This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

See the sky about to rain. As the Republican presidential field narrows, Republican donors and financiers must now stand and deliver like UPS. Trump or Haley? Speak up? Sound off like you’ve got a pair! I can’t hear you? It’s best if you make a donation in support of the orange Fuhrer today. If not to curry his favor to at least assuage his anger. He wouldn’t like it very much if I told him, you were hesitant to write him a check.

Most vertebrates understand that with Donald Trump’s headwinds and legal peccadillos his presidential path is doubtful and fraught with peril. Statistically, Trump’s election is virtually impossible. Practically, it is impossible. Trump lost the popular vote last time around by a wide margin. Trump’s support looks to be about half of the Republican Party this time around with the other half desiring anyone but. A practical recipe for Republican voters to stay home.

But for a Republican financier type trying to cover the table must ask themselves, “what if?” What if by some fluke or calamity, Trump happens to get back into office again and I have pissed him off? Al Capone used to sell a lot of beer that way back in old Chicago. The boss thinks you need two kegs of beer, but three kegs would make him smile. You want the boss to smile, don’t you?

Hotel magnate Robert Bigelow donates a million dollars to Trump and “promises,” promises twenty million more. It’s a good idea too, huh? Politically speaking? It’s been reported Trump spent fifty million dollars last year of donated money for his legal defense. “I’m looking for about $83.3 million dollars, can you help me out? Or do I put your name on the shit list of perpetual torment?”

At current funding levels, Trump debts could be paid off in no time at all. What with this being an election year. Let’s get real. This is Donald Trump. WWDTD? He’d bring out the thumb screws and hit up everyone from Alfred Alvin Apple to Z. Z. Zithers for a friendly campaign donation. Make America Great Again…or else! What would you do if they came to your door, and you had a great deal at stake? Are you so sure you would want to send them away empty handed? You know, anything could happen.

Just give them a million dollars and send them on their way. There are only two Republican candidates left standing. Stand and deliver! As in, Trump’s comment about anyone caught giving money to Nikki would banned from Trump heaven forever and ever.

Trump has seized power inside the House of Representatives and holds them hostage like Patty Hearst. Trump sniffs at and scuttles the border deal. He wants to use the border as a campaign issue. Never mind if the house is left with their Richards hanging out. They haven’t accomplished a damn thing so far and really needed this bill to try and look good. But if the orange Fuhrer says “no.” Then “no,” it is!

Republican Speaker Mike Penile Euphemism wipes the dribble from his mouth and says well, it’s sort of this way. And you never can tell this might be one of those things but, you  never can tell. And until we know more about the details buried deep, deep down inside this bill we helped to draft. We’re going to have to vote it down. AKA Trump said, “No.” Yes sir, whatever you desire sir. Throw away our best accomplishment of the session just to please you? Yes sir, right away sir!

The plan was simple, Republican governors (Texas) would help to foment a crisis at the border. Then Republicans in Congress would ride in on their white sheets. I mean, white steeds, and save the day with their border bill. Take that Joe Biden!

But Congress isn’t running against Joe Biden and Trump is. Any victory in any form is a Trump defeat. As in, Trump hoping the economy crashes. All the warning signs are there. Trump is willing to tank the Republicans in the house just to puff his own goods.

The Republicans have handed Trump the wheel and Trump shouts back “Brick wall, full speed ahead! Warp factor five, Mr. Sulu!” Doing what’s best for Trump at all times. Instead of passing a border bill the campaign issue will be NOT passing the border bill. Not for the cult of course, any reason or excuse is good enough for them. The bill that we helped to draft isn’t near good enough. It is a bad bill filled with mysteries and dark corners which we don’t fully understand. Wipe your mouth before you say stuff like that, Mike.

Republicans cry this is all Joe Biden’s fault. Mike Penile Euphemism says Joe Biden has the power to shut down the border now. But can’t explain why the border bill gives the President the explicit power to shut the border. I mean if the President already has the power now, why specifically put it in the new bill, hmmm?

Republicans in their paranoia and penchant for conspiracy see another one in the offing in Taylor Swift. She’s popular and successful, and she tells young people to vote. She gives money away to charity and saves whales.

She must be a George Soros agent. The Deep state must have planned her. Deep in a dark hideaway somewhere and trained her since childhood. Swift’s good looks and popularity are groomed for the express detriment of Donald Trump and the Republicans. And she’s got a football player boyfriend too, and he’s going to the Super Bowl. Huh, huh? Pretty obvious, huh?

This is obviously all a set up! As the victory confetti falls from the rafters, not the confefe. America’s couple, the singing Barbie and football player Ken, lock arms and embrace and shout into America’s living rooms “Vote for Joe Biden!” They kiss as the camera fades.

The Super Bowl and the whole the NFL season was all just a put-up job. All staged and engineered just to support Joe Biden. The big lie just isn’t near big enough anymore, so the Republicans had to get a new one.

See the sky about to rain.