This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

The whole situation reminds me of H.G. Wells’ War of the Worlds. A rogue orange alien force attempts to take over our world. It seems all of our best weapons are powerless against the invader’s assault. Then a sniffle, hack, a guttural cough, and the little orange alien falls out of his spaceship.

It seemed for the longest time; Donald Trump was immune from criticism, logic or even common sense. These foibles we all see were invisible to his minions. Mr. Trump could do or say just about anything, and the simian followers would simply shimmy and ape along. Causing widespread consternation among the intellectually viable. Saying and doing things which would destroy any other politician. And yet, his popularity remained undented.

But now a germ appears on the horizon, inescapable and unavoidable. That fatal flaw in the Death Star, enter sandman. Mr. Trump is dumping interviews (sniff, sniff) and complaining of being tired. It’s just too much for an old man, isn’t it? Don’t doze off, the cameras are still rolling. A whole new avenue of approach on the situation. They might not understand the politics, but they know a wheezing old man when they see one. (Cough, cough)

If you’re of voting age, you’ve probably lived long enough to see the decline of an elderly relative. You still love them, but you just don’t want them to have the nuclear codes or forget to turn off the stove. Plus, it would be difficult even for the truest Trumper or purchased J.D. Vance to deny Mr. Trump has lost a step or two. He’s not the same old Donald he once was four years ago. (Achoo!)

Enter Sandman, Dozing Donald says more than all the TV pundits combined. He is succumbing to natural forces at play in the universe. No matter how much you want to stay, Mother Nature and Father Time are conspiring to push you towards the exits. You can dye your thinning hair and wear a four-foot-long necktie to hide your mountainous silhouette . But you can’t stop being 78 years old! You can try hiding it all you want, but it will leak out eventually like snot from a dead alien.

It’s no longer a political argument and has become a time argument. You might still love Donald Trump and think wonderful things about him. But you can’t deny he’s getting a little long in the tooth. And acts a lot like grandpa did right before he tried to put your hamsters in the freezer.

The mind is a funny thing; my ex’s elderly Grandmother had nine packages of garlic salt in her kitchen. She remembered she liked garlic salt. But if she couldn’t find it, she remembered to buy another package. And she kept on remembering until the garlic salt was unavoidable. She could remember to buy it but had no memory of buying it. No memory of bringing it home or taking it out the bag and putting it away in the cupboard. I must remember to buy more garlic salt!

Sooner or later, we all end up at Freddy Krueger’s house for a little shut eye. Stop trying to convince them Trump’s crazy. They don’t understand, they’re crazy too! Explain instead, he’s too old. He could leave the stove on in the White House or get flimflammed by some Internet scammer. He could get scammed into selling Alaska for an Amazon gift card. Or giving away sensitive data for a promised check from some Nigerian Prince or former deposed head of state.

The world is far too dangerous for a geriatric genital geezer without both oars in the water. Russia losing their Special Military Operation is important to more than just Europe. Why does North Korea want to help Russia outside of primitive barbaric greed?

Russia is the kingpin. Russia supports Iran and Hamas, the Houthis and North Korea. A humbled Russia leaves them where exactly? The big player among the wannabes gets socked in the mouth.  It leaves a dangerous vacuum of instability in the world. Too unstable to be trusted to a geriatric man guilty of involuntary slumber.

What will a world without a viable Russian state look like? Just like the tanks and the soldiers, Russia is down to its last 40 billion dollars. Then what? This could be a mess of epic proportions. Not just Russia’s nuclear weapons but its civilian nuclear reactors and its aging population. Oligarchs don’t need old people. If you can’t mine coal or drive a truck, beat it!

First, we watched the fall of the Soviet Union. Now, we witness the fall of the Russian empire and the final dissolution of the home office. The world hasn’t witnessed anything like this since the end of World War Two. It’s certainly no place for an old man with sleep issues. (Sniffle, cough)

Ronald Reagan famously fell asleep while meeting with the Pope. But Ronnie had jet lag and who doesn’t fall asleep when the priest gets to yammering at you sometimes? But Donnie falls asleep because he’s tired and it’s already been a long day by two o’clock.

Everybody seems to think I’m lazy
I don’t mind, I think they’re crazy
Runnin’ everywhere at such a speed
‘Til they find there’s no need (there’s no need)

Please, don’t spoil my day
I’m miles away
And after all
I’m only sleeping

Keepin’ an eye on the world going by my window
Takin’ my time

Lyin’ there and staring at the ceiling
Waiting for a sleepy feeling

Please, don’t spoil my day
I’m miles away
And after all
I’m only sleeping

-Lennon & McCartney

The new Trump campaign theme song, I’m Only Sleeping.