This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! He can’t own a firearm convicted felon guilty. Anybody out there surprised? Raise your hands. I was expecting guilty verdicts, but not on all counts. There’s always those one or two miscellaneous meaningless charges they usually dismiss. A consolation prize pity verdict, “you’ve been convicted on thirty-two of the thirty-four charges.” But nope, not this time. A clean sweep. Skunked!

Donald Trump can still run for President, but he can no longer vote for himself. They said the charges each carrying penalties of up to four years in jail. Even with my poor math skills, that’s a long time. But they also said it was unlikely Trump would receive any jail time. That’s a shame, why is that I wonder? Thirty-four charges wasn’t an accident or a miscue. This was something they did all the time.

And then they got casual about doing it because they did it so often. What sort of sentence would you or I receive on thirty-four guilty verdicts?

My sympathies to Mrs. Trump. She came to this country as a simple hard-working porn actress trying to go down on the ladder of success and now this. You are not just accused of having sex with another porn actress while your porn actress wife was pregnant. This is no longer a suspicion or another ugly rumor. You’ve been convicted of it by a jury of your peers. “Don’t listen to them honey! A bunch of strangers, they don’t know nothing!” But it’s now official! According to the state of New York, yes, he did!

Trump can’t even use his famous “She’s not my type” excuse. As the Mrs. asks, “Since when are porn actresses, not your type?” Oh, sugar lips, I’m not attracted to her! She’s ugly, she’s just a skanky hoe out on the make. She’s already a citizen.  You know I only like undocumented porn actresses!

It’s one thing to cheat on your spouse. It is another thing to cheat on your spouse with a public figure. Way out in left field in a galaxy far, far away is cheating on your spouse with a public figure and getting caught. Getting caught and having it blown up into the court case of the decade with national implications. Something tells me it’s going to be a little frosty at the Mar-A-Lago breakfast table.

You look wonderful this morning Honey. Are you doing something new with your hair? “She accurately described your penis, Donald! How could she know that?” Who knows Honey, maybe it was just a lucky guess!

Honey, are you going to come to court and sit in the audience to show your support for your ever-loving big daddy? Honey? Hmmm? Will you? Please? Is that a, yes, Honey? No surprise here, the Mrs. was a no show.

Trump’s response to the verdict was “Meh, start the appeal.” It is all very Donald Trump and Pee Wee Herman, “I meant to do that! I ain’t afraid of no ghosts. I just don’t feel like walking around in the dark is all. Pure Trump, the more it hurts the less he says about it or lets his defeat show.

I was watching CBS, because I stream and so get news clips off of YouTube. I saw the headline in the thumbnail and just had to go for it. Streamers can’t be choosers. Nora O’Donnell gave a run down on the charges with a red graphic denoting GUILTY thirty-four times. Then inexplicably, they cut to former Fox News Anchor Major Garrett.

Garret then explained for several long and tedious minutes, how lots and lots of people don’t really believe any of this. Millions who think these charges are all bogus and political. Garrett was taking the Trump side of the argument, so the Trumper fans wouldn’t be upset with CBS. We just report the news whether we believe it or not. You have a perfect Constitutional right not to believe any of this!

Only, the great state of New York has presented a case before a jury of Donald Trump peers and has obtained thirty-four convictions. It is no longer a matter of opinion; it’s fact. And if the widdle babies get their feelings hurt because they don’t like the outcome. Then they need to be stroked and petted to calm them all down. “We’re just reporting he’s been found guilty. Don’t get mad at us! That doesn’t mean we believe it!”

Garrett was near certain we’d all be sorry for this. That there would be an outburst from Donald Trump’s faux conservative cronies which would make us regret ever prosecuting Trump. Oh, you’ve done it now! You’ve gone and made them angry.

The “news” was DONALD TRUMP FOUND GUILTY. But CBS gave equal weight to the legal theory of you don’t have to believe it, if you don’t want to. No, you have a right to your own opinion, but you don’t have a right to your own facts. Donald Trump was convicted of crimes, guilty, guilty, guilty!

It is no longer a question of if Trump did it. He did!

The coven of craven Republicans will circle their cauldrons behind Trump and whine and complain about this or about that. They can whine about it all they want, but they can’t change it. They can blame the prosecutors and blame the judges. They can blame the Justice Department and Joe Biden. But none of that changes the facts, GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! Guilty as charged on all counts.

“In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by, Dreaming as the summers die: Ever drifting down the stream- Lingering in the golden gleam- Life, what is it but a dream?” ― Lewis Carroll