This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Could Nikki be on to something here? Could the emperor’s crackers have no cheese? A chink in the armor perhaps or maybe the emperor’s wardrobe malfunction? Many have tried, and it’s a grand ambition she’s having too. I give her my kudos for suggesting Donald Trump is sliding down the acuity curve to the land of Koo Koo for Coco Puffs. And that Trump is subject to slight to moderate levels of mental lapses.

All because Trump publicly confused Nikki Haley with Nancy Pelosi in a campaign speech. Oh, the things that don’t show up on a mental acuity test. Identifying an animal from the animal kingdom is much less intellectually challenging than in separating two human individuals.

But both are women, and both are his political opponents. Presto chango easy peasy (Psst, don’t give Gramps the remote) But Trump stumbled into a trap of his own making, is he losing all his marbles down the ventilators of time? Many an expert witness have broached the theory that it was so. So, the new reports are only adding fuel to the fire.

But hey, this is Trump. He’s not ever going to change until the little porch light upstairs burns out. But by next week, maybe he might say something even worse or maybe walk on stage with his pants down around his ankles or with his fly open. And by the way, the cult doesn’t care one iota! Trump could dance naked in a fountain with flowers in his hair singing “YMCA” with full choreography and the cult wouldn’t care.

With their polarized lens they see only what they want to see. Der Fuhrer and his wonder weapons again. Trump also had another incident of slurred speech struggling to say the word “Climate.” That’s easy to explain away. It’s like the Apollo 11 landing computer and Donald Trump keeps getting those 1201 alarms. Computer overloading! Your call is very important to us. 404: File not found. He’s locking up and needs a refresh.

Can Nikki make the tick stick? When the cult just doesn’t care about facts or reasons or obligations or principles. Like the mesmerized children of Hamelin, they stare off dreamily into space listening to the magic flute music. The one Republican who did the right thing on January 6^th is the villain and the one Republican who did wrong is their hero. By jingies, that Donald Trump is fighting for us! He’s fighting the deep state and the baby eating pedophiles!

Like a bell curve, the radicalization of the cult leads to the departure of the less than true believers. The cult becomes purified through bloodletting leading to further radicalization though at a diminished level. Inside the party many are frightened because they fear Trump could take the world over the falls in a barrel on a disjointed lark. They see his crazed radical crackhead mob as a threat to the continued existence of the Republican Party.

And if Trump is on the express train traveling to the land of squirrels and nutz, what then? Who steps up to speak for the Fuhrer and answer his mail? Who is in charge here and who is driving the bus? “Just sign here sir; we will fill in something nice you’ll like at a later date. Now, finish your oatmeal sir. Here’s your straw!”

Perhaps Trump just had a glitch and confused the names of his adversaries and is just as sharp as he ever was (open to wide interpretation) Sharpie not included. Your weather report may be different, so check your local listings. There just is no baseline to judge Trump’s mental acuity he’s always been up fucked. A third-rate conman in a second-rate suit selling Mother Hubbard’s ever loving old fashioned Shinola shoe polish. Made from 100% USDA choice boneless Bullshit!

The man is under a lot of pressure and the worst is the pressure at home. It has been reported that Donald and his wife Malaria are going through a rough patch. Not surprising really, I doubt I’d be a lot of fun to be around if I were under massive Federal indictment. Rumor further has it; Mrs. Trump is unhappy to be headed back into the seat of madness. Bess Truman didn’t like the White House either. Mrs. Trump is just uncomfortable being seen in the spotlight with all her clothes on, while Bess Truman was not. But when the wife’s not happy.

Nikki has set herself a tall order, and the cult is not going to like it. She can’t just talk bad about der Fuhrer and get away with it! That’s the third rail of Republican politics, talking about Trump’s mental acuity. He’s 6 foot 3” and 210 pounds, got it? What else do you need to know? We’re going full fantasyland on this one!

Just like before, only different! Last time, we only scorned and threatened the migrants. This time we’re going to put them in camps and deport them! The darker side of Donald Trump mimicking his idol. Selling the unsellable to the unintelligible.

But in the end, Nikki won’t be able to bring Trump down. She doesn’t have the horses for it, and the orange cyclops will grind her bones to make his bread. The fall must be self-inflicted, let Trump have another spell or word constipation episode. Maybe Trump says or does something even worse and glaring before election day.

And when I’m elected, I’ll create a new day! And I’ll call it Trumpday. We will have eight beautiful days in every week! So, that way everyone can have a three-day weekend!

“Gentlemen, gentlemen! I won’t take any more credit for this victory than necessary. Lord Kitschener did not – nay, will not – die in vain, grid willing. [Applause] Gentlemen, gentlemen – I, as leader, will use power like a drum, and leadership like a violin. Take out any idea. Compare ideas, with the one idea left we are left you have no doubt and without a doubt we have enthusiasm! Gentlemen, gentlemen, please, gentlemen – to make life whole, it’s as easy as a bridge! Now, now, gentle- gentlemen, now that we have obtained control we must pull together as one – like a twin! Keeping the prophecy of power as enthusiasm! All for one!

All for one!

– and all for one!

All for one!

Let me hear it for me!

You’re under arrest!”

-The Firesign Theater