This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

In Republican politics, it is always best to make an accurate head count of the idiots in the room before making any drastic decisions. Lauren Boebert was in a swing district. After all of Lauren’s local antics and national reputation, along with a strong Democratic challenger threatening to make the district swing the other way.

 Ms. Boebert then decided to jump districts into a safer Republican space. Into a safe space where they have heard of her, but not heard all about her. But Ms. Boebert was jumping into a local race. A race filled with local boys who’ve been around town there a long time. Ms. Boebert was counting on name recognition and incumbency to carry the day and push these shit kickers to the back of the room.  “Okay everybody! I’m here!”

It is really all a simple question of math. It is easier to compete against ONE Democratic challenger than to compete against FIVE or SIX fellow LOCAL Republicans, all fighting for ONE job! So, in a straw poll for the district, Ms. Boebert emerged a distant FIFTH! See? You must always make an accurate head count of the Republican idiots in the room. And the straw poll has shown Boebert came up a full short bus full of idiots.

Oh, what to do now? The poll is saying, “The district doesn’t care if you’re the incumbent. You ain’t nobody round here.” Lauren can’t go back now. She’s caught in the political maze in a restaurant place mat and has miscalculated. As it appears now, Ms. Boebert has outsmarted herself right out of a job. She is unlikely to win the primary and so, unlikely to become the Republican nominee.

How desperate was Lauren to jump districts? How dire was the local polling to prompt such a hail Mary? Were they willing to give her $30,000 in hush money to just go away? That’s the going rate for buying aspiring Republican politicians. Don’t you let yourself be undersold! Kerri Lake was offered 30 K to just go away for a couple of years. Which to make Kerri Lake go away sounds like a pretty sweet deal, at least, for a couple of years anyway. If I had that kind of funding and were shackled with a Kerri Lake. I should call it a bargain.

But the world calls it a crime. So, Arizona has new Republican state party chairman and Kerri Lake is still threatening  to run for the Senate. A lose/lose proposition for everyone involved, if ever there was one. Again, there just weren’t enough idiots in the room. Ask yourself; if your own side was willing to give you large sums of money just to go away. Why?

Maybe they see you are a polarizing angry voice, destined not only to lose your own race. But liable to drag down the entire Republican slate. Or maybe, the just don’t think that you can win and they have another candidate in mind. The 30 K was just to sort of to take the sting out of it, as a sort of lovely (nothing personal) parting gift. Like Rice a Roni or Samsonite luggage, they offered Lake a couple of thousand of suitcases or a truck load of Rice a Roni in check form.

Lake had recorded the conversation and later dropped a dime on the Party chairman instead. (Nice!) Because creating a scandal is good way of ingratiating yourself with the Party establishment. Just another example of Lake’s Fuck you! Fightin! Take no prisoner’s style of politics. Thirty K a bargain, yes, or no? But either way, you can see at least, why they tried the bribery route first.

Lake fails to realize the Republicans already have an idiot bought and paid for in Kyrsten Sinema, and they don’t need another one. Though Sinema was elected to office as a Democrat, She quickly crossed the aisle and began to party and caucus with Republicans before announcing she’s now an “Independent” in an ugly yellow dress. My aunt Fanny she’s an independent!

So, a Kerri Lake Senate candidacy could upset the apple cart. There just aren’t enough Republican idiots to go around. Lake can’t win but could guarantee Sinema will lose by diluting the idiot vote. Kerri Lake is an avowed Trumper through and through. Please take note of what she just did to the state party chairman. If she can’t have it, she’ll break it. If Trump can’t have it, he too will try breaking it…again.

It is all a sign of the disintegrating and degenerative times and a sign of Republican end times and dissolution. Losing control and striking out wildly and trying anything in desperation trying to hold on.

The Oklahoma Republican Party has just voted to censure Republican Senator James Lankford for the grave crime of doing his job. Censuring Lankford for working with Senate Democrats on a compromise border bill. And in their feeding frenzy they will begin to eat their own.

“He’s a witch! Stone him! Stone the witch!” After two years of squalling like a house cat in heat and gibbering like chimps to do something about the border. Republicans now call Jinx – Jinx and heresy on any Republican who would dare lift a finger to fix the border.  All because orange Fatso says so.

It is shockingly Orwellian and straight off the pages of 1984. Today we love Eurasia and tomorrow we hate Eurasia, and nobody questions the contradictions. Two weeks ago, a border deal would have made Langford a hero and today, it’s the reason why they write him up.

Now ask yourself, in light of current developments what other Republican politicians would do? If you said, run inside and hide shutting the door behind you and hiding under the bed until this madness is all over? Ding, ding, ding!  The Republicans abrupt 180 degree turn on the border deal will do what for them in November? A Republican Party paralyzed by Mad Max Trump and flirting with disaster. The lifeless body of the Republican Party helplessly strapped to the front of Trump’s bus.

Where are they going? They have no idea.