This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I used to be a king, he said. The world was full of opportunities for me like ripe plums. And then it was all gone, and the world grew dark. He was promised fifteen minutes of fame, and he barely got ten minutes. Such is the sad tale of Ron DeSantis. Erstwhile Republican Presidential candidate, Florida Governor, hack and future political has been.

Ron became known on the campaign trail for his little white boots and large petulant nature. The little man with the big temper. During the pandemic, when the Govment offered additional SNAP benefits to replace school lunches for families with children. Fifty million dollars was offered, and all the state had to do was to ask for it. Ron refused to ask for it because he doesn’t like big govment programs. He finds hungry children in Florida preferable to big govment programs. You gotta draw the line somewhere, it might as well be with the children. Forgetting of course, that money was eventually destined for the cash registers of Florida grocers, and they do like big govment programs which put money in their pocket.

Imagine the political calculations involved. On the one hand needy children on the other, greedy grocers. But NO! I’m gonna put my foot down! I don’t want any help from THEM! I don’t want any help from them Liberals up in WASHINGTON! Let the children eat NOTHING! That will teach em, you’ll think twice about being a hungry child in Florida, next time mister!

So now, petulant Ronnie has declined a phone call from Vice President Harris about Hurricane Relief. What a picture! “It’s her!” Don’t answer it! “What if it’s important?” She’ll call back. Will you answer it then? “No! Of course not. If I answer that phone, I will be helping THEM! They will get a positive political spin and will be seen as caring, concerned, and connected. Well, that’s not going to happen on my watch! I don’t care how many Floridians have to suffer. I’m not helping THEM!”

Said the Governor with another category five giant hurricane taking aim at his coastline. Even before they can finish clearing off the debris from the last hurricane. It’s almost like the Captain of the Titanic refusing help because he doesn’t want any help from THAT ship. He’s gambling with other people’s money. Did I mention Ronnie cut the state budget for storm clean-up? He’s a good little conservative! (And was running for President)

“Ask not what your country can do for you.” Because the answer is nothing. Nothing at all!

The fates were cruel to him, and Ron’s lack of a human personality definitely became a political liability on the campaign trail. Donald Trump quickly picked up on wooden Ronnie’s shortcomings and eviscerated him. Saying, Ronnie had the personality of reheated tofu. Mr. DeSantis was Trump’s closest competitor but was never really any competition at all. He was a barometer of Republican discontent. Mr. DeSantis is now term limited out of the governor’s office, and his political hopes were dashed. Who’s that on the phone? Could it be Fox News?

Florida is at the crossroads of an existential crisis. The numbers just don’t work anymore. You can’t charge enough for property insurance to replace everyone’s hardwood floors, sheetrock or roofs every five years. The state insurance fund, the insurer of last resort is nearing collapse. But Ronnie doesn’t believe in climate change, and you could lose your state job in Florida, if you say you do. You can’t even talk about it. “Another hurricane is coming because of well, you know. That thing we aren’t allowed to talk about, you know, IT!”

And if Hurricane Milton hits Tampa, what then? A Governor hostile to the Federal government willing to use needy children or the suffering of the citizens of Florida to make his conservative point. Milton is a large, super storm with winds of 180 miles an hour, now!

The highways are already jammed with future refugee’s making the trek north. That couldn’t hurt productivity or state coffers, could it? I can’t imagine saving my pennies for the day I have to flee for my life. Abandoning my home and my job and not knowing if I will ever see either one again. But at least, you’d have the comfort of knowing your state government is non cooperative with Federal officials in the name of political posturing. He’s fighting govment aid in MY name!

The ludicrous idea that picking up the phone and talking to the Vice President is some sort of betrayal of Conservative principles. That the Harris-Walz campaign will get such a huge boost from talking to Ron DeSantis that it shouldn’t be risked. If Ron talked to her on the phone! Maybe we should vote for her!

Ron is a bully who tries to get his way through intimidation. He doesn’t like situations where he’s not in control. Ron doesn’t like bosses telling him what to do. If it comes down to a question of shutting down the economy during a pandemic or killing a few people needlessly. Well, people still need their hamburgers, don’t they? Commerce before corpses! That’s what I always say. Never let a few dead bodies stand in the way of you making your quota this month.

But word on the street says Kamala Harris is polling within two points of Donald Trump in his nativist Florida. How will not taking a phone call help Mr. Trump in that race? “Ha, I showed them! They wanted to talk hurricane relief! But the jokes on them! I won’t pick up! Nanny, nanny boo, boo, I won’t talk to you! Take that!”

“And they have suffered alike in these misfortunes. I wonder how many times you have to be hit on the head before you find out who’s hitting you? It’s about time that the people of America realized what the Republicans have been doing to them.” – Harry Truman