This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It just goes to show that you never can tell about the public. You can be a screwball loud mouth ignoramus all you want. Make ridiculous public statements or get in petty scrapes with co-workers and introduce pointless legislation and everything will be just dandy. [Re-elected!]

But get thrown out of one little Broadway Road show with your paramour and all at once, everyone suddenly pays attention. Just a little vape and tug, a little toke and tickle. All of a sudden everybody has got a problem with it. In the long and storied history of our Congress. Cutting up in a theater under the influence and over the moon is generally a pretty low-grade scandal on the Trump seismic scale.

Both parties are unmarried, Ms. Boebert being recently divorced. Anyone ever divorced knows that sudden urge to cut up after getting out of an unhappy relationship. I’m not trying to defend Ms. Boebert’s behavior only to say, I understand. Everyone in that theater has a right to be angry at her for her behavior. But it isn’t a DUI, a hostage taking or gun related incident.

Ms. Boebert first played off the Beetlejuice incident as a “whoopsie.” Then, Lauren was dropped as a speaker for a Conservative conference. Then came the full apology. No kidding and no fooling, she really meant it this time. Then the video blew up on the Internet. Her little twirl outside the theater (No signs of intoxication here!) I myself often twirl after being ejected from public spaces or so I’ve been told by others the following day.

The bell had been struck but the reverberations continued with the “new” longer version of the video with a little tug and tickle included. Blowing up on social media in places where people take no interest in politicians. But take a great, great interest in all things scintillating, salacious and superficial. Lauren had quite literally made a spectacle of herself in public. Or as Homer Simpson says, “Damn security cameras!”

Oh boy, then it came out Ms. Boebert’s beaux was a local bar owner of a Gay friendly night spot that sometimes hosts drag shows. “Ha, ha, ha” The devil laughs and cries more! It just couldn’t be any worse! He’s a Democrat! Oh Lauren, what were you thinking? I mean, it is a common question on most dating platforms. Don’t just look at the pictures!

What of the poor Bar Owner (Name redacted) in question? His buddies must be giving him the business hard. How’s your new girlfriend doing? or how’s your love life? Say, haven’t I seen you on television? So, how’s the play end? You went to see the play Beetlejuice, or you took Beetlejuice to see the play? This poor guy probably paid for the tickets and didn’t even get to see the end of the show. But worse, it is now common knowledge he was dating Lauren Boebert.

Good luck finding another date in this town fella.

In light of the public brew ha, ha the relationship is now over. I don’t call it a scandal really, just boorish behavior. But to the Conservative public, it is big trouble. For Lauren it’s big trouble, the rumors have now been proved true. She’ll sleep with anyone, even Democrats. “Little Hussy out on the town drinking and whoring.” The blue haired ladies against freedom are gonna have a field day with this!

The couple will part friends remembering it as just a one-night stand gone wrong. Ms. Boebert faces a tough re-election fight. This one has been is national news, but the home folks know more. Police calls to the residence for domestic disputes and troubled youth issues. Boebert won her election by 600 votes last time. This time around it appears it could be some closer.

Funny, huh? Only in America, right? You can openly support sedition and authoritarianism, and nobody blinks an eye. You can be a screwball loud mouth ignoramus all you want. Make ridiculous statements or get in petty scrapes with co-workers and introduce pointless legislation and everything will be fine. But go out on one date with a man who owns a club that sometimes hosts Drag shows. Have a few drinks and a few tokes, a few laughs and face the hand of doom for it.

Not from the Republican Party mind you, they don’t care what you do as long as you do as you’re told when you’re told. (Unless you are Kevin McCarthy.) Fraud, Sedition, conspiracy, anything goes Laissez-faire moralism. Tell the peons how to live but look the other way when it’s one of ours. Yes, George Santos is still on the payroll. And yes, George missed another financial reporting deadline. So? The ethics department is still looking into it.

The wheels are coming off the Republican Party in a nuclear dumpster fire. Their leading candidate is a future felon, potentially metaphorically breaking rocks in the hot sun. The Republican House of Representin is at war with the non-leadership of Kevin McCarthy. McCarthy answers, Fuck you punk! Do it! I double dog dare you! In Mitt Romney’s new book “Fuck you guys, I’m gonna tell!” Mitt tells tales from the great invertebrate ocean.

Born afraid of Donald Trump. Senators excoriated Mitt publicly while admiring him in private. “Gee, I wish I had the gumption to vote against Donald Trump, but I have my family to think of.”  A lily-livered excuse if ever there was. I’m not afraid for myself but my family, see? More than willing to send troops into harm’s way but damned if they’ll take a position for themselves. They have their families to think about.

Mitch McConnell is of limited leadership, and Romney is leaving town. The Senate Republicans are divided on Trump and fear House Republicans will drag them down into a swamp with Impeachment wiz bang shows. All branches of the Republican Party are in full Fukushima style meltdown.

The motley crew of Republican wanna be’s can’t draw foot oder, let alone a crowd. Dwarfed by the raging confusion and charisma of Donald Trump. Meaning their second choice is none of the above. By the way, Vivek Ramaswamy apologizes for whatever it was he said yesterday. Ron DeSantis donor calls DeSantis war on Disney “pointless and idiotic” closing his checkbook. And those are the front runners! The other guys aren’t even doing that good!

It’s the orange elephant in the room. Stick with Trump and go down with Trump or leave Trump and go down without him. The only Republican issue is Trump first, last and always. If they can’t have Trump, they just won’t vote, and a lot of Republicans could lose their jobs. If they get Trump, they will lose the election again and a lot of Republicans could lose their jobs. It’s the devil’s bargain.

“Hey hey, my my
Rock and roll can never die
There’s more to the picture
Than meets the eye
Hey hey, my my

Out of the blue and into the black
You pay for this, but they give you that
And once you’re gone, you can’t come back
When you’re out of the blue and into the black

The king is gone but he’s not forgotten
Is this the tale of Johnny rotten?
It’s better to burn out than fade away
The king is gone but he’s not forgotten”

-Neil Young