This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Really? I mean how can you explain it? How can you make repeated statements representing divine ignorance and yet, continue to succeed. Only in America! And unlike a lot of Republicans like J.D. Vance, who say this kind of crazy stuff, but really don’t mean it. Greene is the prime demographic and a true believer.

“Yes they can control the weather.”

“It’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.”

-Marge Trailer Park Greene

Make an outlandish claim with no proof offered. Then call people liars if they dare to disagree. If they can control the weather, they sure aren’t doing a very good job of it. It might be the case, that any manipulation could only make the situation worse in the long run like being God. But this is a Reich wing vulnerability, they search for the fantastical instead of the mundane. If a tree falls in the forest did someone push it over? If somebody drops dead from thirty years of hard living and a two pack a day habit, they were probably murdered.

Jeffery Epstein was murdered! Everybody was murdered! Hillary Clinton is a stone-cold killer, until it’s like a Soap Opera. The good characters are oh so very good and the bad characters are oh so very (Boo! Hiss! Snidely Whiplash) bad. Secret societies with strange rituals and handshakes, Pizza parties in the basement! “Hey, would you mind keeping the Satanic ritual noise down! We’re trying to hold little Johnny’s 10^th birthday party up here. All you can eat Baby! Ah, I mean, All the baby you can eat!

Sure, that makes perfect sense. What group of disparate college educated individuals raised largely in middle-class American homes. Don’t come together sometimes to blow off a little steam and enjoy the public consumption of human infants once in a while. Do they let anyone in, or do you need an invitation? You know, if that sort of information were to fall into the wrong hands there could be some serious complications. But no! It’s all covered up, hush, hush and no one will ever talk!

So, this weather controlling contraption. A little black box that fits on a coffee table or secret underground facility in Nevada or Alaska? Or in an abandoned nuclear missile site in Wyoming perhaps. Dr. X works with a secret team of top crack scientists or crack top scientists, developing weapons of mass meteorology.

Take that Beijing! No sun for you this week! Only clouds! Ha, ha, ha! Take that Havana! Hot enough for you yet?  Aw, no outdoor Friday prayers in Tehran again this week, it’s raining for the 6^th Friday in a row!

If there were a machine and the knowledge was so common Marge Greene knows about it. Why do hurricanes keep hitting Florida? You know, the insurance industry is just about ready to throw up their hands and just walk away from Florida. Just say, “fuck it” and leave. They are getting clobbered with a 50% chance of getting clobbered some worse. If Marge knows, wouldn’t the Florida Congressional lobby know as well? They would be screaming like a monkey on an electric fence for that machine.

If they couldn’t buy the machine or control the machine, they would certainly build their own. Dueling forecasts, either party cloudy with highs in the 80s or a deadly Category 5 Hurricane. Depending on who has the better weather machine and can gain the upper hand. It only illustrates their foolishness.

“God is sending America strong signs to tell us to repent. Earthquakes and eclipses and many more things to come. I pray that our country listens,”  – Marge.

What whoa! Wait a minute, I thought you said it was that dastardly weather making machine and now you’re telling me it’s all God’s doings? He’s sending us signals? Earthquakes and eclipses! What kind of damn stupid signals are those meant to be? What does God hope to accomplish with those obtuse signals? If the message isn’t getting through to us after thousands of years? I mean it gets dark in the middle of the day for about twenty minutes. How am I supposed to interpret that signal as a call to mend my evil ways?

God destroys San Francisco in an earthquake. What did we learn? How will deaths of innocents prompt you to follow the lord? When the Earth quakes on the just and the unjust, just alike and the eclipse’s shadow falls upon us all.

Marge isn’t a Christian but a pagan. She sees cloud messages and feels vibrations in the Earth. They are talking to her and giving her secret messages. “Oh, that’s what that earthquake means!

Scientists speculate they could build a time machine. It would require all the electricity from every power station on earth to then send you hurtling into the past or the future by about a minute and a half. My father worked on “clean” coal technology and accomplished it. The only drawback, it was three times more expensive than any other fuel on the market. Technical feasibility isn’t practical feasibility. And they built a perfectly functioning weather machine on the first try, right out of the box? Sure, of course they did.

What does a weather machine eat? Where do you wind it up or plug it in at? What does it run on? Baby hearts and Georgia Trump ballots? Is it Goober doing it or God? So, let’s suppose that the eclipse hit me right between the eyes like a thunderbolt. And I heard God’s message and mended all my evil ways. I became saintly and benevolent, hypothetically speaking of course, and then the damn earthquake hit! What am I to think now?

What is it you want of me now God? Build a boat maybe? Gather up animals? Murder my son perhaps? Take a walking tour of Egypt? I’m listening.

“Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.” – Huck Finn

“(S)He was a windbag. (S)He made a great many orations, and I imagine (s)he did a very good job, but (s)he was still a windbag” ― Harry Truman