This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

As Elon Musk moves on towards eventual true Bond Villain status it boggles the mind. How does he intend to stay in business? He may be the richest man in the world for now, but not for long. Someday soon, you could get beat up or cussed out in a grocery store parking lot for driving a Tesla. Someday soon on the Home Shopping Network. “Only twelve easy payments of $99.95 and you could own a brand-new Tesla!”

People in business get a reputation and suppliers price accordingly. Maybe he does have a lot of money. But he’s the kind of guy who could stick you with 20,000 door handles. He runs his big mouth and runs sales into the ground, but you get stuck with the door handles. Your only mistake was doing business with him in the first place. Oh, It’s not Twitter anymore, it’s X now. X as in Xtinguished. And now, the all-new Electric Edsel.

So you’re sitting back in your rocket scientist office, and you ask yourself. Do I really want to do business with that guy? He’s goofy and nutty, and we’re talking about millions of dollars here. If I do business with that goofy bastard, it hurts MY reputation. People will begin to think perhaps I’m a goofy bastard as well! And if something goes wrong… it’s my reputation. Elon might tank that company and not get my satellite launched on time. Lay down with fleas and wake up with dogs!

Me personally, I wouldn’t want my name associated with Elon’s. If my name was on the side of that rocket, with Elon’s, take my name off. Quick, before people think I’m associated with him. But it’s only logical that business gravitates away from negative publicity. Like Old Mother’s Hitler’s Apple Pies, I don’t want it around. I might never eat apple pie ever again! Or “Charlie Manson’s old Fashioned Ranch Dressing! Tell em Charlie sent you!”

But the contagion can’t be contained. No matter what electric vehicle you purchase people will still ask, “Is this one of that asshole’s cars? I don’t wanna get beat up in a parking lot or have people spit on me!” But after Tesla turns toxic and are available with any reasonable offer and a $20 proof of purchase coupon. It also depresses the entire electric vehicle market in the US directly and the world generally. Elon Musk could be the first man to create a market and then single handedly destroy a market all by himself. Imagine the Wright Brothers invented the airplane and then went on to destroy the future of air travel.

Apparently, there is no one in Elon’s life who is able to reign him in and whisper, “You’re fucking up” in his ear. How sad is that? To have all that money and nothing to ground you. A kid running loose in Toys R Us with a Gold card. Without any sense of couth or responsibility. The King has an excuse; he’s nuts. Elon is just aping along imitating the head chimp. Money see, money do. Elon’s been exposed to the wrong crowd and there is no one around to set him straight.

It has all the earmarks of a Greek tragedy. The guy who makes a big splash and climbs to the top of the rock only to have his wings melt when he tries to fly. The first sign of impending doom is the falling value of the Tesla Truckasuarus. The four-wheel drive dumpster! CarMax says, get it away from here or at least park it around back! We don’t want it! It’s like a Tucker or DeLorean; you just know this is going to end badly. The cars, the ones not crushed, will end up in private collections and museums. “Hey look kids! A Tesla!” A what?

It’s astounding to me that after Elon becomes the second most hated man in America, where does he go from here? He has alienated not only working people but alienated people with hundred-million-dollar budgets to manage. People with bad attitudes and the money to do something about it.

Elon’s Tard ship continues to progress towards failure when not flying sideways or being detonated by ground control. We’s going to Mars to watch the robot machines work! Did you know you’d only weigh about fifty or sixty pounds on Mars. I wonder what that would do to a human cardiovascular system long term? Would we still have calcium bone loss, albeit at a slower rate? Only one way to find out, I guess. When you begin to look at the nuts and bolts. It’s waiting for a comet in our tracksuit and Adidas. Waiting for a bus that’s not coming.

We probably won’t ever colonize Mars because there is no money in it. There is no reason to do it except to say we did it! Living in caves and wearing spacesuits forever! It is a pipe dream!

Each Tard Ship loaded with paying passengers headed for Mars will require six other Tard ship flights just to fuel your Tard Ship up for the journey. So, either we launch the fuel first or we launch all seven ships at the same time. Sure, we can do that! Get comfortable in your seat and enjoy your complementary peanuts and in-flight movie. “The Triumph of the Will!” This could take a while.

We’ve all seen it. People hell bent on self-destruction with drugs or alcohol or money. Who lose all sense of themselves. Behaving badly and falling in with the wrong crowd. Who can’t see or understand how they are being used by these people. But Elon still thinks he’s the life of the Party.

Hypothetically speaking, one hundred people go into business with Donald Trump. How many do you suppose escape with their skins intact?  

“It ought to be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. Because the innovator has for enemies all those who have done well under the old conditions, and lukewarm defenders in those who may do well under the new. This coolness arises partly from fear of the opponents, who have the laws on their side, and partly from the incredulity of men, who do not readily believe in new things until they have had a long experience of them.”
― Niccolò Machiavelli