This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

How cold is it in Greenland? How transparent is the sky? JD Vance was sent to the North Pole to deliver a large lump of ice. A friendly visit from your New overlords! Good news everyone! You’re all going to be Americans soon. Denmark hasn’t done you right. Where are your gun stores? Where can a fella buy street drugs around here? Or hire a prostitute! Where are your shimmering cesspools of wasted youth?

Fortunately, JD is the man no one likes anyway and damaging his reputation at this point is impossible. The anti Will Rogers, “The man no one ever liked.” The polling shows that while JD only says and does a small fraction of newsworthy content. Yet, pound for pound and word for word the public hates JD even more than the King. Worldwide! Flowers die as he walks by and even his dog won’t come when he calls.

So plastic JD gives a North Korean style confession on camera. “My wife Usha and my son (who disappeared from the itinerary) were going to have so much fun in Greenland that I thought I’d tag along and ruin it for them.” So obviously forced and wooden. Patty Hearst in her glory days!

But let us not forget JD is a principal in the fuck up squad. And the squad has been dispatched to the four corners of the globe. As a punishment and a laxative. You can come home when the heats off and the King calms down some. In the meantime; you go welcome the Greenlanders to our American family.

The second lady of the United States was told the Greenlanders couldn’t stop them from attending the big sled race but… You’re not really welcome! You can come like anyone else in town. But if an angry mob forms or says mean things to you. You’re on your own. Okay, scratch the sled race. Why are we here again? Oh yeah, to meet and greet.

Secret service agents knocking on doors and asking a question most Greenlanders had never considered before. “How would you like a chance to host the Vice President and his wife for the weekend?” it is as surreal as the answer is obvious. “ General Custer is looking for a teepee for the night. Okay, scratch the friendly visit photo op. Why are we here again? Oh, yeah, to meet and greet.

Camera footage of the Vance’s deplaning at the airbase and greeted by half a dozen military personnel. Then whisked away to a hanger at the base to meet with more American service people. JD the former Marine himself is seen inside wearing his cover and eating with his cover on. Not just bad as a former Marine, but bad as a man whose momma never taught him to take his hat off in the house. Looking oafish among the troops unaware of a simple military protocol.

Vance warned the Greenlanders of dangerous Russia and China. But Greenlanders only see the Vance’s come to visit uninvited. In the world of diplomatic protocol foreign dignitaries don’t just show up for the weekend. So, for the Vance’s to BARGE in for the weekend is unprecedented. Even if it was someone, the Greenlanders actually liked and wanted to see!

Greenlanders hate the Idea. Americans by a large margin hate the idea of annexing Greenland. Republicans by a large margin hate the idea. It is a designated distraction and neo fascist wet dream. It’s the end of the world defensive plan to militarize and control the Arctic. Most Americans just don’t understand the importance of the Arctic in the grand end of the world strategy. With a shrinking polar ice cap Greenland becomes as important as the straits of Hormuz.

The King’s people should be commended for such forward thinking. Planning the next war among the environmentally degraded battlefields of the formerly frozen North. They don’t believe in climate change but invest millions planning to take advantage of it.

We can create a choke point and strangle world trade! Right up to our last day on Earth. Canada, Greenland and the Panama Canal. Foolishly clawing for the remnant wealth of the past. This Administration promotes oil despite peak oil having already passed. Russia is sanctioned out of the oil market. Iran is heavily sanctioned, yet there is plenty of oil for sale. And at less than the cost of American production too. Drill baby drill is broke baby broke.

Today the Administration sees rare earth minerals as the future. Funny thing about rare earth minerals, they aren’t really that rare. They’re environmentally filthy in processing. China leads the world in rare earth mineral production because they don’t care how many black toxic lakes of slime they create or thousands of people they poison. Plus, the Chinese keep the price nice and cheap to maintain their monopoly.

A sad cynical swan song fighting for the tailings at the end of the world. From the world’s policeman to the world’s gatekeeper and enforcer of taxes, tolls and tariffs. The King has pronounced a 25% tariffs on ANYONE who does business with Venezuela. The King holding power over those who never elected him. If the King has a problem with Venezuela let him go to congress with it. But it is a way to try and drive up the depressed price of oil.

In the neoliberal fascist dream they see the eventual collapse of civilized societies breaking down into haves and have nots. Some will rule and some will toil in the mines. Then, after the collapse. After all the useless eaters have died away. They can start again to build a brave new world of smart Capitalists and slick entrepreneurs. A world without Unions or environmental or safety regulations. If you wanted a hard hat, then buy one! That’s why I’m paying you three dollars a day!

“So, in the end, above ground you must have the Haves, pursuing pleasure and comfort and beauty, and below ground the Have-nots, the Workers getting continually adapted to the conditions of their labour. Once they were there, they would no doubt have to pay rent, and not a little of it, for the ventilation of their caverns; and if they refused, they would starve or be suffocated for arrears. Such of them as were so constituted as to be miserable and rebellious would die; and, in the end, the balance being permanent, the survivors would become as well adapted to the conditions of underground life, and as happy in their way, as the Upper-world people were to theirs.”
― H.G. Wells