This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Sure, the King’s plan now comes into sharp focus. The second choice proves the first. Good time Charlie, aka, Pete Hegseth might be nearing the door. I’m hesitant to call him a playboy as playboys have sex consensually without the use of cash or coercion. A lush maybe, but that term is so antiquated and out of date. A nice softball middle-class term for a lovable drunk. Why oh why, would you ever pick someone like that for such an important job? Like the King, Hitler was a teetotaler who didn’t like drinking or drunks around, unless useful.

Take, for example; it’s five o’clock somewhere, Rudy Giuliani. Sure, you could end up at the wrong Four Seasons by not drinking. But now Rudy is being stripped naked and beaten in the public square like Quasimodo. Where is his friend the King now? This was his personal attorney and his little drunken buddy, his pal. His pal losing everything for supporting the King.

So now…Hegseth may be history. Sunk by the slings and arrows of his own outrageous reality. Twelve pack Pete was picked for a reason. But what insane reason couldn’t be determined until the second choice came along and gave us another point on the timeline to indicate the intent.

Now, imagine you were a Master electrician or carpenter. A computer programmer at the top of your field. Then the boss hires his nephew with two semesters of trade school and an online course under his belt to be in charge. You’d feel insulted, wouldn’t you? Exactly! Exactly the message is the King trying to send. This is what I think of you guys!

It is not uncommon in the diplomatic world to send an unpopular diplomat to be a polite irritant. Like the way George Bush sent April Glasby to Saddam Hussein. It was a spit your eye how do like them apples insult. So, the King is saying don’t call us, we’ll call you. Having that pissing contest right off! Talk to Drunky! Tell him all your little problems, and we’ll be in touch.

How do I know?

The second choice proves the first. The King’s alleged second choice is alleged to be…drum roll please. Death ray Ron DeSantis. Born with a rare condition known as hateyourass (Unpopulouras persona) where the subjects show no outward signs of a personality. Ron came to immediate consideration when it was discovered every other Republican candidate pretending to run against the King had already received their complimentary plum job.

The DeSantis case is different. The two really don’t like each other. Ron took it personal being the King’s foil and fool on the campaign trail. But the world is the world, isn’t it? And Ron’s looking at unemployment and the King might have a big, big job for him. Ron’s job, should he choose to accept it. Would be acting like the wet end of a toilet plunger and ramroding through all of the King’s insane shit. Remember? The King didn’t like electric catapults. “What does the Navy know about Aircraft Carriers? I was watching the History channel the other night and they said…”

With the choice of Party time Pete, the King was near certain Pete would be despised by the trained professionals over at the Pentagon. But Ron DeSantis? The leader of the campaign to make Mickey Mouse stop acting Gay? First the mouse, then world terrorism! Oh, they will hate him for sure. Sure, as a duck is wet on the bottom. Maybe I’m reading it wrong. During his second year in Law School in 2004. Ron was commissioned as an officer in the Navy. (a gentleman by act of Congress)

Where he worked in the Judge Advocate General’s office and took some classes for one whole year! Sound’s qualified to me! I mean a whole year. Twelve months! With classes! Oh yeah, they’ll hate him for sure. But the King is sending his greetings. “Greetings you bastards! I’ve got my eye on you and don’t you forget it! I haven’t forgotten last time. When you tried to get me impeached.”

You guys wait outside; we’ll call you when we need you. The King has the Congress and the courts neatly in his back pocket. No one can argue with the King now except? Instead of an Administration working with the Pentagon, they take an adversarial position on day one. Creating Elonstien the mindless droid as a threat pointed directly at their heart! Sending them the King’s intermediary. A man not qualified to be the intermediary’s assistant, coming with the King’s message of “Fuck you! And when I say jump, you say, how high?” Kept at arm’s reach, what they don’t know can’t hurt us. Send em that twit from Tallahassee! That’ll really piss them off!

But an Administration at war with its own departments can’t end well. Let’s get rid of government redundancy and waste by creating a whole New government Department to investigate redundancy and waste! Let’s put some unqualified inexperienced experts in charge of it. Let’s find some Generals who know how to do as they are told for a change. I’d wager you’ve never hoped for a military coup before.

“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.” ― Niccolò Machiavelli