This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

In these dark days of war and murder, everyone needs a little something to lighten their day and enliven our step. And Congressional Republicans aren’t much for government or governing, but they can be quite entertaining in large groups. After a week of conference and negotiations to decide the next speaker. The Republicans announce with great fanfare, “We have a winner! Winner, Winner, Chicken dinner!”

Republicans announce Steve Scalise will be the next speaker of the house. Only, Steve doesn’t have the votes needed to win an election. Nobody ever said Republicans were much good at this Democracy thing. I guess it’s okay if it’s their fashion, to announce the winner before holding the vote. But they are right back at square one now. The same people who brought down Kevin McCarthy, vow not to vote for silent Steve Scalise. Steve’s not near crazy enough to satisfy them.

They were only just barely satisfied with the Jimmy Jordan Experience. Jimmy was crazy enough, but they doubted his administrative skill and executive abilities. It boils down to a split inside the Republican Party and the “Free dumb” caucus aka, the Trumpers. Consisting of your usual suspects, your Marge Traitor Greene’s and Lauren (Beetlejuice) Boebert’s with just enough votes to throw a wrench into the gears.  

Apparently, all that was accomplished this week in the Republican conference was a roll call, a pledge of allegiance and a public statement that the Jimmy Jordan Experience was out of the question. It’s gonna be Steve, okay? Steve! Is that clear to everyone? Steve! It is not going to be the Jimmy Jordan Experience. Is that clear to everyone now? Any questions? Yes, you in the back. “Can we still vote for Jimmy if we want?”

Then, as if it wasn’t mixed up enough. Republican Ken Buck wants the next speaker to publicly announce the 2020 election was NOT fixed. And they must say so and so say “Uncle!” In the words of Homer Simpson, “Doah!” Rock, Paper, Scissors Republicans. Rock crushes Republicans and paper covers Republicans. Scissor’s cut Republicans.

Basically, nothing was accomplished this week except for adding a new hurdle. A profession of the faith to be added to the formalities. Taking a subliminal Trump deprogramming oath. If there is a pod still under their bed, they won’t be able to say that oath publicly. “Come on…say it! Trump’s a liar! Say it! Say it! Say it now! Trump’s a liar! Say it! Pucker up and say, “Pretty please sweetheart.”

So, both sides of the Republican Party appear to be dug in and ready for a prolonged struggle. The nearly sane faction understands their mistake now. They gave the “Free dumb” caucus an outsized role to their voting strength. This gave them Kevin McCarthy a weak leader ham strung from day one. This time they will exert their authority over Trump radicals and easy date Republicans.

No concessions this time. No one vote and you’re out on your ass rule. Strangely, amidst all the Congressional tumult and side show. The prime mover is missing. Matt Gaetz was not one of the voices vowing to break up the Party. Maybe they took him to the cloak room and metaphorically messed up his hair and roughed him up a little.

Maybe they told him “You’re not the Governor of Florida yet pal! And we can still make it hard on you!”

It’s amazing, A civil war is going on for the soul or near as you can call a soul of the Republican Party. A civil war is going on right before the eyes of the Republican voters and they don’t see it. Emersed in Hunter Biden’s laptop and impeaching Joe.

Kevin McCarthy was replaced because Donald Trump ordered Matt Gaetz to dethrone him. Trump was trying to muscle his way into the House of Representatives and personally choose a proxy speaker. As I’ve said before, Republicans don’t know or much care about Democracy, but they do know how to defend their own turf. They weren’t about to allow some Trump monkey like Jim Jordan into the leadership. They weren’t about to just hand the ship’s wheel over to coo coo for Coco puffs and say, “go for it.”

Trump for obvious reasons would like nothing better than to see the government shut down. He’s on his vengeance for me tour these days. Trump is struggling to keep it all together, it’s way harder than identifying farm animals or repeating words back in order. We might have an interim speaker until the end of the term.

Democrats asked for one hours’ notice before calling any votes. Republicans offer 15 minutes notice. They aren’t much good at Democracy, but they know how to rig a vote. The speaker being chosen by the majority of the votes present in the house at the time. So, the Democrats will have to stay home and guard the cheese. Lest the Republicans try to call a quick vote. To try their latest flim-flam by virtue of empty chairs caught unawares.

The two sides of the Republican Party are Deadlocked as in DEAD Locked. Neither side is willing to move a millimeter (Hey look, I went metric. Much more precise than saying by the king’s big toe nail.) Neither side willing to accept the other. What was it Abe Lincoln said, something about a house divided against itself.

Republicans are calling again for George Santos to step down. The same Republicans potentially painted by the over spray of the Santos term. Santos has been charged recently with even more crimes. But to Republicans at large that means nothing.

Kari Lake is picking up her cross in Arizona to begin her next losing political sojourn. She want’s to be a Senator fighting for honest elections (snore) aka, last year’s model. She loves and adores Donald Trump and most definitely has a pod under her bed. Gee, I wonder which way the wind is blowing Kari?

In the midst of a world crisis the Republican house is hunkered down, locked, and largely silent. Except to proclaim victory for Steve Scalise! Congratulations Steve! Best of luck to you in your new job! When’s the election?

“The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.” ― Mark Twain