This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It rivals a Monty Python skit only it’s hotter and with more bugs. Escambia County, Florida has banned the dictionary from its public school(s) because as any third grader knows, there are bad words in there. Bastard, Vagina, Penis and Shit! Ye shall be banned! Who is responsible for this filth? Trying to turn our children literate.  

Children shouldn’t have to live in a world with such words just laying around in their schools where anyone could find them. That’s what happens when you try to ban things. Because it always circles back around to bite you on the ass.

Republicans and “Christian” (so called) Conservatives hand in hand with Florida Governor Ron (Don’t say Gay) DeSantis made it easier in the name of Freedom to remove objectionable books from schools.  The first casualty was the Bible. Now wait a minute, that wasn’t supposed to happen! We just wanted to get those woke books off the shelves!

So finally, they reached the heart of the matter by going after the official source for word definitions. Orwell would be so proud. But here we are almost a quarter of the way through the 21^st Century. Who still uses a paper dictionary anymore? Slamming the barn door after the horses have gone! Those dirty words are loose on the Internet! They must now ban the Internet as well! That word filth pollution is everywhere.

It’s a dusty old book in the corner and the librarian likes to show it off to the kids. Library: Florida definition, an empty room with shelves. While removing the woke books they must also remove the sleeping books until they end up with no books or just coloring books.

All ideas are dangerous, and all media is propaganda. Their goal is to stop ideas and to declare an intellect free zone. All truth is in the Bible! “If you’re a slave, be a good one!” and “let your women keep silent in church!” Evil is in the eye of the beholder.

It reminds me of the town that changed all their streets to one-way and couldn’t get back downtown to change them back. Eventually, there will be no books left on the shelf it’s a zero-sum game. Trying to declare and codify (official) truth. We just don’t like books promoting ideas our mythology book opposes, even if it doesn’t come right out and say so.

Our version of the modern ancient truths with a cafeteria plan of one from column A. and two from Column B. Usury is okay! What’s wrong with usury? Open the stores on Sunday, with 24 hr. Liquor stores, screw the Sabbath! But now ideas about homosexuality, that has to go. Ideas about racism and struggle those have to go too.

Like trying to stone someone to death for saying the name of Jehovah without ever saying Jehovah yourself. What are you trying to do? Teach the children that this state was once filled with heartless bigots and racists? Not on our watch!

Must eliminate the word “evolve” cause didn’t nothing evolve. God made it all in seven days! Remove the words “evolve” and the word “dinosaur.” Remove the words from the printed page. Make the world a better place! Stop thinking! Real Americans don’t ask questions! If Jesus had wanted you to know, he would have told you by now!

Burning the library at Alexandria one scroll at a time but the dominos just won’t stop falling. Ron DeSantis was anti-everything. Anti-mask, anti-vaccine. Let em die! They’re just little people! I want my fucking hamburger whenever I want it! You go on and load those cruise ships. Time is money, people! Even if you’re sick with a temperature of 103, it’s still the Bahamas! That dream vacation you’ll always remember in a dream! Y’all come back now, ya here?

Poor Ron DeSantis (The Crow; dead but still moves) was way ahead of Nikki Haley and then tied with Nikki Haley and now, Ron trails behind Nikki Haley. Ron was going to outgun his conservative opponents, but he went too far. The Mickey Mouse wrestling matches and book banning’s have not been selling up Nawth, like they do with the home folks.

Other filth removed from the Flor-A- Duh library shelves includes The Guinness Book of World Records and Ripley’s Believe or Not.” Children in Escambia county will never know who the two fattest twins in the world were. Lacking the intellectual curiosity to even ask “Who had the longest fingernails ever?” And eight, count em, eight encyclopedias have been banned for their sexual content and or dirty pictures.

The school district has already found 1,600 and counting objectionable volumes in the library to remove. Until it becomes like a Monty Python skit only hotter and with more bugs.

“This parrot is dead!”

Oh no, it can’t be sir.

“This parrot is dead!”

It’s against the law to say dead parrot around here! So, I’d watch my mouth if I were you sir. How do you know it’s dead? Did you read about dead parrots in an encyclopedia someplace sir? I think not sir! We don’t allow filth like that in our libraries. So, take your bird an get out before I call the cops on you. The full price of ignorance is never paid.

“If this nation is to be wise as well as strong, if we are to achieve our destiny, then we need more new ideas for more wise men reading more good books in more public libraries. These libraries should be open to all—except the censor. We must know all the facts and hear all the alternatives and listen to all the criticisms. Let us welcome controversial books and controversial authors. For the Bill of Rights is the guardian of our security as well as our liberty.”  – John F Kennedy