This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

In our last whacky adventure, Donald Twump man about town and man who would be King. Was trying to save his sinking election prospects which he had been warned about well in advance. He calls Brian Kemp and just by the by, blatantly asks the Governor of Georgia to commit felony election fraud. Very similar in approach to the mafia, “I need for you to do me a favor.” He says, in his heavy accent, as he puts his arm around your shoulder and walks you towards the limo.

Kemp to his credit wasn’t buying the goods. He played the babe in the woods, “What are you talking about? How could I find you votes? (Is this thing on?) If anyone happens to be listening, I said, how could I do that?” But apparently, Twump had made several calls around the state Capitol and had drawn the attention of the State’s Attorney General, even before calling Kemp. Under the old motto, “What’s good for me is good for me.” The Attorney General begins an investigation into Twump for election tampering.

Twump gets angry and puts the Twump talk mojo, smack down on Kemp. Because in Twump world, you either write a check or slap a back, and it all goes away. Twump doesn’t understand, the Attorney General isn’t an hourly employee, hired by Kemp to fry chicken in his spare time. For Kemp there is no upside in this, “Oh, I see you’ve stepped in some dogshit. Here, let me help you scrape your shoe.”

As the investigation continues, Twump sends Kemp a back-channel message. He calls former governor and sycophant Sonny Perdue and asks, “You want be the Governor of Rock Ridge? I mean, Georgia. The current Governor has displeased me. So, I am dismissing him and anointing someone else and thought about you! Not a lot of work involved after I endorse you. Make a few public appearances and kiss a few babies, and show up for the Inauguration. After, I endorse you, you can go ahead call the moving company.”

Twump glares back at Kemp, “Can’t you take a hint? If the investigation goes away, so does Sonny.” Twumpy will primary a sitting Republican governor, because he made him mad. He didn’t do what he was told and now, must be made to pay the political price.

But in yet another sign of Twump discorporation. Perdue struggles to gain any traction in his campaign, caused primarily by a lack of large donations or major endorsements of any kind. In an unsuccessful Senate campaign, Perdue had raised $100 million dollars. So far, his campaign in service of Twump, he’s raised a whopping $1.2 million. Brian Kemp has raised double that amount. And Kemp has almost $13 million in the bank to Perdue’s $900,000 cash on hand.

The rising smell of failure haunts the campaign.

“I’m going up against an incumbent governor. I’m a big boy, I knew that. This is no surprise. They’re going to outspend us five or six or seven times,” Perdue said. “But we’re not getting out of this race.”

Try ten times. They’ll out spend you by ten times. It’s a sure sign of failure, when the candidate is talking about “Not getting out of the race” and its Valentines Day. We’re gonna fight, fight, fight all the way to May or June if we have too! Or whenever Twump says we can all quit this foolishness and go home.”

But the withered small orange hand draws back a nub. Little Jackie Paper no longer visits Puff by the lane and the orange scales have begun to fall off in clumps. A communique is delivered to the Mira Lago bunker complex. “THE FUTURE HAS ARRIVED STOP AND YOU’RE NOT IN IT! STOP”

Turned back from the gates of Atlanta in full retreat towards I-20. Twump influence is nil, a bug butt on the windshield. A minor annoyance solved with a push of the windshield washer button. Twump Country = Nil, zip and zero. Reports say that Twump is also disappointed in Perdue’s campaign performance, and wonders what Perdue is doing wrong. After all, Twump endorsed him. What else does he need?

This is not to say that Twump has no supporters. But like the Civil War in 1865, the Confederacy still had supporters, it just didn’t have an army anymore. You can rah, rah till the cows come home, if you want. Fly flags from your pickup truck or spray paint the barn, so they can see it from the highway. But political support is weak and waning. It’s the Georgia Republican Party against the Sonny Perdue and Donald Twump Road show, and it ain’t even close. “I’ll fight on to September maybe!”

A large lightning bolt and thunder crash, frightening to all the Twump proxies running as vengeance markers for the orange mahatma in the upcoming midterms. You can only be new once, then you’re old forever. Then you’re no better than your greatest hits album. Only your true friends will stick by you then, and so far, the only true friend to stick by Twump is Jim Jordan. That’s almost sadly comical, “Don’t worry boss, you still got me!” Don’t worry Skipper; you still got Gilligan.

Someone should write an opera about all this, dismounting his donkey he’s charged his last windmill. He’s tried to fight the Gods and been beaten back only by the strength of the courts and laws. But now, his strength done ended. His world up ended and his money spended. Only the wheeler dealers and the squealers, still remain as the “Happy Times” are now over. Most of the guests have departed. They’re gonna haul the old tugboat down to the scrap yard before long. Make way for bigger and better. New and improved, out with the old and in with the new. “But I was really BIG once. The biggest ever!”

They won’t even address Twump directly when they speak about him at all. It’s as if they’re talking about somebody else. Speaking euphemistically or hypothetically, about all the great candidates (Except You!) the Republicans have. The sad old character actor, puttering around his Mira Lago old actors’ home and prison grounds. Cheating at golf and reading his fan mail sent by the staff. There must be some good dramatics in there somewhere. Attach a few snappy tunes in Italian, a couple of nice dance numbers and maybe, some scantily clad dancing girls and there you go. Hit of the Opera season, entitled, “It’s Not the Fall that Kills You!” The Donald Twump Story.