This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

A struggling speaker Mike, What’s his name, just announced a House Republican plan to avert a government shutdown. The crazies in the Free Dumb Caucus really don’t like continuing resolutions.  And here comes newborn Mike with a continuing resolution, right from the get-go. We could have had Kevin McCarthy do that. In that never-ending quest for ideological purity the Republicans keep ending up in the same place.

Time running out – nothing accomplished. It’s all very Monty Python in the fight for ideological purity and a “clean bill.” Republicans dither with each other over colon versus semicolon and dig in their heels for a fight to the death. Now, Mike proposes a 72 hours to read his new bill or to have staff read the bill, to help speed things up. Under the “laddered CR” some cans would be kicked down the road until January 19th and others until February 2^nd. See? Make sense?

No budget cuts and no aid for Israel or Ukraine. “It’s 100% clean . And I 1100% oppose.” Says Chip Roy Republican from the Texas forbidden zone. “My opposition to the clean CR just announced by the Speaker to the @HouseGOP cannot be overstated. Funding Pelosi level spending & policies for 75 days — for future “promises.”

75 days everyone! Let’s shut down the government instead. Rinse and repeat! I can only imagine the fight that erupts when someone suggests Subway instead of pizza for lunch. Unable to agree on anything at any time. And if they do happen to agree on something they will change their minds at the eleventh hour. Kevin McCarthy never left us, he’s just called Mike, What’s his name now.

The country went three weeks without a speaker because of the Republicans inability to agree on anything. Kevin McCarthy was taken down by Matt Gaetz as a purity stunt without having a suitable replacement in mind. First Jimmy Jordan and the “Don’t Touch Me There choir.” (Ping) Then Steve Scalise from the “for God’s sakes, anyone but Jim Jordan” faction. (Pong)

Republican Free Dumb Caucus rhetoric demands stand alone resolutions. You know, go through the Federal budget line by line with a red pencil. Lining out funding for anything that they can’t understand or care about. A sort of Tommy Tuberville strategy for “good government.” And so, after endless hours of negotiating correct punctuation, Republicans find themselves, once again out of time.

“YOU HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE!” about a month ago. “It’s like Deja Vu all over again.” When Republicans were hopelessly deadlocked over the budget. Then came that dastardly move by semi-colon Kevin McCarthy. To make a deal with House Democrats for a continuing resolution to avoid a government shutdown. “Heretic! Blasphemer! He’s a witch! Burn him!” Kevin was dethroned for making a deal with the devil (The Democrats).

Mike, What’s his name has yet to the grasp the mathematics of a three or four-seat majority. I hereby propose a continuing resolution to avoid a government shutdown. Only this time, you have three days to read it of the five days we have left to pass it. See? Isn’t that good?

Dead on arrival, Mitch McConnell said so. So far, Mike has yet to accomplish anything of substance. It’s on the job training because Mike has never chaired a committee or even a hearing. This illustrates the difficulty of finding an acceptable warm body that everyone in the Party could agree on. So, they find themselves a back bencher with no experience, but good Party credentials. Purity over substance!

Speaker Mike must pass something to appease the hardliners. But that is an impossibility, and so is left with no choice but to deal with Democrats. Which, in turn, will trigger a move to remove Mike What’s his name from office.

“The Lord Jesus himself can’t manage House Republicans” – Troy Nehls R-Tex

 “We’re ungovernable” – Anonymous.

Rinse & Repeat let’s do it again, only this time with more gusto!

The Republican spiritual leader and guru Donald Trump used the opportunity of Veterans Day to slam the radical left AKA, those prosecuting Donald Trump. Anyone surprised that Donald would do that? Take a national holiday and make it all about “ME! ME! ME! Look what they’re doing to Me!” Rinse & repeat!

The same message future inmate 45 – 09651 had last week and last month. The same message he will probably have a month from now or three months from now. Awfully hard to keep the torches lit and the mob excited with more of the same, even tail fins on cars couldn’t last forever.

Now, sit yourself in the grand high chair of the Republican Party strategist. What do you see for their future? A Party that can’t get anything done. A presidential candidate under criminal indictment with a penchant for making unhinged remarks. What would you advise the Republican Party to do at this point?

My sentiments exactly, what can they do? It is an inevitable eventuality, and the future has already been written in the stars. The Republican Party is headed for a major defeat and possible dissolution. The confederacy will hold, but Trump is headed for electoral repudiation and possible incarceration with definite financial castration. The Republicans worship at the altar of a fallen idol and there is no future in it.

Many speculate about Joe Biden’s age, but what about Donald Trump’s mental acuity? He’s just ranting now, and I can’t wait for the Trump Christmas card. “Malaria and myself want to wish you a Merry Christmas! Except for the radical left that’s out to get me! Joe Biden doesn’t deserve a good Christmas and neither does Letisha James!” More of the same, rinse & repeat.

“My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.” ― Groucho Marx