This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I survived! Check on your friends and elderly relatives as soon as possible! I’m about as political as they come, and I was begging for the debate to end. Deflector shields are up Captain! No matter what question was asked, Grand Master Gaffe from Ohio. Had an anecdote or a funny story about something else trying to deflect from the original question and eat up his time. I kept thinking “Artful Dodger.”

It was so very, very Richard Nixon. I’m so glad you asked me that question. My administration takes that question very seriously. That’s an important question we need to look into, next question. I think Tim Walz “Won” the debate but from the other side, it wasn’t a knockout. When it could have been a knockout, but opportunities were missed. Opportunities for a Lloyd Benson style “you’re no John Kennedy” moment. Born on third base and thinks he hit a triple! All hat, no cattle!

Without a knockout moment both sides will create their own spin and walk away making it nothing more than a photo op media event. In an attempt to pretend to sound serious the questions were delivered in the famous Soviet interrogation style. Where were you on the night of June 12^th? I’ll give you two minutes to explain, comrade. Go! Explain!

J.D. Vance was on the defensive from the jump. Obviously, and with good reason for trepidation. Trying to defend Donald Trump’s record for ninety minutes on national television. Gee, Sisyphus thought he had it rough when all he had to do was just push on a rock. Especially since our modern penitent was one of his bosses’ largest critics. How do you get picked as a running mate after calling your boss an “American Hitler?”

I despise Donald Trump and even I consider that a bit of a harsh criticism myself. Donald Trump never set up a concentration camp or persecuted a minority group. He wants to! But lacks the executive ability. So, what brings about J.D.s eleventh hour conversion to Donald Trumpism? Odd, don’t you think? Why would Donald Trump ask a harsh critic to become his running mate? Why would a critic completely invert his own principles’ beliefs and slovenly sign on to take up this Herculean labor?

So maybe this is J.D. shot at the big time! (Hi Mom! Look at me! I’m running for Vice-President!) What would the devil have to lay at your feet to make you suddenly do a 180 on your principles? Oh, I love Donald Trump. He has so many good ideas. Something tells me somebody has been down to the crossroads doing some soul trading round midnight. It is easy enough to understand. A shot at being the Vice-President of the United States or at the very least hosting your own show on Fox News. Become a darling of the lucrative rubber chicken circuit speechifying and mostly staying sober as a political has been.

But the math is so interesting. A 78-year-old overweight man with poor diet and anger control issues. You know; if you were a betting person the road between here and 82 could be treacherous. The path to the White House could be sudden enough to take the gamble. The boy from the backwoods suddenly becomes the Presydent!

Now let’s consider Donald Trump’s predicament. What exactly is Mr. Trump looking for in a Vice-President? What does he hope to find in Mr. Vance which was found to be lacking in Mike Pence? That’s the $64,000 question, isn’t it? What made Mr. Vance stand out from all the other applicants for the job? We’re there any other applicants for the job? Consider the secret protocols, If I give you this job you gotta promise me and burn this mass card in your hand. And someday, I may come and ask a favor of you!

You are wedded to the Godfather, and the track record for future employment is poor. Mike Pence got booed in his own home town in Indiana. In Ohio, that would be equal to throwing bricks and bottles. Mike’s career is in tatters and completely destroyed, but at least he’s not looking at any jail time. Many among the Trump alumni haven’t been so fortunate.

America’s Mayor and former Republican candidate for President, Rudy Giuliani is on the run and in hiding. They’re auctioning off Rudy’s worldly goods on the courthouse steps and Rudy was a no show at his latest court hearing. Just imagine, someday Rudy could be on Dog the Bounty Hunter. Former Attorney General Bill Bar is a non-entity. He will never be cited in legal textbooks except with “Don’t ever do this!” Mike Lindell has destroyed his business in the name of Donald Trump. All men used by Trump until used up and thrown away like a toothpaste tube. Not once, not twice, but every single time. So, what does J.D. see in his own future? Can Jimmy escape the Trump alumni trail of tears?   

There is devilment at work here. A Vice presidential candidate who deflected answers because he didn’t believe them himself. Asked if Mr. Trump lost the election, Mr. Vance couldn’t answer. He lost the debate right there. His lips said there were questions, but his face said, “leave me alone!”  The candidate can’t swallow his own story! And we’re even endorsed by Bobby Kennedy jr. and Tulsi Gabbard! It’s good J.D. included that political endorsement. I’m sold now. Thanks for sharing! Anything else? Tulsi Gabbard huh? Wow!

A young man willing to stake his entire political career on one roll of the dice. Hoping against hope, that the sword of mortality strikes in his favor. Why didn’t Mr. Trump choose someone more closely aligned with his principles? Considering Mike Pence, maybe no one else wanted the job on Mr. Trump’s terms.

“I felt a tremendous distance between myself and everything real.”
― Hunter S. Thompson