This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Boy, It’s a good thing Ron DeSantis will never be elected President. Not just because he’s a Reich Wing conservative politician either.  He’s a conniving self-serving politician play acting and stunting for attention. Not a bad politician so much as a bad person, working as a politician.

A category III Hurricane comes to your state where you are the Governor. The President offers 100% assistance before the fact. The President comes to see the damage for himself, and Federal agencies work to fill relief needs. But in the name of politics, Governor DeSantis snubs a meeting with the President. Bad optics shaking hands with Joe Biden. Fox News would crucify him for that photo. So, Ron is not about to say thank you or to be gracious, with any real grown-up manners. Sneering is good!

Joe Biden wasn’t looking forward to visiting Florida either, but it’s expected. In this crazy democracy of ours, we expect the President to waste his time touring storm damage. Or to suffer the wrath of the partisan media, “President to Skip touring disaster area.” How could the president just ignore them people like that? But the President is not doing anything in Florida he couldn’t do just as well from Washington. If you’ve seen one pile of hurricane storm debris, you’ve pretty much seen them all.

It is an ancient tradition of our people that when the President comes to town local dignitaries gather, smile, shake hands and get their pictures taken. Something to show the grandkids about Grandpa Ron someday. It’s also an ancient tradition of our people that when someone does you a good turn you respond graciously and shake their hand.

Grandpa Ron couldn’t meet with Joe Biden in Florida because of “logistics.” I just can’t make it work with my busy schedule. Let’s see, hmmm, the President, huh? I’ve got that Ladies club meeting and there is the Apalachicola Fisherman’s Association dinner and the Knights of Columbus. Nope, I just can’t make it happen. Maybe next time then? I mean, next time you’re in town. Not the next time we have another hurricane.

To snub the hand that feeds you and to be rude and ungracious in the name of the people of your state. An angry petulant Pee Wee Herman character. “I’ll show them! When they come to my house, I’ll just ignore them! That will show them! And then, everyone will see how tough I am!

But sometimes, you just have to go to your Aunt Dorothy’s house and eat butter mints while drinking Ginger ale, when you don’t want to do it. It’s a requirement of family. Those things you just have to do sometimes. It’s your mother’s sister for Pete’s sake!

But meanwhile, back in reality as the Governor plays hide and seek. Florida is being  pushed to the edge by the climate emergency Governor Ron doesn’t believe is occurring. Unfortunately, for Republicans the Insurance Industry does believe and are raising home insurance rates accordingly, Just 40 to 60% per year!

In the wake of the Champlain Towers collapse, a new Florida law mandates more frequent Condo inspections. Residents are receiving building assessments of 50 to one hundred thousand dollars. This is Florida, what the hell is a reserve fund?

But hey, “Don’t say Gay, huh? No woke policies around here! Get back Disney rat!” Dithering and angling, smiling for the best camera angles.  Ron’s running for President you know, and its quite time consuming. So, in the name of efficiency Ron sees every problem just the same. “How can I use this to promote my presidential campaign?”

But here’s the rub, Insurance companies are bailing out on Florida. But Ron doesn’t believe in the climate emergency, so discussing storms and hurricanes are a no go from the start. Ron  doesn’t believe in ghosts either but doesn’t want to talk about them walking through the old cemetery at midnight. He can’t solve the problem anyway. He can’t even admit the problem exists, so why call attention to it?

Key West was once one of the wealthiest cities in the country. Based on its sailing ship salvage industry. Shallow waters in the Florida straits and Florida hurricanes made for easy pickings. The Spanish knew about those Florida storms and rightly respected them. Only now, there are more and larger storms, and now the math has all changed. It’s one of the few times I could almost feel sorry for an Insurance company. Asked to stick their head in the lion’s mouth.

It’s no longer a question of if but when; in a game of weather roulette. There aren’t enough subscribers to cover all the losses. And the storms come every year now. And Florida is about one big storm away from being insolvent. One more Hurricane Ivan or Hurricane Andrew and the Florida insurance industry could collapse. Ironic that Capitalism should be the deadly weapon that finally wipes them out long before the ocean’s rising tides.

Snubbing the President is probably the most glaring DeSantis mistake, outside of wearing white boots. A petulant little puss pod of a stereotypical spoiled brat kid. Spend five- or ten-minutes tops. You smile he smiles, you shake hands and try to look presidential. “I don’t wanna do that and you can’t make me.”

Ron, the tough little guy who won’t negotiate with terrorists, mice, or Joe Biden. But Ron who proposes and courts who disposes. As the Florida Republican redistricting map proposed by Ron DeSantis has been kicked to curb by the court.

If you weren’t paying attention you might fuck up and think Ron DeSantis was some sort of effective politician. Ron likes running against “woke” programs because there are no metrics to judge how he is doing against them. Ron can slay invisible dragons all day long and who is any the wiser?

Good headlines and good optics, “Governor shuts down woke Library” Brings back Capital punishment in our schools! Governor proposes laying off policemen. You see, Ron’s running for President. So, he only deals with issues with positive spin potential. Will this look good in the monthly newsletter?

Ron is a rough, tough no nonsense rooting tooting fighting conservative who runs away from Joe Biden, like a child hiding under the table from Santa Claus. Never back down, unless it makes you feel uncomfortable, or unless the optics aren’t quite right. Run away from climate change and hide and pretend it isn’t so. Talk tough and say it ain’t so.

Ronnie tries too hard and becomes transparent and superficial because of it. Ron was videoed passing out sandwiches from a food truck to disaster victims. Because that is the best use of the Governor’s time during an emergency.

If Ron wasn’t there, those sandwiches might not get passed out. But if Joe Biden wasn’t there, Ron might not have any sandwiches. So transparent even Conservatives and evangelicals can see through him like a storm window. Boy, It’s a good thing Ron DeSantis will never be elected President.

“We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values. For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.” -John F. Kennedy