This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Just how deep is the well of stupidity? Is there a limit to how deep they can reach before Monty Python territory kicks in? “Do you know what I’m gonna do? I’ll tell you! I’m gonna call that goddamn TV weatherman with his loud ass sports coats and fancy store-bought haircut and give him a piece of my mind!”

The great unwashed have ingested one of those famous flat earther conspiracy theories. Big Govment has a mighty magic weather making machine and they won’t be dissuaded by facts or simple arithmetic. A gallon of water weighs 8 pounds, and a hurricane is made up of millions and millions of gallons of water. Let’s threaten the weatherman with death!

How much electricity, magic radar beams or Jewish space lasers would it take to move a hurricane 300 miles across and weighing millions of tons one degree in one hundred miles? Weather doesn’t happen in a vacuum. If you pull the blanket up to warm your chin your toes will get cold.

It’s like Mark Twain said, “It’s easier to fool someone than it is to convince them they’ve been fooled.” Suddenly, with a hurricane coming the local TV weatherman is considered an agent of the Deep State and hell bent on destruction. “It’s all his fault! They’s doing secret sciencey stuff in there, I just know it!” A lot of this nonsense goes back to Nicola Tesla. Tesla was a genius of the first rank, but not everything he said came to pass.

Back in the 1970s when oil prices started to soar, the rumor was there was a secret carburetor out there that got 300 miles to the gallon. And the oil companies bought it up to keep it from ever hitting the market. It’s all a plot by the secret lizard people, the Trilateralists, George Soros and Hillary Clinton to keep the little man down. What are the chances that “some guy” working in his backyard discovers some do hickey to increase your cars range tenfold? That’s a magic number tenfold, much better than a secret do hickey that only increased the range by an astounding 25%.

Remember, “here’s another clue for you all, the walrus is Paul!” Yes, Sir Paul McCartney died and was replaced by an exact body double, who went on to have a very successful musical career on his own. What luck! To find an exact body double for Sir Paul, with talent! Who not only looks like Paul but also sounds just like him too! What are the odds?

People want to be titillated and excited by magicy secret stuff. Ghost stories and things which go bump in the night. Who remembers Bill Clinton’s alien love child? I’ve tried to ignite them further by saying that little Gorp (Bill Jr.) attended Harvard on an affirmative action scholarship. This is just proof that they will believe anything. They could arrange for armed hunting parties looking for Santa on Christmas Eve. “Remember, don’t shoot unless you’re sure it’s him! We don’t want a repeat of the tragic traffic copter incident!”

A deep dark secret reason is preferable to any simple logical explanation. There’s no global climate change! It’s the god damned TV weathermen and low-down sneaking scientists! They are all in on it! The big Govment spent billions and billions of secret dollars to build them a super-secret weather making machine! “For the purpose of?” To control the weather of course! “To aim at Florida? Take that Florida!” If there were a secret weather machine, why not aim the hurricane AWAY from Florida? But you know why, don’t you? Because they are just evil and up to no good!

Covid 19 was an escaped biological weapon. Probably the most inept and defective biological weapon ever devised. With some biological agents out there able to depopulate a square mile in less than an hour. Covid 19 could kill up to 5% of the population after just six weeks! But doesn’t a secret evil conspiracy sound just delicious? Nobody knows about it but a select few, including you and I. Pass it on! The mainstream media will never tell us the truth!

It is way more exciting than just a plain old-fashioned pandemic. It just couldn’t be a natural event! Some evil hand has to be behind all of this!

Trained by repeated implication. According to the Reich wing media, Hillary Clinton is a serial killer. Michelle Obama is actually a man. Joe Biden is personally responsible for every word emanating from his son Hunter’s mouth. The January 6^th insurrection was actually a plot brought about by Nancy Pelosi and the CIA! And you fell for it!

I remember growing up, how my mother loved her Soap Operas. General Hospital, As the World Turns, with lots and lots of juicy, juicy salacious gossip. Affairs and treachery Monday thru Friday! Today the soaps are gone, and they get their gossip from Fox News and the internet great beyond. It’s true! It just must be true! Margaret Traitor Greene just said so!

A completely alternative universe forced to a head by Trump’s big lie, challenging reality, servility and the temple Syrinx. A Jim Jones moment of who do you really believe? If you believe Donald Trump and his fantasy of the stolen election and the elections are all fixed anyway. Why should Republicans bother to vote? They have apparently fantasied themselves right out the front door.

You know if they would just rake those national forests. Those Jewish space lasers wouldn’t be near as effective. I think the funniest part of humanity is its belief in its own intelligence. You know, if your cows stop giving milk, it’s probably pixies in your barn or maybe your neighbor cast a spell on you. Put the hex on you! The evil eye, bad juju! “She’s a witch!” How do you know she’s a witch? “She turned me into a newt!”

If you put a Sheilanagig over the church door or bury it in the wall. It will keep the haints and evil spirits out. I don’t like the look of that moon. It looks like she’s angry and looking for trouble!

The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right. – Mark Twain