This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Oh, say can you see by the dawn’s early light? Ron DeSantis is trailing Donald Trump by thirty points or better in the polling yet offers graciously, if he’s elected President, to pardon Donald Trump. Yep, and when I fight the heavyweight champ for the title. I’m going to go easy on him for the first couple of rounds. But notice how the subject has changed.

Two weeks or a month ago, such a statement would have been impossible. The official Republican line was this was all a political prosecution. Donald is as innocent as a little fluffy lamb, and he’s being unfairly persecuted when he’s done absolutely nothing wrong. Let’s move those goal posts over here! “I’d pardon Donald Trump just like Ford pardoned Nixon.” Ah, something new from the great Gazoo.

Humble or hubris? Why sure, I’m such a nice guy that when I’m elected, I’ll pardon the old duffer. Bless his pointed little head. DeSantis is on his campaign reset, “I’m really a nice guy” tour. But the problem DeSantis faces is many Republicans don’t like him. And most of all, Trump supporters don’t like him most of all. Polling shows Trump supporters won’t vote for DeSantis period. Trump has singled out DeSantis and put the double Juju hex and placed the evil eye on him.

So, you must really ask yourself just how wise it was to offer up a pardon. To a man who hasn’t gone to trial or been convicted of anything yet. When Trump supporters don’t think his orangeness is guilty of anything anyway. Doesn’t the DeSantis campaign watch Fox News? But it is the dawn’s morning light that is shining through the window. And no, you don’t want to get up out of bed, but you know that you must. It is no longer avoidable.

Do you know who can tell truth? A Republican who’s already lost his office, that’s who. Former Representative Will Hurd spoke in Iowa at the Lincoln “Whose afraid of the big bad wolf?” Dinner. Hurd spoke about the future of the GOP. Stating no Republican has won the popular vote in a national election in 18 years. That’s called a knuckleball, saying something without naming any names.

Out on the road with his snowball’s chance in a volcano tour. Hurd is running for the Presidency on a positive message. “The GOP can’t be the Party of the past. We need to be the Party of the Future.”

“The American dream seems less like reality with each passing day. So many of my opponents are more concerned with Disney than kitchen table issues. (Take that Ron DeSantis!) Too embroiled in the latest scandal to deal with real problems we all face as Americans.”(Take that Trump!)

But do you know what the real problem is? It’s Donald fucking* Trump! (*Authors emphasis)That’s the real problem! (Audience gasps) You had to know it would come to this someday. Sooner or later, someone was bound to mention the orange emperor has no clothes. And rather than the hook coming out or lightning bolts striking from Mount Olympus Hurd was greeted by an equal number of Boos and applause.

Fox News says Hurd booed off the stage, which is actually correct, without being factually correct. But what did you expect Fox News to say? Hurd dropped his bombshell at the end of his speech and walked off. But the fact remains that Hurd said it. In April, Mike Pence was booed in his home state just for showing up at the NRA convention. Now, Pence has quadrupled his support from 1% to 4%.

Image the Pope saying, “well maybe Jesus wasn’t the messiah, who knows?” Hurd has spoken the ultimate heresy. The Republican problem is Trump! And Hurd is correct, not that it will do him any good in the primaries, but he said it all the same. The magic spell is broken. The unspeakable has been spoken.

Hurd has stormed the temple of Apollo and proved Apollo is just a marble statue in a building. The light is coming on inside the Republican Party. The slow realization that as Hurd correctly stated. “Donald Trump isn’t running for President to make America great again…Donald Trump is running to stay out of prison.”

Boy, I sure remember those old Steve Reeves Hercules movies. Back in the day, when we laughed at superhero movies instead considering them cinematic masterpieces. Steve would always be chained to the Greek columns, and with his super-human strength. Steve would pull down the columns and the temple would collapse in the final climax scene and kill all the bad guys. That’s what Will Hurd just did.

He can’t unsay it, and they can’t unhear it.

Trump is now fair game. Do you agree with Will Hurd? Or Do you agree with Ron DeSantis? If elected, would you pardon Donald Trump?

The evidence is piling up, and Fox News can talk about Hunter Biden’s love child all they want. But Trump’s actions in trying to delete the security video from the server shows a consciousness of guilt. Oh, the sweet, sweet irony! Who? Oh, who, was it Donald Trump used to accuse of deleting stuff off a server?

Trump responds to his lastest indictment by telling his wife Malaria Trump that he’s about to be indicted again. For what, she asked. “I dunno” he responds. Being Donald Trump’s wife must be a tough job. She can’t laugh, and can’t go ahead and tell him, why he’s being indicted…again.  She must remain mute, “Oh, that’s terrible Punkie. How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

Trump’s denials and excuses are wearing thin and beginning to sound tinny. Now, they’re putting pressure on my real fine employees. And I was just about to give them all big raises too! After all, they are my security tapes! (And the lawyers all go, Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!) And I didn’t have to give them video! Yes, you did, they had a subpoena for them.

The rat can’t find the cheese anymore and has become lost in the legal maze. The more Trump tries to defend himself the more he sinks his own boat. And now, the unspeakable has been spoken. And the light has come on inside the Republican Party. And once said, it can’t be unsaid.

Come gather ’round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You’ll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin’
And you better start swimmin’
Or you’ll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin’

-Bob Dylan