This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Please don’t make me write about Ron DeSantis again. Oh no, please not that, not again. Wouldn’t you rather read about Mike Pence and his medieval belief in magic?  Mike Pence supports a ban on abortion that even includes non-viable pregnancies because Mike Pence believes in magic. He’s heard stories of women told their pregnancies were non-viable that delivered healthy babies, to which I say is absolute and complete bullshit.

Facts? Who needs facts? Throw the textbooks away; I heard a story once where everything turned out  wonderful. Doctors and technology, what do they know? Pence supports life, and he’s not ashamed to invoke cruelty in the name of his religious beliefs. Because he heard a story once that supports his own point of view. We live in the 21^st Century, like it or not and cruelty in the name of ancient medieval thinking has no place at the table in our modern world.

If the doctor tells you the pregnancy is non-viable take it to the bank. Get a second opinion if you like, but don’t be surprised. It is cruel to the point of sadism but that’s why they call them religious extremists. Gimme dat old-time religion. Gimme dat old-time religion! Maybe magic will happen, maybe a miracle and everything will be alright. That is complete lunacy. To escape reality and invoke cruelty in the name of magic thinking and Republican politics. God save me from any religion that invokes cruelty in the name of God.

The same thinking that would have you throw virgins into a volcano or execute prisoners appease God to make the harvest plentiful. You have a right to your religion, but you don’t have a right to your cruelty. Want to know why your church is half-empty?

Okay, let’s lighten things up a bit. It is Monday after all. George Santos, the still in Congress comic relief George Santos has repaid $85,000 of the $700,000 he loaned himself. The same $700,000 he can’t explain where it came from. I loved this part of the story describing his reelection campaign “is closely watched.” I have a better chance of being elected a congressman from New York than George Santos, and I live in Arizona.

But what is truly amazing is George of the swindle raised $138,000 for his reelection campaign. George puts the Con in Conservative. Where and how do I get into that line? Who in their right fucking mind would give George Santos cash money for a campaign donation? The dude is under Federal felony indictment and is out on bail for Pete’s sake. His reelection chances are slim and none, and slim has left town.

It is stunning in its decrepitude, and we haven’t even reached Donald Trump yet. It’s a crooked crap game and tent revival all rolled into one. Okay, I’m stuck and it’s unavoidable, like horse shit in a stable. The other day the Rectum Ron DeSantis campaign bragged about how much money they’ve raised. Oh, it’s a groundswell of public support it is and then they passed out pink slips the following week.

Too many hogs at the trough and so they avoid the truth. Ron is not making any headway in attempting to take down Trump. Those who have given to DeSantis have already given the max and can give no more and the pool is drying up like DeSantis’s campaign itself. DeSantis hints the Iowa Governor could be his running mate. In Iowa, no less hint, hint! That’s the delicate sound of desperate pandering and attempting to ingratiate himself with Iowa voters.

“You guys really know how to rock here in (reads back of guitar) Springfield!”

Ah, the best laid plans of mice and men. “Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look; he thinks too much: such men are dangerous.”

“Baravelli may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.” –Groucho Marx

DeSantis is a victim of his own ambition and hubris. He’s laid it on too thick and spread it around with a trowel. He mistakenly thought he could win higher office by scapegoating. Attacking LBGTQ and libraries and imaginary wokeism. The tough strong conservative who then paints himself as the pitiful victim of media persecution.  

“I don’t believe in anti-anything. A man has to have a program; you have to be for something, otherwise you will never get anywhere.” ― Harry S. Truman

But to get ahead in today’s Republican Party you must put the ass in asinine. Ted Cruz is attacking the new Barbie movie as Chinese Communist propaganda. I would suspect the target audience of the film as little girls under the age of twelve. But Ted explains there is a map shown in the film of disputed ocean waters, which has caused all the brew ha-ha.  

Daddy, do the Chinese Communists really have sovereignty over the entire South China Sea? I was watching the new Barbie movie and it says they do.  Is Garfield the cat really related to the British Royal family? Does Superman vote? He’s an illegal alien you know, and he puts qualified American super heroes out of work by taking their jobs. His driver’s license is no longer valid in Florida.

It’s all magic! They find a dime bag of cocaine in the west wing offices of the White House. And Fox News runs with the story. Asking if they’ve checked for fingerprints! Checked for fingerprints? Get me the FBI stat! Certain the cocaine belongs to the Bidens. Because it’s magic! It must be the Biden’s cocaine because we believe it! Because we want to believe it! Never mind facts or logic. If I were President and liked to do Cocaine, you’d need lunch box to carry it in not a dime bag. Excuse me, Mr. Musk. But is this your Walmart bag?

“You are about to enter another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop—The Republican Zone.”