This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Never bury the lead they said. Drag it out they said, build up the joke. But this one, this one is the joke inside the joke, inside the joke. Trump stinks! On oh, so many levels. Former Republican Congressman Adam Kinzinger says; Trump smells like “armpits ketchup and butt.” When even your friends won’t tell you!

Gee, the Republicans were hosting a Party, and I wasn’t invited. Could it be…I have body odor? After all the things which Donald Trump has put this country through this is the final insult. “And he smells bad too!” Take it to the Subprime Court! The court rules 5 to 4 that Trump doesn’t stink. In a court brief written by Clarence Thomas, the court declares Trump is very fragrant, especially around his nether regions. You know, the kissing zone.

Trump stinks, so we’ve come to this? What’s the difference between Donald Trump and Al Capone? If you say Al Capone stinks, you could get concrete over shoes. A bully, a criminal, a doofus who can’t remember what was said five minutes ago. A gump, a brain-dead mammal. A narcissist who cares for nobody but himself and, and Trump smells like “armpits ketchup and butt.”

Sounds like a country song, doesn’t it? “She smelled like armpits, ketchup and butt, but I loved her. She was a good ole truck.” But if this were all there was to it. But, oh no, A Trump spokesman replied that Kinzinger once farted on live TV and is an unemployed fraud. That’s some top-drawer opposition research there. The old nanny nanny boo boo approach. I’m rubber and you’re glue, what bounces off of me sticks to you! You’re another one! Your mother wears Army boots!

Maybe Kinzinger just caught Trump on a bad day. Maybe after his workout at the gym Trump rushed through his shower with catastrophic results. What? Okay, but it could happen! Admittedly, it’s not the most popular theory. Maybe it was just a hot day. Maybe Trump was trying to cover the smell of armpits and butt with a gentle Heinz ketchup fragrance.

Do I smell a new Trump business opportunity here? Pepe Le Trump fragrance for men. The smell of success and cheeseburgers. Failure! A new fragrance by Donald Trump. Ode de Trump toilet water, the joke that tells itself. All that’s missing is the turd! This could start a whole new trend in history. The Odors of the Rich and famous!

I would wager that of all of the accusations leveled against Donald Trump this one hurts him the most. Wait! What am I saying? Trump care? I feel certain that Trump feels it in all 215 pounds of his being. Trump sensitive? Trump’s odor could be entirely on purpose. A power game, I smell like shit, but you can’t say anything about it. It was said, Mao smelled like a filthy men’s room with overflowing toilets on a tuna boat. That it was all part of his game, you wanted to speak to Mao. So, what seems to be on your mind?

A dedicated narcissist wouldn’t think he has a foul body odor. He or she would think they smelled just fine. That only the haters and never Trumpers would ever say he smelled boiled baby diarrhea. A letter from Trump’s physician would assure us Trump’s sweat was of the highest caliber and smelled better than the average person. Jim Jordan will lead an investigation into Hunter Biden’s perspiration and alleged halitosis.

“Please excuse my son Donny from the war. He has bone spurs and smells like a ripe shit wagon baking in the sun. Trust me! I’m doing you a favor! We have to hose him off just to bring him in the house. We use him at picnics to keep the flies off the food.”

Trump 2024 – Make America Stink Again!

Missing from the Trump Christmas card this year was his wife Malaria Trump. But she is said to be nursing her ailing anchor parent. Probably seeking treatment in the Bahamas or Monte Carlo where they have the very best hospitals. (Get it while you can) But when you have an ex-wife buried on your golf course. It’s always best to keep tabs. Maybe they could have used a recent picture or last year’s picture. Maybe, we now know why Malaria always looks like she is squinting in those photos with Donald.

Is anyone really surprised that Donald Trump stinks? He cheats in business; he cheats on his wives, and he cheats in Golf, but he’s always very clean? Does that make sense to you or pass the smell test? Smelling like arm pits and butts I can believe, but ketchup? That sounds like political hyperbole to me. How could Trump actually smell like ketchup? KFC? Sure! Big Mac breath? Dairy Queen farts, why not? But ketchup?

But Kinzinger is correct, Trump stinks. A failed businessman, a  demigog and criminal politician. A man with the odor of failure all about him. A man who ruins all he touches, including the Republican Party. Lincoln founded the Republican Party and Donald Trump will end it in a swirling stinking shit storm of his own funk.

“We were convinced that she looked on with indifference if she noticed us at all. Today I know that everything watches that nothing goes unseen, and that even wallpaper has a better memory than ours. It isn’t God in His heaven that sees all. A kitchen chair, a coat hanger, a half-filled ash tray, or the wooden replica of a woman named Niobe can perfectly well serve as an unforgetting witness to every one of our acts.” ― Günter Grass