This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It is humor that is our emotional pop-off valve. The mind trying to re-create the joke after only hearing the punch line. (Flush, flush, flush, flush, flush.) Are you all right in there sir? (Flush, flush, flush, flush, flush.) “I’m fine! Be right out!” (Flush, flush, flush, flush, flush.) Do you need any help or anything sir? Like a plumber maybe sir, is there anyone I could call for you? (Flush, flush, flush, flush, flush.) “I’m okay, be right out! I had a bean Burrito for lunch!” (Flush, flush, flush, flush, flush.) Mr. President, I don’t mean to be impertinent, but there are others waiting. “Okay, be right out!” (Flush, flush, flush, flush, flush.)

But like the old movie serials, when the going gets tough, you simply change the subject. Twump is concocting or resurrecting, yet another tale of how the world is being mean and is picking on him. Yet another tale of that dark villain and mistress of the night. The evil Hillary Clinton strikes again! “Last week as you remember, our hero was prattling on and on, about how elections weren’t fair, and how everyone cheated, and he really won.  This week however, the plot shifts entirely to this week’s venue. Chapter 564 – How Hillary Got Me Again!”

A flashback scene with new wrinkles, how secret agents (Add spy music) working for Hillary used computers to try and hack his campaign. This from the man who once said, “Russia, if you’re listening.” Asking for foreign interference in an election. This from a man complaining about an election that he won. But as Ron Popiel used to say, “but wait there’s more!”  Doctor Strange Twump says such agents, committing such crimes, should be executed!  

Say’s the man who provoked the January 6^th insurrection, who now says, that people like him, should be put to death! Of course, he didn’t actually say that. It’s part of his cosmic cluelessness and part perpetual liar, to claim victimhood through righteousness. “I’m pure as the driven snow, but those others…should be executed. Boy, that sure sounds tough. But is it tough enough to get through the head of Tootie and Muldoon? That if he would execute those criminals, he would execute them also.  It’s an easy governmental solution, that tends to get easier with practice. Vote Twump – he’d kill people!

During Patty Hurst’s confinement by the Symbionese Liberation Army, Hurst claimed she was forced to record statements and participate in criminal acts. She was kept confined in a closet and only given selective information. I wonder if the Republicans will claim that same defense. As they are forced to bow and scrap in the orange one’s presence. Twump uses his other hand to put forth alternative Republican candidates, effectively splitting the party. “We didn’t know, we were working for the guy trying to destroy our Party.”

Mitch McConnell knows and is working behind the scenes, to help those main line Republicans versus Doctor Strange Twump.  Doctor Strange Twump,  is using all of his influence trying to unseat main line Republicans and replace them with his own droids. It won’t be long before they fire on Fort Sumter. “Be with us again next time, for another exciting adventure in Chapter 565 of – How Hillary Got Me Again!”

If you play the short game, you only look at current statistics. But if you play the long game, you look at the historical record. The historical record says that older people tend to vote absentee. The historical record also says that those same older people, are just as likely to vote Republican as Democrat. In Texas, where absentee ballot applications are being rejected at a record rate. Which group of voters is more likely to say just fuck it! And which group is most likely to just go stand in line?

You can’t gerrymander unpopularity. Once the Republicans begin fighting with Doctor Strange Twump, it will quickly escalate and become a brother against brother, Republican Civil War.

Now, if you’re the Party that spent the last two years, telling the public to ignore mask mandates and vaccinations. And if you are related to one of the 82,000 dead Texans from Covid, who are you voting for? “Let’s vote for the Party that killed grand ma.” And of all the dead Texans, they won’t cast one single Republican vote. 82,000 of the people most likely to have listened to them are now dead. Good Job Fellas.

Congressman Ryan’s here! Quick drink the Kool Aid! Oh, wait, never mind, it’s just the mail plane.

So as the story goes, Twump was on the golf course, when the news of the Stormy Daniels affair broke. Twump tried to call Malaria from his phone, but Malaria wasn’t picking up. “What Whoa!” So, ever resourceful, Twump borrowed a secret service agents’ phone and called the wife! Leading to a very testy and uncomfortable situation, for everyone involved. “But! Wait! Honey hear me out! Yeah,  I know, but. Please, just hear me out! I don’t how she knew it was a mushroom! A lucky guess! But, but, but honey!”

The January 6^th committee has subpoenaed one  Rudolph Giuliani to testify. (Just a hint fellas; for best results, you might want to catch him on your morning calendar.) Once those two for one, frozen margarita specials kick in the results could be unpredictable or very interesting, just depending on the circumstances. Why, I bet if we met at the Acapulco restaurant and lounge, and I bought the drinks. I bet Rudy would tell me everything.

It’s has become almost a clown show now, how many Shriners can you fit in that little car? What is left of the Republican main line is preaching avoidance of the 2020 lies as, a sure loser in the mid-terms. Even friend of the family, Chris Christie warns Twump to drop it. Trying to talk him down from his death wish. As the pro Godzilla Party points toward Washington and votes for their own destruction. Like the last scene in Doctor Strange Love. Slim Pickens riding the bomb down on Republican headquarters, cowboy style.

“Yea ha, I’ll get you all! You didn’t support me enough when I tried to overthrow the government. So now, I’m going to destroy you all! Jimmy Cagney in White Heat.  Yelling, “Come and get me Coppers!”