This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I saw a headline “Five takeaways from Trump’s conversation with Elon Musk.” But I didn’t care really, and certainly not enough to read all about it. Self-absorbed crazy rich prick meets with self-absorbed crazy rich prick to talk all about self-absorbed crazy rich prick stuff. I only found one takeaway from the interview. After 40 minutes of glitches and delays in a “High Technology” modern media format. Marconi down at the X box probably got the sack.

Oh, the humiliation. The big shot rocketeer unable to handle a Zoom call. A Shakespearean tragedy of two desperate men attempting to purchase power and jerk off the public by selling their souls to each other live. Elon hitching his wagon to a falling political star. Elon getting to the party late just as it’s breaking up. The rich prick willing to buy another round just to keep everyone from leaving. Look Ma! I bought me a President! He’s a friend of mine! I must be really important!

For Donald Trump it illustrates no bottom, no dignity or knee pads left whatsoever. Long the enemy of electric cars and green energy. Says now that Elon’s writing those big checks in Trump’s own words. “I guess I like electric cars now.” This space for rent. Anything for a buck incorporated. He will literally endorse anything. Golden gym shoes, autographed Bibles or maybe even meth.

But the earth shook and was moved in an instant by Joe Biden’s departure. Nothing is the same now leaving Trump staggered like a boxer knocked down senseless by a hard left hand. Can Donald Trump recover or be saved by the bell? Elon’s investment must have seemed prudent at the time, but not so much anymore. “Hi everybody! Look who I’m friends with now!” BOO! The rednecks still won’t buy his cars and now, neither will the liberals.

Smooth move Exlax, go ahead and spit in your customer’s faces, why don’t you? Polarize yourself among those who truly hate your products. Elon believing, he could train the big bad baboon if he just feeds him enough bananas. The rube from out of town fresh off the turnip truck. Trusting, yes. At this late date, trusting Donald Trump.

Elon could give token donations to both sides if he liked or not give anything at all. But he can’t help himself. It’s only money and it’s just piling up on the floor anyway. And there is this candidate available and for sale at a good price. Why not just buy him? Trust me, he says. If elected, he promises to do whatever I say.  “Watch! I’ve taught Godzilla to do tricks!”

But the question of the day for us now is Donald Trump in a fatal flat spin? Is there enough time left for him to recover? Has the pied piper stumbled and lost his magic flute among the weeds? The simmering simian simpletons still roar but behind the scenes, the Republican intelligentsia (so called) are beginning to have their doubts. Oooh, that smell. Can’t you smell that smell? I wonder what the Trump merchandising revenue looks like these days? I bet that would tell us plenty. Especially after taking a 100% loss on all those “Let’s Go Brandon” tee shirts.

There is just something inexplicable sometimes. I’ve seen it all before. Jerry Ford with his Whip Inflation Now! buttons or Michael Dukakis driving a tank in a silly hat or Howard Dean’s scream. George Bush staring amazed at a grocery scanner. Dan Quayle explaining how to spell potato or Sarah Palin explaining she understood the intricacies of foreign policy because she lived geographically near Russia. And I’m an expert on geology because I live near a mountain.

An adjunct question is; Would Donald Trump be better off politically if he hadn’t just picked the worst possible running mate in all of recorded human history? The name J.D. Vance will echo and bring quiet shudders and solemn reflection in the halls of the Republican Party for many years to come. How can a cult leader pick someone nobody likes? The cult leader says “Like him! God damn it! I said like him!” But they don’t. “Ah, Houston we’ve got a problem.” The prawns are refusing to do as they are told.

With reproductive rights high on the voter’s agenda Trump picks a religious zealot, a bible thumper and proselytizer. Genius, pure genius. Pick someone uncompromising and offensive to everyone, especially suburban women. It is a first!  As the selection of J.D. Vance did not bring Donald Trump one single additional vote. Can Donald Trump recover or is this just more dead weight to be dragged around until the final judgment day in November?

Can Donald get his groove back? Can the con man lure the suckers back into believing one more time? It’s Jim Baker and the NEW PTL Club! Who knows, but for the time being, Trump has Elon sucking and paying the bills. It is just one of those things. You drive a tank in a silly hat or scream like a girl just one time, and it’s all over. Maybe telling them they are all in the Matrix will help do the trick?

History says; the ship is unlikely to right itself. [See: The Poseidon Adventure] In most campaigns, someone would be getting fired right about now but this is a case of the boss is never wrong about anything. Viewers questioned during the ill-fated XY interview if Donald Trump was slurring his words or speaking with a lisp? The Trump campaign responded immediately by insisting he’s not old! it was only shitty technology. Trump’s not old! I mean, Trump’s not slurring his words! Who said he had a lisp? This is all Elon’s fault!

Down South they call it snake bit. When just nothing but nothing ever seems to go right. It seems confusing but it’s really not. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. And Humpty Dumpty fell his ass off.