This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It has been several weeks now, mere minutes in the media milieu. Reporters asked Joe Biden his thoughts on the wildfires in Maui. The President replied, “no comment.” Regardless of Party affiliation all politicians like to talk. Nothing a politician likes better than a chance to look large and in charge and effective in a crisis. Nothing looks worse than a politician making statements about an issue they know nothing about. (See: Ted Cruz) So, Joe said, “no comment.”

The shockwave went through the Reich Wing media sphere. He said, “No comment!” The heartless unfeeling bastard! People getting killed and burnt out from their property and all he can say is, “No comment.” Obviously, the future actions and statements of the Administration received little airplay. Until the White House announced the Bidens were to visit Maui. Oh no! Not that! God damn, doesn’t he realize we’re in a crisis and up to our ass in alligators here. The last thing they need is a presidential visit!

Joe is criticized for not caring. Then Joe is criticized for not caring about the people he’s trying to care about. If you don’t show up, you’re a heartless bastard. If you do show up, you’re a heartless bastard. And if this story were but a one off, it could be laughed away. This is but a single tentacle in a web of Orwellian Republican madness.

Recently, a man once in the employ of the Obama’s drown. He had worked as their chef, preparing meals for 500 people at a time. He was their contractor, and they probably knew the man the same way you know the clerk down at the 7-11. But the poor man drowns, 4,000 people a year drown in this country, better than ten a day in all circumstances. But oh, friends the plot thickens.

Could this poor man the couple barely knows have been having an affair with the former first lady? Or maybe even (Dun, dun ta da dun!) a love affair with the former President himself! Let’s stop and gaze back at the fantastic leap we’ve just made. From a man drowns to romantically entangled and personally involved in his murder. It must be the President, because the former First Lady is, you know, a man.  

Since the days when the Clinton’s became the largest serial killers since World War Two. It’s become a standard practice for Republicans to manufacture the most heinous and vile lies out of thin air. They aren’t just bad politicians with whom you disagree politically.

They become vicious fanged super demons recklessly driving Batmobiles through the city streets. They eat babies and have sex in a quiet looking Washington Pizza Parlors. But down in the secret basement baby! Cannibalism and Debauchery! Staying up late and drinking draft beer. Conjuring up and worshipping Satan. Wigging out to the hellish sounds of a country band playing all your favorite hits of the day.

And you really must ask yourself, “What again?” What are the chances that only Democratic ex-Presidents are serial killers or married to crossdressers? What are the odds on something like that? That a man like Barack Obama who led a very public life for many years was married to a man living as a woman all along? And like Clark Kent, nobody ever figured it out. But lived secretly! In Washington.

As Hurricane Ilala neared the Florida shores the President issued a FEMA disaster declaration. He contacted all the Governor’s offices including Ron DeSantis. Then later, the White House said the Biden’s would visit storm ravaged Florida. Ron DeSantis immediately answered, “No! Can’t you see we’re in an emergency here and up to our ass in alligators?”

Well, it is such a big state, and after all it was only a category three storm. And they’re talking about next week. Do you suppose you can clear off enough of the rubble and debris off the runway for Air Force one to land by next week? Your Uncle buys you a house and you don’t want him at the house warming party? The stupid pettiness, “No! We don’t want you here! You might get good press! You go somewhere else to try and look good!”

But ole sleepy Joe just brushed aside little Ronnie’s protests. “There, there little boy. Calm yourself, It’s already been arranged. I’ll call you when I arrive if I get a chance.” Ron had mistakenly thought he was speaking to an equal. He thought there for a second, that he could tell the President of the United States what to do. And the President would somehow listen to him because he’s Ron DeSantis, the Governor of Florida. Ron will take the Federal money; he just doesn’t want to share the credit with his Federal benefactor.

I must stop Joe Biden from getting good press! If he doesn’t show up, he doesn’t care and if he does, he doesn’t care. It’s to be expected that partisan media would drift farther apart. Showing differing views of reality until straining the bounds of credibility. Serial killers, cannibals, pizza, and beer!

The Republicans have created from whole cloth a most elaborate bribery and extortion scheme involving Joe and Hunter Biden. Based on evidence created by Rudy Giuliani when Rudy was sent to Ukraine to specifically dig up dirt on Joe Biden.

The evidence all comes back to one man who had just been fired from his job because of Joe Biden who then spoke with Rudy Giuliani. The Republicans have had a big break in the case. They have discovered email addresses which they believe to be non-deplumes for Joe Biden. No evidence yet, but they just think so. They want all White House communications for those email accounts real or imagined. Because they suspect something they don’t have any evidence of. And in two years when they find there is nothing to it?  

But the majesty shines while the greatest political scandal in all American history goes on invisible right before their eyes. They believe the lies about Joe Biden with the same fervor they don’t believe the truth about Donald Trump. The Reich Wing media can ignore or point away from the inconvenient facts if they like.

But if Trump’s Rico trial is televised in Georgia, all is undone. Must see TV as the usual cast of characters and miscreants are forced to admit under oath their crimes in front of a nationwide audience of millions. This is the Watergate hearings on steroids, this a trial! People could be heading to the Graybar hotel for years and years. This is an affair too large for them to avoid and too loud for them to silence. Too harsh to reject and to historic to deflect.

“Truth in a time of lies” – Unknown