This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Good news everyone! JD Vance says he hasn’t lost faith in party Pete Hegseth. I knew you’d be relieved. As the Sorcerer’s apprentice explains. The Left and the media have been out to get poor ole Pete from the get-go. Saying horrible things about his character and his competence. Calling him hurtful names, like a drunk and a screw up. And now, the cruelest cut of all; “I told you so.”

It isn’t so much party Pete played telephone  “Guess what I know” with his friends and relatives. It’s he did it again! And unless you live on Gilligan’s Island, you can’t keep doing that. It isn’t that he talks too much, it’s that he talks at all. Go into your office shut the door and run the Pentagon. Defense Secretaries should only be forward facing in time of war. What? What in the world was the Defense Secretary doing at the Easter egg roll?

Shady, JD, was off on a whirlwind Appalachian adventure. First dropping in on the Pope over Easter weekend. Sure! That’s a great idea! Then off to India, to explain why it would be in their best interest to do whatever we tell them to do. The Pope dies and War breaks out between India and Pakistan…coincidence? But the good news is he isn’t screwing up around HERE. And on the positive side of the ledger. Delivering the King’s message of pettiness and retribution can’t have been very easy.

Amateur hour, protected by a King who never admits to mistakes. Little men in big jobs for the first time. Living indoors and eating regular. Impressed with themselves, one talks while the other talks shit. Look at me! Would you believe it? I’m the Vice President! The hell we can’t! His holiness will be glad to see me! You don’t just pop by Buckingham Palace unannounced for coffee and Krispy Kreme with the King, ditto the Vatican. It shows a level of arrogance and hubris beyond uneducated norms.

I dunno, this may be this is off the subject. Have you ever seen someone slip with a big stack of dishes? How they try to catch themselves and lose the dishes, then catch the dishes and lose themselves. Making extraordinary moves trying to avert disaster and doing it too! And then, it all gets away from them and gravity takes over. Yesterday, the miracle grow stock markets were off, shooting upwards headed for the moon! The King had said something nice! They were all happy! Then, the Treasury Secretary mentions trade talk difficulties with China. The markets fall off on a single comment by the Treasury Secretary? That is FEAR!

A panic in pin head park! One of these days we will have a Monday where stocks crashed 1,000 points with no Tuesday, where the markets recovered. But let’s stick to good news. Tesla has discontinued giving guidance to its investors. Never you mind how many cars we sold last quarter! It was a lot! Never you mind how much the Cybertunk is going to cost us. None of your business. But Elon promises to stay home for a while and do no further damage.

The flavor of the Administration is becoming apparent. The orange Ogre and his electric horseman of the apocalypse. Lightning rods of attention seeking true spiritual incompetence. The orange Tasmanian Devil strikes Washington and strikes fear all across the nation. A recent phony poll found the King’s plans were only favored by 37% of the electorate. Are you kidding me? Where did they take this poll? Mar-a-Lago? I know, died in the wool, blood red, life-long Republicans screaming bloody murder and ready to follow Bernie Sanders into hell. But 37% percent you say! Sure, that seems reasonable.

Markets rising and falling daily with world affairs near boiling with wars both real and imagineded, but 37% of Americans think it’s all going along swimmingly? Full speed ahead?

Across the tube universe only euphemisms are allowed, like “tough times to analyze” and “possible difficulties on the road ahead.” So as not to anger the King, besides you can’t shout “Oh shit! We’re all ruined!” on financial channels. Fox Business maybe, but not any of the real channels. But it can’t go on much longer. As US markets Ping-Pong up and down world markets follow. And across the world from Perth to Portland, Prattville to Patagonia the world economy trembles with fear of what the orange King might do or say next. If at first you don’t succeed, threaten, threaten them again! Call all of your allies and trading partners thieves and cheats! Tell them if they don’t do exactly as we say, they’ll all be sorry.

But it is such a crazy strategy our allies and trading partners struggle to accept or understand. Believing they can’t really be serious. And knowing the King is no tougher than a roll of handiwipes in negotiations. And if they stick their guns, the King will fold like a pair of deuces.

In the house of Representin, there is a sudden trepidation over the King’s plans. A new coldness that comes over them with overflowing angry town halls and hemorrhaging stock portfolios. The Republicans were ready to follow the King anywhere, but now? They see it. You see it. I see it. But according to the phony poll 37% of Americans don’t see it. They think the King is right on track. Come on, you gotta be kidding me man.

Do you suppose world markets can continue to Ping-Pong indefinitely before gravity takes over?  

“And then I’d wanna go in town an’ kill folks. Cause what’d they take when they tractored the folks off the lan’. What’d they get so their margin of profit was safe? They got Pa dyin’ on the groun’, an’ Joe yellin his first breath, an’ me jerking like a Billy Goat under a bush in the night. What’d they get? God knows the land ain’t no good. Nobody been able to make a crop for years. But them sons-a-bitches at their desks, they jus’ chopped folks in tow for their margin a profit. They jus’ cut them in two. Places where folks live is them folks. The ain’t whole, out lonely on the road in a piled-up car. They ain’t alive no more. Them sons-a-bitches killed them. – John Steinbeck