This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Off with his head! The Red Queen screamed. He has blasphemed, so he must die! The head of Project 2025 has stepped down in shame and disgrace. He was rocking along there doing his job whatever that was and then, Donald Trump publicly criticized Project 2025. So, he’s got to go, gather up your things and get out! Don’t make me call security.

Mr. Trump’s criticism of the group was all just a political ploy trying to distance himself from the group’s radical Reich wing agenda. He still loves the group and all of their goals. Only now, a public criticism has been lodged, so you’ve got to go. Mr. Trump is unhappy, he said so. So, you’ve got to go now. To become a sacrificial lamb to show our god we’re listening to him. “We have heard you oh lord! And we have cast him out from among us!”

If you don’t like him, boss, we’ll just get somebody else. “Jetson, You’re Fired!” In fascist fun and follies, you get ahead by sucking up rather than through achievement. If your boss is stealing money, wait for just the right moment to expose them. And if they aren’t stealing money, start rumors that say they are. And if you find an opportunity to get rid of someone you don’t like in the office. Mr. Trump has criticized the group…so you’re fired. Having the job security and life expectancy of a fruit fly.

Anthony Scaramouche is now the gold standard. Republican Party chairwoman Rona McDaniel was also sacked just because. Because Mr. Trump wanted to control the Republican Party purse strings. Ms. McDaniel stood in the way and was replaced with Mr. Trump’s daughter-in-law. Don’t let the “no experience” thing stand in her way. I’m sure she will do just fine. Besides, that’s what Mr. Trump wants. So don’t you dare question it.

Why form a committee? Why not just let Mr. Trump choose his own running mate. In the end it’s his choice. So why bother him collecting facts and figures? I’m sure Mr. Trump will choose somebody wonderful. Someone we can all get behind in November. Do you know that feeling when you lose the rhythm, and you just can’t seem to get it back? You keep making those wrong steps.

J.D. shows us all of the backstage glamour and pomp of a big time Republican rally. Snickers bars, Lays potato chips and Diet Mountain Dew. I dunno if I were J.D. if I wouldn’t take that last one as a slight. Some sort of veiled remark about his supposed hillbilly lineage. But J.D. describes the products as “crap.” Let me tuck my shirt in. I didn’t realize this was a formal meeting. “Crap!” got it? You can take the boy out of the country.

I could fix the candidacy of J.D. Vance in just two words. Shut the holy fuck up! Smile, wave, tell everyone you hope they’ll vote for you in November. Then shut the hell up and get back in the car. You don’t know nothing but what you love Donald Trump a whole lot. You have no other duties or opinions. Smile! Wave! Then get back in the car.

In a normal campaign, the VP nominee would be briefed on what to say and what not to say. But this is Donald Trump’s selection and Donald Trump’s campaign. Who wants to be that big brave fellow in the office to tell der Fuhrer his selection stinks? His selection has a big mouth and won’t shut up. His selection is hurting the ticket in ways never even thought possible before.

No convention bump, nothing, zero nada. Then J.D. opens his big bazoo igniting controversy on day one about cat ladies. Then he talks tax policy. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” There is no reason under God’s green earth why a Republican Vice-Presidential nominee ever needs to talk about tax policy! That is smoking a joint in a dynamite factory. It is not now, nor will it ever be J.D.s job to set policy on anything. Be it tax policy or bathroom breaks policy. This little pudknocker is running loose like the Tasmanian devil without control or correction. I wonder why?

Who is running this show? Who is in charge here? Why is the VP nominee creating controversies faster than the home office can quash them? Fieldstone’s Field Guide for political candidates says, “Igniting three controversies in a single week is politically dangerous.”  

Why is this Vice-Presidential Billy Bob running unattended, unfiltered and uncorrected? Who is minding the store? Donald Trump wakes to find his lead evaporating in the swing states. Does someone wish to mention these little controversies surrounding young J.D to der Fuhrer?

Go ahead and tell him J.D. Vance was a poor choice. I dare you, I’m certain Mr. Trump will appreciate your candor. He likes being corrected. The Trump camp is floating, drifting without direction. The Vice-Presidential nominee is shooting his mouth off, and nobody says nothing! Humpty Dumpty has a short fuse and doesn’t take bad news or constructive criticism lightly.

Rule number one: The boss always right. Rule number two: If the boss isn’t right. Shut the hell up about it and protect yourself in the clinches. Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies!

But with each dip of the Trump poll numbers the tension rises, and the fear begins to take hold of them. Everybody already knows but someday, someone has to get up the gumption to tell the Fuhrer. Somebody needs to straighten him out before it’s too late. But not me, of course. That’s not my job. It’s not my job to tell the Fuhrer his baby is ugly.

“There is no other way to guard yourself against flattery than by making men understand that telling you the truth will not offend you.”  ― Niccolo Machiavelli