This Carbon Based Life

Brought to you by the partnership for a Trump free America.

By David Glenn Cox

“Off with her head!” The tangerine king screamed, “Off with her head!” And just like that on the word of the king alone, Ronna McDaniel was removed as head of the Republican Party. When you work for the Nazi Party, there is no such thing as job security. McDaniel had somehow offended the king either intentionally or unintentionally. “You’ve got ten minutes to get your personal things from the office and be gone from here. And never you darken our door again!”

Maybe Donald Trump was just having a bad day or maybe he was just being der Fuhrer, making an example of one who didn’t listen attentively enough for the others to learn from. This ain’t Disneyland children, this is Jonestown! Trump’s vengeance tour begins today! It is always a good barometer of a group’s stability by judging how many times they change leadership and why.

Let us have a moment of silence in remembrance of Kevin McCarthy. To remember all the things which Kevin failed to accomplish. The Republicans never wanted Kevin in the first place. But Kevin begged and wheedled and begged some more making promises. Writing checks his butt couldn’t cash and besides, no one else acceptable, really wanted the job. Riding roughshod over a room filled with rabid house cats each pissing in the corner and each spoiling for a fight.

The Matt Gaetz Gorillas, or the Gaetz eight, house members who specialize in kicking over sandcastles and pissing in punch bowls just for the attention it offers them, and for the damn meanness of it. Kevin ran afoul after following up on an ethics complaint about the pedophile peccadillos for Pesos of Matt Gaetz. Kevin had painted a target on his own back. “I’ll get you!”

Remember that time the Republicans suggested Jim Jordan for Speaker of the House? That was hysterical, and we all laughed and laughed. The response to the Jordan idea was sooo negative even Jordan, a man with little shame or self-reflection skills was humbled into withdrawing his own name from consideration. Then, out of the mist  came “What’s his name?” A lover of Jesus and internet porn, Mike is anointed with a flaming rod of Jesus and Donald Trump.

Mike, “What’s his name.” Let’s make him Speaker; it might work out. And so, this Radar O’Reilly looking character became the leader of the 4077 MAGA. A Trumper through and through, and a symbol of the successful Trump takeover of the house. Meanwhile, in a fit of anger, Kevin McCarthy RESIGNED (Take That!) from Congress and took his houseplants and office brick a brack home with him, promising revenge. (I bet you’re sorry now!) Kevin is working behind the scenes and through money channels to defund that Gaetz Gorillas.

Nikki Haley requested Secret Service protection after threats she has received from Trump Republicans cultists on the campaign trail. The Democrats have no reason to bother Nikki; she’s not doing anything harmful. Nikki is there for the same reason you keep a spare tire in the trunk of your car. Just in case, just in case something bad happens and Republicans are suddenly caught on the side of the road without their anointed one.  An air head and a spare head. “Pink isn’t well, he stayed back at the hotel!”

Gerald Ford PARDONED Richard Nixon. Pardoned him but why? If Richard Nixon had absolute Presidential immunity, what would he need with Ford’s piss anty little pardon for? Kiss my ass Jerry and stick that pardon where the sun doesn’t shine, I have immunity from crimes…not!”

Bill Clinton surrendered his law license to avoid prosecution and why if he had immunity? Donald Trump takes a case so lame before the federal court, a tent preacher couldn’t heal it. A three judge Federal panel answers, “Get outta of town with this bullshit” unanimously ruling against Trump. Now headed for a Supreme Court near you! Check your local listings for times and stations in your area.

To save Trump’s bacon,  the Supreme Court must contort itself to ruling that day is night and gravity doesn’t apply to Donald Trump. Or Donald Trump is a cooked turkey naked before the broiler and the law. Keep Nikki on speed dial! 2 + 2 equals five Winston. Either way, somebody is getting punched in the nose here. If the Court rules against Trump, it’s Trump getting punched. If the Court rules for Trump, it’s the Court themselves getting punched in the nose. Either way, somebody is getting out of the lifeboat boat and slipping into the cold, cold water.

One more massively unpopular Supreme Court ruling before election day will hand the White House and Congress over to the Democrats in a cake walk.

Republicans have sworn to defeat the immigration bill that they, the Republicans have demanded for two years. A bill the Liberal bastion publication “The Wall Street Journal” calls, “a good bill.” But the tangerine king said no. So no, it is!  

In a stunning, but oh, not so stunning surprise. The Republican led house impeachment of the week has failed to impeach Homeland Security Director Andrew Mayorkas. Joining the ranks of other failed Republican witch hunts. Impeaching other such notables as Hunter Biden and Joe Biden. Republicans headed for election day looking like babies playing in the mud and making mud pies. This is your Republican Party on Trump, any questions?

You can see what is coming, a clash what with Trump’s primary victories. The proselytites and bedwetters are getting very excited. Poor Nikki Haley came in second place behind “none of the above” in the Nevada primary. But stick around Nikki, we might still need you, tomorrow never knows.

The Republicans in the Senate have tried to remain aloof, but Trump’s complete takeover of the house has left the Senate isolated, ostracized, and made insignificant. Mitt Romney says, Trumper’s are just misguided which is Washington political speak for fucked in the head.

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?” ― Lewis Carroll