This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Monday: The King makes with the crazy talk about firing the Chairman of the Federal Reserve and the stock market dives 1,000 points. Tuesday: The King says; oh garsh, I would never do that! The markets breathe a sigh of relief. Another catastrophe averted! The markets soar on the “Great news!” UP 1,000 points. You can always tell a happy and healthy stock market by the wild mood swings and manic-depressive temperament.

But during Monday’s crash the King said. There was absolutely no truth to Bloomberg reports Marko Polio, the little man in the big job had plans to take a straight razor to the State Department. And I quote: “FAKE NEWS!” No truth to it at all. Where do you guys get this stuff? Tuesday: Markets soar on good news. White House announces, Marko Polio, the little man in the big job, will take a straight razor to the State Department.  Marshall Tucker asks, can’t you see?

Press Secretary and wicked witch of the North Kaolin Leavitt, Aka, Acid Barbie explains the judge is biased. And his wife gave money to Democrats. And 67% of all the court injunctions have come against the King! Proof! They are all prejudiced and out to get us! Ms. Leavitt perhaps speaks too much truth in tone and substance by mistake.

The King was asked about 86 proof Pete Hegseth and his latest Signal conversation flap. The King with his usual air of disdain asks. “Are you guys still talking about that?” Appearing at least, to have not heard about Signal leak II. The conversation where polluted Pete should have already known better. Did the King know and was only playing dumb or was this the genuine article?

Ms. Kaolin Spokes too much. Hinting these are the disloyal leakers inside the Pentagon they have been searching for. In the Administration’s eyes, this isn’t about a besotted big mouth who can’t keep his big trap shut. This is about “Leakers” out to get us. People in the Pentagon are workin agin us and we got to get rid of em. Before they get us.

The judges are out to get us! The Pentagon is out to get us too. We can’t trust those people at the State Department either…get rid of them! A free pass called “Paranoia.” Any wrongdoing they might be accused of is just an attempt by the leakers to get them! The King thinks Party Pete is doing a fine job! It really gives us a window into the Administration. When plans sometimes go astray it is because everyone is out to get us.

So, when JD Vance miscues in Greenland or forces himself on a dying Pope in the Vatican. These are just the stories of a vengeful press, out to get us. So, was the King really serious and about to fire the Chairman of the Federal Reserve? You can bet your life on it. Only the stock market’s violent reaction to the rumors prevented it from happening. Could it still happen? Yes.

The King demands his royal prerogative, and he will fire anyone he likes and dares you to do something about it. The King might not care what we think as a people, but he does care what Wall Street thinks. And fortunately for the King, Wall Street is cursed with short-term memory loss.

“How many times do you have to get hit over the head until you figure out who’s hitting you?” ― Harry S. Truman

Down 1,000 points on crazy talk. Oh, good news, he doesn’t mean it! Up 1,000 points. Oh great, the good times are back again! Only, they aren’t. Banks and institutions so often in the crosshairs during financial turmoil are giving themselves stress tests. The bankers, paid professional they are, are planning for an economic Nuclear Winter. The fear is real and fuels the wild market swings. The last days of Caligula or Nero’s fire sale.

But in the sepulcher of eternal optimism, they buy Tesla stock. Well sure, it’ll be okay! They’ve got some great new models coming out this fall. Let’s take Elon out of the equation. Something we’d all like to do. Tesla by facilities are quite small. But by Wall Street investment standards are large due to an overvalued stock because Tesla was once considered a market leader. It looked to be a dream come true like the next Model T Ford.

Then came the Cyber Junk er ah, truck. The windows were supposed to be bullet proof. But they weren’t bullet proof. It was a real gosh darn off road electric pickup truck. Only, don’t take it off road cause you could void your warranty. And remember to take all those plastic bits off. Replacement parts? What are those?

Tesla assumed the Cybertunk would be so popular, they made customers promise to not flip the truck to make money. Now, the value is falling like a ball of a table. A recall of Every Last Cybertunk ever made! To glue back on the body panels which are prone to suddenly detach themselves at speed. Remember that if ever behind one in traffic. But that’s unlikely to occur as most (near all) insurance companies will no longer insure the Cybertunk.

To save money and speed production, a clear coating on the stainless-steel body was omitted and now rusting begins. You could wrap your Cybertunk in a flashy body wrap at your own expense, but it stains the body panels. Can you imagine what this little boo, boo has done to Tesla’s reputation? Every last truck coming back to the shop for thousands of dollars in warranty work. The Edsel cost Ford Motor Company a billion in 1950s dollars. Can you only imagine what the Cybertunk will cost Tesla? Funny story, most manufacturers estimate warranties at 2 to 3% of production. Tesla missed that mark by 98%

How are those trade negotiations going? Let’s see Vietnam and who else? The King says, we can’t just give everybody a trial. In India, it was take your family to work day. As Shady Vance tries to woo (firmly in Russian camp) India to come on over to our side and then went to see the Taj Mahal for some sightseeing. Jim Bob! Mind your manners and turn your back to us when you pee.

Will the market swing wildly again, probably. Will the markets eventually stabilize and right themselves? Probably not.

“I began by telling the president that there was a cancer growing on the presidency and that if the cancer was not removed the president himself would be killed by it.”  – John Dean