This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Playing bullshit games will win you bullshit prizes. The last chapter in the saga of George Santos hasn’t been played out just yet. George had promised to leave quietly, like a drunk in a bar who somehow can never quite reach the door. George wasn’t ever vetted properly and when he up and won the election the Republican Party said, “Fine. Whatever! One more for our side!”

Once the George Santos Junior lie making machine began to fall apart. George could have been pressured by his colleagues to resign even before rearranging the office furniture. But Nooo! Oh no, let him stay; we need the numbers. Heedless of the consequences they let George in the club. And he proceeded to beat them over the head with it. They heard George’s lies, and they heard the charges against George, and they let him stay. No matter how ridiculous it looked or how much George smelled like shit, they welcomed him in with open arms.

All because a four-vote majority is way better than a three-vote majority.

Bad checks, stolen phones, and Drag Queen issues!! In the Republican Party??? Are you kidding me? George is a walking scandal machine and a laugh riot. Do you know what happens when you let Homer Noodleman in your club and then you decide to throw him out? He gets mad! And he stomps his feet. Then he begins to dish out the dirt! I’ll get you! Just you wait and see! I’m gonna piss on everybody’s head!

And the bullshit award goes to!

The Republicans justified it all by saying George deserved his day in court and he hadn’t been convicted of anything…yet. Strangely, they didn’t wait for any criminal convictions before asking George to leave. A damning ethics report was good enough to discharge George before George made headlines again in big people court. The Republicans hope by taking George’s keys away now the Party hopes to bury the story before George is dead. “The former congressman was in court today.”

So long, been good to know you. So long, been good to know you. Keep in touch! Write when you’re away and call before any visit. Give my regards to the family. See ya, bye! They had to have known it wouldn’t be that clean easy break they were hoping for in ending a relationship. Nope, you don’t break up with George and get away that easy. “You’re not getting your CDs back! I’m gonna tell everybody everything about YOU!”

George is going to file ethics complaints against his former colleagues in the Party. George has nothing to lose at this point. The die is cast, and George’s fate is largely sealed. It would take a miracle out of scripture to save George from prison now. “I’m gonna tell!”

George is hurt and angry and look who he blames for his predicament. Somehow, it’s not George’s fault at all! George screams to any and all who will listen in the street. “Look! I’m not the only liar, cheat, and hypocrite in the Republican Party! There’s one insider trading and this guy’s in the closet. Who let all this riff raff into the room? They all do it! Every one of them is as crooked as a dog’s hind leg!

But it’s the boy who cried insider trading all over again. Who will listen to George’s story about the big bad wolf? I wouldn’t believe George if he said the house was on fire and I smelled smoke. Even George’s shadow doesn’t always trust him. But could George’s accusation be true? They let George stay, didn’t they? They could all be absolutely positively true. But coming from George, who is ever going to get really excited?

A poster child of Republican Congressional dysfunction. Middle schoolers fighting it out in cyberspace with political revenge porn. Matt Gaetz knocking off Kevin McCarthy because McCarthy supported an ethics investigation of Gaetz for sleeping with teenage prostitutes. And we wonder why nothing gets done.

All this against an overarching backdrop of the decline and fall of Donald Trump. All this adding to the financial woes the Republican Party is having. Heard any good Trump news lately? Any exculpatory revelations by Mike Lindell or Rudy Giuliani? Yeah, me neither. The wheels are starting to come off. The sky is growing dark with a forecast of one to five.

After the political assassination of Kevin McCarthy Republicans struggled to find a new speaker. How about Jimmy Jordan? “No, he’s too dumb.” How about Steve Scalise? “No, he’s too sick.” How about Mike phallic reference? “Who?” Mike! From the back of the room. You know Mike! Short guy quiet with glasses kind of Poindexterish looking. “Is he crazy?” You bet! And the best part is nobody has ever heard of him. Mike is an acting caretaker trying to drag the wreckage of what’s left of the Republican Party across the finish line.

Rumors are rife, Kevin McCarthy is planning to step down after having his pants publicly dropped and his ass paddled red. Yep once they kick you out of the top spot it’s hard to go back to the mailroom. Another one bites the dust. What foundations will the Republican Party rebuild on? The Trump cult? Christian nationalism? Death to Mickey Mouse?

Former Republican Rep. Liz Cheney says she’d rather see the Democrats win because the Republicans are a threat to Democracy. Senator Mitt Romney said basically the same thing, and he’s leaving office too.

Playing bullshit games will win you bullshit prizes.