a Roni went up by .50 cents! Damn you, Joe Biden!

Amnesia American style: with the Winston Smith Method, anyone can be taught to forget anything, in no time at all.

With the Extreme Court ruling against Twump the other day. I went to see what story Faux News had as the banner on their website. “Judge Jeannie – Now knows, why Hillary used her private e-mail server!”

Two years ago, we had stumbling dunderhead, listening to his pillow expert and drunken attorney . Leading the charge against masks and immunizations. Cattle wormer! Drink your own piss! Jimmy the census. Stick a lightbulb up your ass and fuck up the Post office! Let the Iranians rocket our military base, so we don’t start a war, after we tried to start one. Tax cuts for the rich and the bill for you!

One year ago, a seditious bastard attempted to usurp the office of the Presidency in a riot and a failed Coup de tat. Gee, I really miss the good ole days, don’t you?

Biden maintains a razor thin margin in the house and an invisible margin in the Senate. Yet passed a Covid stimulus to help keep people going. In 2008, we didn’t get any stimulus and we were just gone and washed out into the street. In spite of seditious and disloyal reactionary Republican politics, they also passed an infrastructure bill, they said would never be passed.

A pandemic and it’s variants dogs the entire world, and it’s all Joe Biden’s fault. The Republicans have become the pro-pandemic party. The party of whining and complaining, and the media is going to sell any story that gives aide and comfort to their complaint to their audience. What results do you want, and I’ll get you the poll to match them? You don’t generate a poll to write a news story. You write a news story to fit the poll you commissioned. We asked 200 Americans at random at the Ferrari dealership in the Hamptons, what they thought about Joe Biden? We interviewed 500 random Americans in the club house at Pebble Beach.

“Are you happier now with higher fuel and Rice a Roni prices, than you were a year ago?”

“In the face of the second year of the pandemic are you growing tired of the political leadership?”

There’s no excitement in just watching someone trying do their job under historic, near impossible conditions. What’s exciting is to set up the camera and wait for them to fall. “Wow! Did you see that!” Just tell them how great the new smaller shelter is going to be. And how Walter and his friendly staff are anxious to help you!

Amnesia American style: with the Winston Smith Method, anyone can be taught to forget anything, in no time at all.

“Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.”
― Hunter S. Thompson