This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges! Underlings for the lifeform known as Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reached out to the unfortunate Health and Human Services Agency to get the lowdown on what goes on. They were sent away dejected and rebuffed. It seems the King and his transition team have failed to sign the proper documents and perform the proper…background checks.

Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges! He’s gonna be the boss here soon. You can’t investigate him! He’s the head of Health and Human Services! So, what! He lives in a van down by the river and kills small animals for fun. So? That shouldn’t disqualify you from running a government agency. That’s un-American!  

The problem being, while it’s accepted the monkeys will now run the asylum. Until the modern world officially ends, the paperwork still needs to be done. Even in the event of a nuclear attack library books are expected to be returned. So come January 20^th when the orange meteor officially strikes the earth and all rules of honest dealings and nonsense about fair play can be abolished. Let madness reign, but until then, we can’t let you in until the paperwork is completed.

Now, I ask you. What are the chances this paperwork and background checks will ever be completed? Or just sloughed off and ignored until the clock runs out. Maybe Congress will investigate why they fear background checks like Superman fears Kryptonite. Yeah right! I was just kidding anyway. We won’t investigate you, and you won’t investigate us, right? (giggle, snort)

But that means wooden Bobby won’t even know where the men’s room is located until January 20^th after noon. And that goes for every one of the King’s cabinet appointees. A cold start from behind the sticks. Where’s my office again?

But it is the arrogance of revolutionaries ready to tear up all the rules and shoot from the hip. They already know what they want to do! They want to tear up all the rules starting with the rule about background checks! That’s what Fascism is all about. Getting government out of their way! So, the King can do whatever he likes without being questioned or bothered by the disreputable peon class, like you!

So, what! I gave a no bid multimillion dollar contract to my brother-in-law. What’s it to you? Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges! Do you see the shade approaching? Have you noticed the shadows climbing the wall? It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there.

Joe Scarborough runs to Mar-a-Lactate to beg for his job from the King. Remember that old Simon & Garfunkel tune,  “The Sounds of Silence”? You’re going to hear a lot of that in the next four years and probably forever. “Oh, on the contrary. I find the King’s devil horns and forked tail very stylish. I love the smell of burnt sulfur! It was good that he did that horrible thing, it was real good he did that!”

You think I’m kidding, but I’m not! If you can…run.

The King’s campaign spelled out for you exactly what they intend on doing. No differently than Mein Kampf laid out the Fuhrer’s strategy. They plan to burn down the Library in Alexandria and replace it with a neoliberal Feudal society. Billionaires rule, crime is king, end of story. Money is power and pollution is your tough luck.

These sorts of societal aberrations take on a life and enthusiasm all their own. Auschwitz didn’t start out as a giant camp. It started small with just a few priests, pacifists and political prisoners. Then they added Jehovah’s Witnesses, Gay’s  and Gypsies. It wasn’t until later they added the Jews. But it can’t happen here, right?

We have safeguards, right? Who told you that? The King won’t say who is funding his transition. “None of your goddamn business!  That’s who! Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges! We don’t need to tell you shit Gomer! Get back to your hovel chump, before I run you in!”

This is not hyperbole. I spent over twenty years studying Fascism and the Holocaust. This is exactly how it begins. The King plans to discharge all the transgender soldiers. Do you think he will just let them go home or will they be incarcerated? Maybe the landlord throws them out not wanting any trouble with the government. Maybe the landlord shuts down the Gay nightclub for the same reason. Do you think anyone will defend you because they won’t.

The pages of history are resplendent with what happens next.

Joe Scarborough did you a big favor. He exposed these people for who they actually are. Primped and pampered little limo riding dressed up primates. With two hundred dollars haircuts and moussed styling and five-thousand-dollar Italian suits. To quote the Firesign Theater: “Real stories of honest working people as told by rich, Hollywood stars!” They see the world through the back window of a limousine with interns fetching their coffee and kissing their ass. Who do they represent? Not you!

“Yes, sir boss! If you say, shut up. We is shutting up!

The King has plans to deport millions. Gee, where have I heard of a plan like that before? The King wants to put the homeless in CAMPS! CAMPS people CAMPS! This is the King’s Administration. Are they likely to follow any rules of humanity?

Why can’t they put you into one of these camps? What makes you so special? Maybe you could call someone, but they took your phone. When you asked to make a phone call, they hit you. When you told them you wanted a lawyer, they only laughed and said, “I bet you know your rights too!”

Run.

“… What about the main thing in life, all its riddles? If you want, I’ll spell it out for you right now. Do not pursue what is illusionary -property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade, and is confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life -don’t be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn for happiness; it is, after all, all the same: the bitter doesn’t last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing. It is enough if you don’t freeze in the cold and if thirst and hunger don’t claw at your insides. If your back isn’t broken, if your feet can walk, if both arms can bend, if both eyes can see, if both ears hear, then whom should you envy? And why? Our envy of others devours us most of all. Rub your eyes and purify your heart -and prize above all else in the world those who love you and who wish you well. Do not hurt them or scold them, and never part from any of them in anger; after all, you simply do not know: it may be your last act before your arrest, and that will be how you are imprinted on their memory.” ― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn