This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Born in thunder and died in slumber. And just like that, it was all over. Years of work down the drain. So long Ron, it’s been good to know you. But in Iowa, they said they know you well enough. All that money down the drain for nothing, just nothing. Futures died and heads rolled, and everybody got a pick slip. Everyone left without a word with nothing left needing to be said. The never back down campaign of Florida Governor Ron DeSantis is officially backing down and suspending their campaign.

A lot of early morning truck stop coffee under the bridge. Heading for another Kiwanis or Rotary breakfast then off to a Civitan lunch and dinners with some the chamber of Commerce someplace. Just like a rock band, everybody back on the bus! Another town, another show. Smile, emote, project. You’re angry…tell em why! Tell them, you have a plan to save America.

Step one, find an enemy. Step two, pursue the enemy. Step three, explain to the little people how the enemy is ruining everything for everyone. For best results: inflate strawmen fully before attacking.

The DeSantis campaign began back when Donald Trump was still being cagy and wouldn’t say for sure whether he was running or not. And nature abhors a void so brother Ron DeSantis was attracted and says, “Well, if nobody else is running, I will.” But it was all predicated on Trump not running. There was a time during the Trump curve when Republicans momentarily backed away from Trump out of shame and revulsion. But this is the short memory society, and all that falderal is long forgotten by now.

Ron and his Tallahassee tribe had engineered high profile legislation and had taken Conservative friendly positions designed to get national media attention. Public schools, Gays, Disney and wokeness! “Is this thing on?” Ron’s tough, Ron’s on the job! Ron is the people’s fighting champion. And he’s fighting for you, whether you like it or not.

His message was received well, and the money began to flow. But with money comes strings. We think you might need some serious national campaign advisors. So, tell Pete Best that Ringo is here, and his services are no longer required. The battle for control had begun with the first shuffling of staff.

They made Ron trim his nails and draw back his claws. Polling said his repressive legislation was hurting more than helping with desired demographics. Then Orange shadow appeared on the horizon and the DeSantis campaign put on a brave face. We’re all gentlemen here and there is room for everybody. And Trump answered, Ron DeSanctimonious!

Dull, boring, Ron DeSanctimonious! And it was all over before it ever really began. He’d caught the evil eye of the emperor. Trump needed a foil, someone to kick around and make his usual nasty remarks about. And all Ron could do is smile and say, “Good one.” Prohibited from ever hitting back at the emperor.

The emperor can make fun of your pimples, but you can’t say anything about his cancer. Don’t mention his legal troubles and for God’s sake, don’t mention January 6th. Pretend! Pretend all is well! Pretend the Republican Party isn’t becoming radicalized and headed for a brick wall at a high rate of speed. You can do it. Just ignore his many indictments. Just campaign like he’s anyone else, not facing jail time or multiple felony indictments.

The public is fickle, one Howard Dean scream and it’s all over. No matter what they tell you, don’t ever get in the tank and go for a ride. Ron, it appears, was unable to connect with a national audience. A man in a business suit versus Bozo the dancing orange clown in Slugo town . How could Ron have ever hoped to compete against a cult leader? The low IQ crowd like Ron’s ideas just not Ron. Just another case of what sells down South not always selling in Peoria or Ottumwa.

Supporters of Ron DeSantis and Nikki Haley know. By putting Donald Trump near the White House is giving the government a crack pipe and a lighter or giving a baby a nail gun. That nagging feeling in the back of your mind telling you that something is not quite right. 96 indictments? Try not to think about it and put it out of your mind. “These aren’t the droids that you are looking for.”

For Ron, what’s next becomes a question mark. Term limited out of office and anything else would be a sideways promotion. Ron could become the Chancellor of one of those universities he inverserated in Florida. Giving Ron a chance to  fight that wokeness stuff up close and personal.

“What we have here is a failure to communicate.” A Republican Party in a Zombie trance while the cult leader howls at the moon. Pretending they don’t have a Fascist problem after all. Pretending they don’t have a January 6^th problem after all. Everything is fine, just fine, just cover your eyes. Don’t look, it’s just another trainwreck.

And then there were two, well one and a half maybe. See the amazing cult leader stomp the hapless Penelope Pitt Stop into the dust. As Trump brings out a line of South Carolina politicians who have already endorsed Trump.

Two sides of a fatally divided Party that don’t really like each other very much. The Trump Party and the Republican Party both with irreconcilable differences. But there is trouble brewing in Shangri La La land as Trump brags of taking another cognitive test but struggles to say the word “Climate.”  The word does have all those tricky letter sounds like “C” and “A.” And sometimes words just can’t squeeze through the plaque lined memory holes of his brain. But he’s good! Sharp as a tack.

You don’t call to have them come out and inspect your house for termites, if you don’t already suspect you might have termites.