This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

I think it is funny as hell. An apt ending to a never-ending comic criminal saga. Hunter Biden’s greatest crime was being his father’s son. Everyone associated with the criminal justice system says anyone else would have been fined and sent home. So, Joe Biden steps aside. America loses its mind and chooses to live inside the next Halloween movie. For the next four years it will be, “Trump II Electric Boogaloo.”

Stay away from the “brown” acid, but it’s your trip man! Joe is leaving office, so there’s no longer a need to continue with this sham prosecution. Trump got away with the worst crimes in American history and the public made him their king! So, Joe says, you know what? Fuck you people! Me and my boy are going home. Guess what Hunter got for Christmas? If Joe hadn’t been President, Hunter never would have ended up in this predicament anyway.

He lied on a government form about using drugs to purchase a handgun. Come on, have you ever used illegal drugs? Including that time in high school? I guess, only the most hardened of criminals would ever do something like that. To flat out lie to an official government piece of paper! With a government printing office number on it and everything. Stored in a huge computer bank somewhere at FBI headquarters forever!

Admit you smoked weed on spring break down in Panama City in 2008. And “no” gun for you ever! We’ve all seen the scary films and got the DARE tee shirt. So, we all know the importance and seriousness of drug abuse. Making it doubly important to always lie on government forms. It’s my right as an American (or was) and until they include “none of your damn business” on the form, I’ll lie.

Maybe try to be a little more specific. What recreational drugs appealed to you? I mean, this is America, we can’t just give a gun to everybody. We have to draw a line somewhere, right? Geez, what would this country be like if every crazy mother fucker on the street had a gun? Even liars with guns! Scoff laws loaded for bear!

This country elects a convicted felon, fraudster and fixer. But the outgoing President needs to pardon his son for lying on a government form. Nothing wrong here. It makes perfect sense to me.  Matt Gaetz for Attorney General and Pete Hegseth for Defense. Never mind what Pete’s mom says about him. What do mothers know about their sons anyway? I wanna see Pete’s tats. I’ve seen images, but are they real? If they are, Pete has a problem. Only Pete can dispel those rumors. Lie on a form versus sleep with a minor or a neo nazi for the Defense Department?

The Canadian Prime Minister visited the Summer mausoleum at Mar- a -Dulcolax because convicted felons aren’t allowed inside Canada. Not that the king is going to haul himself anywhere. He might visit the White Palace in Washington from time to time. But the King likes it better at home. Everyone should bring your best lips down to Florida and pucker up. You see, at the Summer mausoleum there are less concerned citizens listening all the time. Less chance someone will hear something they shouldn’t. A kind of a security protocol against security protocols.

We’ve come a long way since Richard Nixon, haven’t we? Nixon actually wanted things recorded. Nixon would never try and wipe the security tapes. Oh wait, yes, he would. But it illustrates the woods we are hunting in. The criminal activities of Richard Nixon are the only apt comparison to the King. And we ain’t seen nothing yet and probably never will.

It is a lot like the film “Brazil” Police arrest the wrong man who dies from a heart attack. There was nothing in Buttle’s file to warn us about Tuttle’s heart condition. “Yes! Stop that man! He lied on a government form!” A complete dysfunctional dystopia! Dots aren’t the ice cream of the future; Fascism is!

A government of you take care of it, I don’t want to know. A government of the billionaire and by and for the billionaire. Twenty-first Century Feudalism living on a planet owned entirely by other people you’ll never know and didn’t elect. You live as an accoutrement to their Real Estate holdings, like a serf. Jon Frederson was shocked to discover the heart machine pumping down below. You either live upstairs in the new tower of Babel or you take the elevator downstairs, after your shift and don’t forget to clock out.

And now a word from network television:

“Happy talkin’, talkin’, happy talk
Talk about things you’d like to do
You’ve got to have a dream
If you don’t have a dream
How you gonna have a dream come true.

Talk about the moon floating in the sky
Looking like a lily on a lake
Talk about the bird learning how to fly
Making all the music he can make.”

Why talk bad about the King all the time? Why not talk about good things for a change? A new oil pipeline or wearing shorts at Christmas. A billionaire drowned when his yacht flipped over, it was terrible. He had so much to live for. Celebrities say, ‘Blah, blah, blah!” Sandy only says, “Arf!”

There’s a really great picture playing down at the Bijou. It’s a remake of a sequel originally made during the 1940s as movie serial for children. But with enough computer-generated graphics, explosions, tits and ass you can sell almost anything over the holidays.

And now a message from your betters:

You are feeling very sleepy, sleepy, sleepy! You hear nothing and see nothing. Knowledge is bad! Repeat after me. “Knowledge only makes my head hurt.” You want to bet on sports, don’t you? Sure, check up on your fantasy football league. If that were you in the real world, you’d be important! Isn’t that right Mildred? Mrs. Montag, isn’t that correct?

“But you can’t make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. It can’t last.”
― Ray Bradbury