This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

This situation is intolerable. There’s only one thing left to do. Call my lawyer! We’re going to sue and sue and sue! Until that telephone starts ringing again, and Faux News invites me back on the air! You can’t hardly be a Republican these days anymore, without a grievance. Unless you’ve been thrown off an airliner or the CIA is following you home. Their phones are being tapped, and deep state is out to get them! “Look what they done to my song, Ma.” Pick up your cross and run for office.

Sarah Palin claimed in a lawsuit against the New York Times. That the paper had defamed her with a one-time, one-line mischaracterization, in one edition of the paper. Noted and corrected, with a published  apology to follow. Palin claimed that this defamed her and did damage to her reputation. That it had nothing to do with her slurred speech or her erratic behavior at speaking engagements. I know, let’s sue somebody! Then the cameras will have to come back!

Lawsuit for attention getting, in a vain attempt to stay relevant. As the distant memory of what a former Vice-Presidential candidates can often become, presents itself. The judge in the case, overruled a still sitting jury to declare “Bovine Excrementatis!” Declaring there was no case to hear, the plaintiff hasn’t met the minimum standard or really brought a case at all. She filed some papers with the court making some claims, and is now being sent home.  The court has ruled that they aren’t going to do anything at all about that damn radio, she hears playing inside her head.

“This is Major Tom to ground control! I’m stepping through the door!” But think of this as foreplay, you can’t be a Republican in this town, unless some secret organization is out to get you. Now why would college educated attorneys, sign on to make a big whoop and waste the court’s time? No one in the building was surprised by the judge’s decision. No one does this for fun; these lawyers make the big bucks, plus bus fare and lunch. Somebody is writing big checks to make this happen.

There are several rather large defamation lawsuits in the offing, against several rather large Republican media outlets and personalities. To prove defamation, you must prove that they deliberately misrepresented a story for the express purpose of intentionally causing you harm.

Like just hypothetically;  a news outlet ran stories that your voting machines are crooked and throwing elections, without any proof. Even in places where your machines aren’t even being used. That they were being financed by dead Hugo Chavez, built by the Great Satan himself, with an opening prayer by Jane Fonda. And even after being corrected in writing, you neither retract nor apologize, for the story or your behavior. Something like that, sounds sort of like defamation.

Oh, but when a Conservative sues for defamation, they get bounced out of the courthouse on their ear! But when a Conservative gets sued for defamation, the courts bend over backwards. Oh, Lawd children, the world is out to get us because of our political views and not our unethical behavior. Quick, put the law on trial in the court of public opinion. So, let’s paint in some happy little trees and some happy little legal back story for why the court will probably rule against us. Because the court is mean and unfair to conservatives. That’s called priming your own pump.

Or what some might call, pumping your own prime. A Florida Judge dismissed the 100 million dollar lawsuit of a Mr. George Zimmerman Vs. the family of Trevon Martin. That’s a sign post, a marker in the dust. He’s almost out of fame, fortune and his 15 minutes are up. “What are you going to do, after the monies gone?” I’ll sue the family!

How galling it must be for him. To see that little fat bastard paraded through the halls of Congress. While he’s treated as a pariah (Pariah – Marge Taylor Greene definition – a meat eating fish with big teeth) Why he must be saying to himself, “What makes him so special? I shot innocent people too! Why don’t they love me anymore?”

Somewhere out in Internet land, a DUI suspect supposedly sued his victims and won. And so, the desperate and the copycats, come out of the woodwork to throw their best hail Mary.

It was alleged in the Zimmerman suit, that the Martin family conspired to defame George Zimmerman and sully his reputation, with a fraudulent scheme to make him look like a racist murderer! Yes, most definitely, the money is almost gone. That’s the only reason to sign onto that non-sense, is because it’s on the way to the plasma center anyhow.

And in a self-perpetuating story, Faux News reported that the Clinton campaign paid a technology company to attempt to hack Twump campaign servers. The irony being the Twump campaign is alleged to have used a hostile foreign power to hack the Clinton servers. A charge despite evidence, quickly dismissed out of hand by the followers of the great orange Gazu. Mike Flynn was pardoned after being found guilty. He’s pardoned from any further legal repercussions, but is still guilty.

Relitigating the 2016 election, because Twump doesn’t want to talk about the 2020 election anymore. “Look what they tried to do in that election I won!” A group congressional Republicans are said to be meeting on the quiet, to discuss what to do about the ever-expanding Twump problem. The orange whale has washed up on a tourist beach. And it won’t be long, until the smell gets worse. How are we going to get rid of that old orange carcass before November?

Twump calls for death penalties for the Clinton aides, but now, only Jim Jordan answers faithfully, “Good Idea, boss!” The bunker is largely empty now. The fun time Fascists have fled the Florida aire. They hold up the applause sign, but only Jim still applauds, without ever noticing, that he’s all alone.

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“And so, castles made of sand,

melt into the sea eventually.“

– James Marshall Hendrix