This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

There are always signs and precursors. Milestones, things said that wouldn’t otherwise be said if conditions weren’t as they were. Poor old Ron (Charlie Brown) DeSantis lets his guard down as his anger begins to rise.

“He’s got basically a Praetorian Guard of the conservative media — Fox News, the web sites, all the stuff — they just don’t hold him accountable because they’re worried about losing viewers,”

It’s all fixed, the orange bastard has Boardwalk and Park Place all sewed up and all the damn railroads too! You just can’t win. Ron is basically spilling the beans and telling the truth, it’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. Ron bought the ticket and took the ride. And now, Ron sees the end of his journey in sight, and the moment is profound for him. His dreams and aspirations are dying. Ron’s ready to talk inside baseball because maybe he won’t be inside baseball much longer.

The DeSantis campaign has been drifting and generally lacking any of that Madison Ave. pizazz. The new guy we all thought was so cool until we discovered he really wasn’t cool at all. Back in those early daze of yesteryear, Ron ran the headlines with his activist policies against the state’s largest employer.

Ron attacked “Wokeism” which is whatever Ron said it was, and it was bad, real bad. As these things tend to go these days, pretty soon it became a meme. Ron DeSantis mud wrestles Mickey Mouse. Ron DeSantis wants books banned and a backlash begins to build with the negative attention.

Ron backed off on his “wokeism,” and his campaign began to faulter and lose steam. The gators want red meat and won’t be satisfied with a glass of skim milk and two sensible cookies. It’s not all Ron’s fault there is a restlessness inside the Republican electorate.

Divided, Trumper’s and anyone but Trumper’s. And the many Republicans who wish to move on but just don’t know how. So, they wander on like specters in the night roaming from candidate to candidate, trying them each on like a coat to see if they fit before discarding them.

Candidates who criticize Donald Trump are weeded out. So, rule no. 1 is to speak no evil. They’ll get up the gumption every once in a while, to lob a few spitballs in Trump’s general direction, but no rocks. Nikki Haley says Trump should join the Republican debates. Hard hitting stuff, huh? Trump ignores her on his Fox News (FREE, FREE, FREE!) town hall. It’s the Ron DeSantis/Fox News complaint in its purest form.

Ron needs advance men and Party structure to rent the hall and schedule the speech. Gin up the locals then make sure to get plenty of media attention and Trump just picks up the phone and schedules a date on Fox News. No hall to rent, no media to contact. No out lays of cash or travel arrangements to make. “Be there Tuesday!”

There is an excitement gap as Ron is low energy. Chris Christie offered an angry swagger and pomposity. Vivek Ramaswamy is low energy and also comic relief. The candidate who speaks with a calm certain demeanor, who obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Then we have Nikki Haley whose only major qualification is that she is a woman.  She smiles a lot and makes a decent speech. Though rumor has it, she’s a few bricks shy of an intellectual hod.

None of the candidates seem to fit the bill, and none seem to consistently satisfy. No one you can see in the oval office for that 2 AM crisis. They all look dull when compared to Trump. How can they hope to compete?

The Republicans can blame the border crisis on Joe Biden, but Trump can offer to build concentration camps. Ron DeSantis says if elected; I’ll deport them all! Ho hum sure, you will Ron, sure you will. To paraphrase Mark Twain, the Republicans must stick to what is possible, Donald Trump Doesn’t. Ron makes a bold statement and is ignored. Trump makes ridiculous statements, and the crowd goes wild!

Back in the day around January 6^th Ole Trump was smelling even worse than usual. Republicans thought to themselves, you know, Ron DeSantis is cool. He’s  really not so bad he’s got a job and everything at least. And there was still a doubt if Donald Trump was actually running again, Ron DeSantis was the frontrunner there for a minute.

Then the orange Godzilla entered the picture and put Ron in a Tokyo headlock. Trump called Ron dull and boring, and DeSantis responded with “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but I can’t say anything bad about Donald Trump.”

It’s difficult to ascertain if Nikki Haley is actually surging or if Ron DeSantis is just fading that fast. The twins both say the same things and there isn’t a dimes worth of difference between either of them. No prospects, no policies, no plans. Just “Curse you, Joe Biden!” And if elected, I will do more of that stuff you like. Stuff you elected me to do! And Nancy Pelosi and Hunter Biden can just stick that in their pipe and smoke it.

If Donald Trump eventually wins the Republican nomination, it will be because he ran against an incredibly weak field of hamstrung, ho hum, rum dumb candidates. A southern Governor with a dull problem. An Internet techie with more dollars than sense.(Seriously?) A one-term former southern Governor and UN appointee, winner of the coveted Sarah Palin Award for her many intellectual accomplishments. 

They all say they’re running for President. But are they really even running at all? It’s like they are just going through the motions with the outcome preordained. There’s not enough Presidential timber there to build a small bird house. A bunch of political nobodies out gunning for Godzilla with pea shooters.