This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Meow hiss, hiss Kevin McCarthy comes clean. Kevin’s undoing was all Matt Gaetz’s doings as revenge for Kevin leading an ethics investigation against Gaetz. See the way they play ball? That’s not me saying this, its Kevin. Gaetz has recently hinted he will be the next Governor of Florida. So, screw you guys I’m leaving! But first, I have some scores to settle. With all the people who were once mean to me. I’ll throw my Party under the bus and create a crisis to air my petty grievances and seek my mighty revenge.

So, says Kevin. And he should know, he works with Gaetz. Gaetz sudden desire to return home came with the realization that Ron DeSantis will be term-limited out of office before being crushed by history. For retro Ronnie it’s win or die, and probably die. A man with a brilliant future behind him. But the Governor’s chair would be a choice plum for a man with ambition, family influence and name recognition. A man who doesn’t like working too much.  Anyone could do the job, look at who is doing it now?

The leader of a one-party state. “What do you want to do tonight, Brain?” What capricious, superius and punitive legislation have you thought up today? Henceforth, all non-citizens in Florida must hop on one foot when speaking to Florida law enforcement. Currently the state is funding charter flights of migrants from Texas to points North. On the theory that those migrants have a one in fifty chance of someday ending up in Florida.

Imagine, traveling thousands of miles escaping a third-world hell hole only to wind up in Florida with Matt Gaetz as your Governor. It’s the Grapes of Wrath, brother. “The fella they ought to arrest is the fella printing those handbills.”

Florida is in the jaws of an insurance crisis. Everyone knows Florida is only one major hurricane away from being made untenable. And everyone knows that hurricane is coming someday. Maybe this year or maybe next year, but she’s coming. The affluent are choosing to self-insure not having a mortgage over their heads. But for Joe Six-pack and Mary Lunchbox, that’s not an option.

After a condo building collapsed in Florida, the state instituted a new building inspection policy which the governor opposed. Now, what’s a Capitalist going to do when the Real Estate market is suddenly put over a barrel? If you said, raise their prices. Correct! All those gleaming aging condo towers filled with all those gleaming aging retirement accounts, suddenly needing an inspection.

Condo owners being hit with six figure assessments. Golden years my ass! If the hurricanes don’t get you the insurance man will. But by god the streets are nearly empty of woke individuals and the library shelves are just plain empty period. Retro Ronnie is fighting a culture war which seemed to make sense at the time. See, Ron had this plan to get himself elected President.

It all depended on making the right noise at the right time. Retro Ronnie would attack Disney and make national headlines opposing anything the Federal government suggested in regard to Covid 19. More people in Florida died of the disease after a vaccine was made available. Non-education works! This was all a part of Ron’s plan to make a cantankerous noise.

Ronnie was the early leader in the polls behind Trump. In those early days when no one was even sure if Trump was really running. Trump said he was running, but Trump says lots of things. When it became clear that Trump was serious the DeSantis malaise began to set in. After a year of solid effort and millions upon millions of dollars being spent, Ronnie has not gained one percentage point on Trump.

Nikki Haley is catching up to Ron  in Iowa. And the DeSantis campaign will make their last stand there in Iowa. “it’s all or nothing now, and probably nothing for the DeSantis campaign.” From frontrunner to dead ender, all before the first vote is cast.  

But cast your eyes back to those early days. When it was verboten in those dark days to speak ill of Trump. So, for DeSantis to dare to dream such lofty dreams was an offense to the Trump faithful. They would never accept him now, he’s damaged goods. He’s running against orange Julius; I mean orange Jesus. Times have changed. Where are those crowds that gathered for the Trump trials?

Remember? Police barricades and special crowd control police details, all for a couple dozen protestors. Despite a near constant drumbeat from Trump of “Arise my children and take my revenge.” Trump has largely been ignored. The long prison sentences given to January 6^th insurrectionists have had the desired effect. Fox News can spin it anyway they like but losing your house and going to jail are clear enough for even the marginally attached to understand.

Sadly, we report Senator Tim Scott has abandoned his campaign for the White House and/or the Vice Presidency whichever comes first. He has released all 27 of his supporters to seek out other candidates. A Black Republican, now there’s a Republican Vice-Presidential candidate, if ever I’ve seen one. See? We aren’t racists!

If you take the excitement factor for the Republican candidates, you can see the issue. What exactly are they offering America? Nuts and bolts changes with all the personal appeal of drying paint. Even when attacking each other they are dull. Except for Chris Christie, he’s not getting elected to anything, and he knows it! He’s free to call the orange faithful “Reprehensible.” I didn’t say it; Chris did!

They struggle because they offer no excitement or new ideas. Trump offers vain excitement, but that’s all. One by one, the Republican candidates will fall away. Giving the Republican faithful only one orange choice when 50% of the Republican Party doesn’t like that choice. Will all the Republican non-Trumpers stand in line on election day for a candidate that they don’t like much and don’t believe can ever win?

You already know what I think.

“And oh, it’s…burning, oh, four or five hundred feet into the sky. It’s a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen. The smoke and the flames now and the frame is crashing to the ground, not quite to the mooring mast. Oh, the humanity and all the passengers screaming around here. I told you. It’s — I can’t even talk to people whose friends were on there. It — It’s….I — I can’t talk ladies and gentlemen. – Honest, it’s completely a mass of smoking wreckage.  And everybody can’t hardly breathe. It’s hard, it’s crazy. Lady, I — I — I’m sorry.  Honestly, I — I can hardly breathe.

I — I’m gonna step inside where I cannot see it. Charley, that’s terrible. I – I can’t….Listen folks, I — I’m gonna have to stop for a minute because I’ve lost my voice. This is the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed.” – Herb Morrison