This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

And what have we learned? In negotiating trade deals with the King, what tips and tricks have we gleaned recently? Stick to your guns and he’ll fold up like a cheap card table. The King’s vacillations indicate they don’t really know what they are doing. There is no plan in place for this eventuality. They’re not acting, they are reacting. What do we do now? Let’s try this! We didn’t know that would happen. We never dreamed…

The old adage says, you break it, and you’ve bought it. The King stormed Washington with an ideological blitzkrieg under his arm. They had it all planned out! Cut taxes for the rich, cut services for everyone else. Tell them it’s for their own good and better days are coming pilgrim, just hang on. They just don’t say for whom those better days are coming for. (Hint: Not you!)

Say world! Listen up, this involves you! Effective immediately the United States will operate on a tariff, Graft and tax the poor out of existence system. Get in line and pucker up! Kissing the King’s ass is the preferred protocol.

The King commences his Trade war with China. Tariffs 84%! No, 125%! No, 150% There! Shows you! Keep playing with me and watch what happens next! Then someone explained to the King about value added. If in China, you manufactured brightly colored Beach Balls which retail for $2.99 at better dollar stores everywhere. The Tariff on a year’s worth of Beach Ball production wouldn’t amount to a hill of beans. But if you put a 150% Tariff on computers, computer chips and cell phones? That’s a chunk of change mister! One boat load of those cell phones has the Tariff potential equivalent to the world’s entire eternal production of Beach Balls.

There is or should be a sense of panic in the palace. The King even acknowledged he didn’t want to start a depression. He wouldn’t have said that if someone wasn’t saying it to him, loudly. “You’re about to start a depression!” But time wounds all heels. The King knows from his last go round how a scandal can damage and dog an Administration all of its days. Russia! Russia! Russia! Could easily become, Economy! Economy! Economy!

It wasn’t supposed to work out like this; under the plan. Everything goes swimmingly and everyone is happy and there are no major problems with the plan. But it didn’t work out that way. The plan had a slight flaw. It destabilized the world economy in ways never dreamed possible before. And now, Pandora’s box has been opened. They needed a carve out to save face and still look tough. The King’s Administration can’t back down…again or again or even again!

So effective immediately, Tariffs in China are only for bulk products, minerals and stuff you find in the dollar store. Now, what are our Chinese adversaries to think of such behavior? Gee, he’s tough? Or too polite to laugh? What a wet nurse Nancy changing nappies on the big orange baby! Boo! Your bluff is effectively called.

No word yet from the People’s Republic on the King’s carve out/public humiliation and complete cave in. The Tariffs on American goods in China still remain in place. Farmers for Trump! China knows from book learning and study and stuff. Much of China’s imports from America involve food. Much of the King’s political support comes from Farm States. Boy, that’s smart!

From the files of everything always happens to them. It appears the head of Marko Polio’s (the little man with the big job) Security Team was arrested in Brussels, Belgium. The team after a long day of hard work securitizing the little man’s path wanted Whiskey! Innkeeper! Bring us rye whiskey till we puke! Advised by hotel staff at this late hour the hotel bar was closed. From there, a general sort of argument broke out with the hotel staff about whether the bar was closed or whether the damn bar was open! Police were called to decide the matter where the head of Marko Polio’s security team decided to take it to the next level with Brussels police. Turns out, the bar was closed after all! That’s called winning! That’s called making friends wherever you go!

RFK Jr. AKA Froggy, Code name, “Foggy” says, maybe Measles vaccines aren’t such a bad alternative to fruit loops, steroids and asthma inhalers after all. The Measles epidemic grows in the Southwest, and the plan is? Nothing! They have no idea of what to do now. The plan said it wouldn’t be like this. We can’t be held responsible for things not in the plan. Epidemics definitely weren’t in the plan. Froggy was supposed to convince low IQ Americans they didn’t really need a public health department after all. Phooey! Bad! Bad Health Department! They only hamper growth and strangle entrepreneurs trying to make a better life for us all. You’re not sick. You don’t look that sick to me.

Poor Richard Nixon tried buying a five-year supply of coffee and toilet paper for the military. Trying to bolster the economy before an election. Jimmy Carter was run out of town on a rail over the economy. Bush the elder lost to the man who famously said, “it’s the economy stupid!” But this group of butter fingered charlatans had a plan and juggled the Fabergé egg of our economy like it was meaningless and bullet proof. And could simply be bent or folded to fit the plan.

Now the world’s economy quakes! Now the US economic future is in doubt. The King declares ala Groucho Marx, “Those are my principles, but if you don’t like them. I have others.” The King stands tall in the saddle for Tariffs unless he’s told not to.

Like a Rube Goldberg machine if you start taking the economy apart you might be unable to get it back together again in a timely fashion. Especially, if you only think you know what you’re doing. Let’s try this! And if it doesn’t work, we’ll do just the opposite!

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” ― Sun Tzu