This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

So, what caused the Civil War? A trick question to ask the former Governor of South Carolina. A trick question to ask a nominee for a political party founded on the abolition of slavery. A trick question dependent on where it is asked geographically. When I was in school in the North, I was taught the Civil War was fought over slavery. The abolition of versus the expansion of. While in school in the South, I was taught the Civil War was fought over states’ rights versus Federalism.

A handy little cover states’ rights and it works well, as long as you don’t inquire which state right it is you are trying so hard to preserve. The state’s right to hold humans as chattel? A dog chasing its tail, States rights vs. slavery. Nikki Haley, pretend moderate gets caught on a big southern dog whistle. Torn between the Party of emancipation and the Party of Rebellion. The party of Lincoln versus the party of Jeff Davis and Donald Trump.

As Devil’s advocate Chris Christie correctly points out. Nikki Haley was one of those Republican candidates who raised their hand in debate and said they would pardon Donald Trump. To pardon Trump is to spit in the face of democracy. “We don’t care what the court says! Fuck em!” To advocate for a Trump pardon is a subliminal admission of guilt, as the innocent need no pardon.

Well! Even if he is guilty and even if he did break our most sacred laws! Trump should be pardoned because? Because? Because? I recently watched a video from several years ago, where a woman was throwing a hissy fit at The Home Depot because they wanted her to wear a mask. If you thought that was stupid behavior at the time, it really doesn’t age well.

I’ll throw a public hissy fit before I’ll put on a mask for twenty minutes, while I look for wood screws. I have a sneaking suspicion Trumpism won’t age any better. Like disco, we will all wonder someday what happened? How was this ever popular? “Disco! Disco Duck!”

The question of pardoning Trump in the first Republican debate was a bellweather. Who is on the inside and who is on the outside. Who is loyal to the boss cause snitches get stitches. One by one, all who speak with anti-Trump tongue are eliminated from the Party.

Hear no Trump evil, see no Trump evil while pretending to be a moderate. “And if elected, I’ll pardon a convicted criminal!” And the crowd goes wild, Yeah!  A dog and pony show with the local winners each given their five minutes in the sun before the moderator returns us to the regularly scheduled Trump candidacy.

You have the floor, and you can say anything, anything at all…except about the boss. “And if elected, I’ll pardon Donald Trump on day one!”

Three weeks until the New Hampshire Primary and the also rans are throwing down for a showdown. Vivek Ramaswamy is cutting ad buys, and the Ron DeSantis campaign is maintaining its weekly leadership crisis. Now, it’s Nikki’s turn. A former one term governor and UN appointee is hardly gravitas for a presidential run. Many had thought that Nikki was only running for Vice-president. Hear no evil and speak no evil of the boss.

What should be the opening salvo of the campaign becomes the bottom of the ninth inning. Money troubles and message troubles. How to differentiate themselves from Trump while still fawning and admiring Trump.

As Lynyrd Skynyrd would say, “Ooooh that smell, can’t you smell that smell?” First Colorado and now Maine. Colorado was never in the Trump bag anyway, but Maine? How many more states? How many more court rulings? How many more turning state’s evidence? How many more convictions?

The proselytes and low IQ voters are all on board the Trump train given no viable alternative. The party intelligencia see the brick wall looming ahead. They are trying with all their might to push Trump lite with “moderate” Republicans. Did you hear that, Ron? Moderate! Not fighting the culture wars but sticking to core Republican values of racism and xenophobia.

But unless Trump stumbles badly in New Hampshire, what should be opening day becomes the final anointment. It will guarantee Trump’s defeat in November. Trump lost with 100% of the Republican Party behind him. Now, with only half of the Party behind him and the other half working against him. His loss is certain.

As Trump spirals out of control and teeters on the brink of madness, it leaves his supporters in the lurch. Defending Trump, no matter what? That’s a big ass what! Today he says he’s going to build camps and deport citizens. What about tomorrow? What might he say tomorrow?

Vivek is out of money, and Ron is the ugly runt of the litter. Only Nikki remains as Trump calls her “Birdbrain.”

Somebody is going to be Trump’s running mate. Somebody, you watch! Some poor soul will visit the crossroads at midnight and make a pact with the devil. You could be the next Mike Pence! You could be asked to perform criminal acts in the President’s name or else!

Running for President as the lunatic fringe in say 46 or so of these 50 states. Trump is running to the extreme instead of the center. Taking the Republican Party where it doesn’t want to go. Dooming moderates and extremists alike. Trump – Guilty or Fantasyland? They are not allowed to talk about that!

“I mean, I think the cause of the Civil War was basically how the government was going to run. The freedoms and what people could and couldn’t do,”

The freedom to own people as property or not. Whether Federal control would reign as one nation rather than a nation of petty fiefdoms.

The Haley camp claims the question came from a democratic plant much like the trick question once asked of Sarah Palin, “What newspapers do you read?”

Obvious Southern apologetics, “We weren’t bad people who once held others in bondage for profit. We were simply defending our rights against an overpowering Federal Government. For Pete’s sake, if they can’t tell the truth about their first insurrection 150 years later, the rest is obvious.

Nikki Haley is a Republican moderate; an unapologetic moderate seditionist and insurrectionist.