This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It is the reason Ron DeSantis will never be the President of the United States. “Florida to take William Shakespeare out of the curriculum.” Along with AP African American studies and AP Psychology, and now great literature. Next, we remove all the Satanic and Islamic math and hold a prayer breakfast for salvation hour after Bible class. It gives viewers in the rest of the world this perception that Florida is being run by crazy people.

For every vote DeSantis attracts, he repels two. That shit might sell good in Jacksonville or at the Villages, but nationwide, it is a nonstarter. And DeSantis didn’t make them crazy or didn’t lead them there to being crazy. Ron just opened the door of the monkey cage and set them all free. With his “Don’t say Gay” Legislation any crank sober enough to complain and sign their name on a paper can question the educational correctness of anything.

Now, there’s Ron out on the road in Corn patch, Iowa busting his ass. Trying his damndest to convince those good people he’s normal and mainstream and electable and everything. When wham! “Florida to ban Shakespeare!” On top of book banning’s and turf wars with Mickey Mouse. Ron becomes the poster child for every Republican (just makes you just shake your head) bad idea or extremism.

You know, Slavery wasn’t really all that bad. Sort of like a trade school with room and board included. I’m sure Ron will back me up on this! Won’t you Ron? Top three things a Presidential candidate doesn’t need. 1. A debate on the merits of slavery. 2. A sex scandal! 3.Money trouble.

Ron lets the campaign define him. He’s not running a campaign, Ron’s just barely hanging on to its tail. He’s supposed to be defining himself and creating a grand vision for America. Not battling brush fires on crazy local school boards. Boards made up of those only too happy to help him with their support. Read your Bible! There isn’t much you can count on in life, but I know two things for sure. I will never be President, and neither will Ron DeSantis.

He’s every Republican’s second choice and nobody’s first choice. Ron’s got that patent medicine salesman smile and shady investment broker look about him with the stale breath of Nixon all over him. DeSantis needs to make nice with America. Be nice Ron! Maybe hit a softball someplace or maybe be the honorary judge at the pie eating contest at the state fair. When wham! With friends like those, who needs enemies?

Ron’s only hope is that the big orange Kahuna tuna takes an inadvertent fall. The heir and the spare. But as long as Trump still runs or walks, DeSantis is only pissing in the wind. The two camps are polarized against each other. The two camps had a shouting match in Iowa the other day, “You know he lost!” Oh, it’s sweet music to my ears.

The acceptance of Trump’s guilt is beginning to sink in and take root among the Republican faithful. The doubt has been sown and they are beginning to question if it isn’t time for a change maybe. They’ve ridden this Trump pony as far as they can and maybe now, it’s time to get off.

Every day the scandal expands, and the news is always bad. More possible indictments and more investigations coming as the evidence shows the Trump campaign was involved in even more Georgia election shenanigans. What will be the straw that eventually breaks the camel’s back? How long can Trump run with wolves at his heels and the cancer of it was obvious all along, infecting his orange cult.

Nowhere to run too, it’s Trump or nobody. But the future looks so dark that conservatives from the Federalist Society pointed out unasked, reasons why Trump can’t run. That is truly an astounding turn of events! Conservatives who don’t want to go along for the ride with the Kamikazes or drink the hemlock. Make their friendly pitches from the gallery. “He can’t run, you know! It wouldn’t be legal!

 Well sure, I like him fine but just as a point of law.” Like Republicans care about the law. They are stuck with Trump and are going to be dragged through the carwash because of him.

There is no Republican number two waiting in the wings, only number one and the small group of unbalanced fractions. The Trumpers hate the Desatinites, so he’s out.  Vivek Ramaswamy? I don’t think so, not in this Republican universe. President Ramaswamy; rolls right off your tongue, doesn’t it?

Or the absent-minded Professor Mike Pence. He’s got the memory capacity of Cheech and Chong some days. He doesn’t remember if he was told about the phony elector’s plot or not. “Let’s see, that would have to have been sometime around “Hang Mike Pence” and my refusing to testify about what I knew before Congress. Because that would be inappropriate. Because sometimes, I’m a member of Congress too.

What is Mike Pence running for anyway, NASCAR points? The Republicans hate Mike Pence even more than Ron DeSantis. The rest of the field are castoffs and never wases. Dreamers, long shots, and hail Mary candidates. Not enough Presidential timber to set up a Boy Scout camp.

It’s Trump or nobody, and it’s beginning to look like it could be nobody. The crowd is electric or at the very least, the crowd is gassed.

“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”  ― William Shakespeare

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