This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I don’t know about you but for a political junkie this is the hardest time. Most of the media’s interest is solely focused on the horse race, with polls and polls galore. Someone’s random opinion but too easy to be manipulated. We polled 1,000 likely voters at exclusive Country Clubs across America. Or we interviewed 1,000 likely voters at the local Walmart .

But god bless his pointed little head. You just can’t shut him up no matter how you try. In the latest Trump rally stunt the big orange palooka stands there silently like a living statue so the over-stimulated simian crowd can gawk and drool some. But the trouble starts as soon as the silence is broken.

Boy, “Garbage Island” seems like so long ago, doesn’t it? Eons ago! Actually, three gaffes ago. First came Garbage Island and then came Liz Cheney facing a firing squad and now? The Meltdown in Milwaukee! Suffering through a bad microphone or malfunctioning public address system. Donald Trump plays Lonesome Rhoades in: The day Lonesome forgot he was on the air.

“I think this mic stinks, by the way. And then we don’t pay the contractor. I say don’t pay the contractor, then they write a story, ‘Trump doesn’t pay his bills, he’s a bad guy,’”

Poor, poor Donny, everybody is always picking on him and making him out to be the bad guy. I’m no expert on Milwaukee, but I’d wager there was another microphone somewhere in the building. A good campaign staff would have that handy, just in case. If I were a faux billionaire, I might even go out and buy my own microphone… a real good one. Or you could just get mad and vent your spleen over your campaign travails and shortcomings.

“I get so angry. I’m up here seething. I’m seething. I’m working my ass off with this stupid mic. I’m blowing out my left arm, now I’m going to blow out my right arm, and I’m blowing out my damn throat too, because these stupid people. I’ll make you a deal. Pretend you’re listening to it perfectly and I’ll come back and do another one, OK?” Then slamming the microphone against the podium.

Pardon me? Gosh, I sure am glad I’m not rich and successful. It sounds like a lot of hard work. Donny is working so hard and blowing out his body parts.  All “Because these stupid people” Exist on my world, despite my wishes to the contrary. Kim Sum Trump, if this were North Korea buddy. You wouldn’t’ see another microphone until you got out of reeducation camp in about a decade or so.

In his weariness and melancholy, Donald inadvertently tells the truth about himself. He would shoot Liz Cheney and he would fix the broken microphone guy’s little red wagon too! Donald is tired, threadbare, and worn out and he’s had it up to here with all these stupid people.

There is a story out that internal polling is making Trump staffers shit themselves. 100,000 New voters in Pennsylvania dominated by young women. A 10% Gender gap and then there is the Puerto Rican issue for Trump to deal with. Donny tried riding in a garbage truck to make a big joke out of the affair. I wonder if that will work? Can Puerto Ricans reach past a direct slap in the face augmented with a hilarious garbage truck stunt? Do Puerto Ricans have a keen wit and generous sense of humor?

A record turn out for early voting means good things for Democrats. High profile looney tune Republicans like Ted Cruz and Lauren Boebert find themselves in tight races. Then, there are the mini gaffes, the “Lonely cat ladies” and the “Nasty” remarks. Delivered with anger and pique. Showing the frustration of doing the same things as last time, but not getting the same results.

The trends are all looking good for Kamala Harris. Here in Arizona, Republican candidates for office eschew using the title of Republican. They’re bi-partisan and they just want to reach across that aisle and hug and hug and hug! Only Kari Lake even mentions Donald Trump and it’s sad in its own right. Kari was a true cult believer and then something went wrong, and Mr. Trump distanced himself from Ms. Lake. So now comes a Kari Lake commercial with a special spliced up message from the former President.” I – think – Kari Lake is – Great – very – strong!” She is trailing badly, but Kari Lake is a special case.

Ms. Lake is genetically predisposed to never ever smile. Not even occasionally, even if someone cracks a good joke or slips on a banana peel. Nope never! Stern, sharp tongued and hyperbolic. Ms. Lake wisely told a room full of Arizona Republicans. If they were John McCain Republicans, they should “Get the hell out!” And they did, with around 40,000 Republicans crossing over to vote for a Democrat.

Ms. Lake is like a mini-Trump and Arizona is a big blue dot and surrounded by a red everywhere else. If the pissed off and angry schtick was gonna work, it should work here.  But Ms. Lake’s candidacy does little to endear Republicans. If they feel uneasy about the Presidential candidate and the Senate candidate too, well maybe, they’ll just stay home.

Did you know Newt Gingrich was still alive? He is, sort of, and just in time for Halloween too. He’s outraged, as usual. A third-Party ad shows a woman voting differently from her husband and lying about it. Gingrich calls it “immoral.” I myself find it rather shocking they would produce such an ad. Assuming voting age women aren’t smart enough to out smart their MAGA husbands and need to have it explained to them exactly how to go about doing it.

Come on, that’s child’s play. Hell, he still thinks she’s going to Yoga class twice a week when the community center burned down a year ago.

“Those morons out there? Shucks, I could take chicken fertilizer and sell it to them as caviar. I could make them eat dog food and think it was steak. Sure, I got ’em like this… You know what the public’s like? A cage of Guinea Pigs. Good Night you stupid idiots. Good Night, you miserable slobs. They’re a lot of trained seals. I toss them a dead fish and they’ll flap their flippers.” – Lonesome Rhoades