This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

It is like Mark Twain once said. “Sometimes I don’t know if the world is being run by sane people who are putting us on or by crazy people who really mean it.” What are the chances? In a random universe with a random New York City with its 8.3 million random inhabitants. Not including the millions in the random surrounding metropolitan area.

What are the chances someone would find a dead bear cub? What are the chances someone would find a dead animal and decide to take it home and eat it? (In Chilton County Alabama, that’s a rhetorical question.)What are the chances your friend comes to you to ask for a favor? “I have this old bicycle, and you have a van. Could you help me to dispose of this bicycle with your van?” Old bicycles are just so difficult to get rid of.

What are the chances after picking up a dead animal carcass to take home for Roadkill Surprise. When, Eureka! An idea flashes through your brain. Dead Bear + Bicycle + Central Park = prank of the Century. What are the chances, huh? Boy, that’s some real comedy there! Everybody loves dead animal pranks! Talk about your fun at parties!

Simulated human Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Takes credit for the dead bear stunt. What are the chances corpse abuse turns funny? Mr. Kennedy kept his secret for ten years and keeping it for another ten years probably wouldn’t have hurt him any. Just think; out of all those random millions, it was him alone.

The prank is unclear, either the bear was supposed to look like it was struck by an old bicycle without a rider. Or the bear went for a ride on his old bicycle without a helmet and suffered a fatal spill. I say no rider because who would hit a bear in Central Park and flee? This is not something that happens every day even in New York City, and clearly the bicycle had the right of way. At the very least, you might get a new bicycle out of it.

But of all of the random occurrences in this odd and peculiar universe of ours. The perpetrator of a dead animal prank in Central Park would be running for President on the obscure oddball and Independent Idiot ticket. Don’t tread on me! But pranks are okay. Boy, that’s a lot of coincidences, huh? All those unprovable claims from ten years ago. What are the chances this guy is full of shit?

What does he have to lose by telling us a whopper? It’s been ten years, and nobody else has taken credit for it. “It was me! and I want your vote for President!” As a member of the pro bear anti animal prank lobby. I’m afraid that won’t be possible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude. I like a good prank as much as anybody.

I once got the animatronic Santa moved to the front of the store after I hung lace panties from his hands. He would turn from side to side smiling with his hands in the air with lace panties shouting, “Ho, ho, ho!” The stunt drew quite a crowd with smiles all around, and no small animals were harmed.

Who would take credit for a prank nobody laughed at in ten years? What kind of campaign management would think that telling this story was a good idea? Sure thing Bobby, that’s great! It really humanizes you as a man of the people. The kind of guy who would help out a friend by illegally dumping in Central Park.

It has been a problem from the very beginning. They try their very best to make little Bobby appear normal, human and mainstream, but if you scratch the veneer. You have the kind of man who pulls a dead animal and littering prank. The kind of guy who thinks telling this story will help him with voters. “Laugh, guffaw snicker! Wait, wait! Then I put the dead bear cub on top of the bicycle!” Just wait until they find this! Snicker, guffaw, it will be a laugh riot!

And they say Donald Trump is weird and he is. A Trumper (name withheld) told me he didn’t like J.D. Vance because he didn’t like men who wore eyeliner. Orange face paint is okay with no opinion though on couch fucking. See that cult behavior at work? Doublethink! Donald Trump can wear orange face makeup, but J. D. Vance is an asshole because he wears eye makeup.

Donny Dribble says he has no choice but to support electric vehicles now, because Elon Musk is funding his campaign. Mark my words, if this world survives for another ten years. Elon Musk will be one of the least popular human beings on the surface of this god forsaken mud ball. The new Henry Ford gladly buying up what Trump offers to sell. Trump displays no principles or ethics. Well, if the check clears, I guess I have to! Boy, those new Electric cars from Tesla sure are great, huh? It is only a 180-degree turn. Maybe no one will notice.

“Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power” ― Benito Mussolini

Nothing weird about changing your mind after someone offers you a lot of money, is there? A bare slate open for negotiation and purchase, unless you think bribery is weird? Like the 7-11 open 24hrs. Have checkbook, will travel.

“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well I have others.” ― Groucho Marx