This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you. Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christ miss! The director for the Port of Los Angeles says shipments are down by 35%. Shop today for best price and availability. Retailers say five weeks of inventory are available in the warehouses. Due to economic uncertainty the products which would have been produced in China, weren’t.

It’s sort of like the Field of Dreams, if you tariff it. They won’t build it. No one is dumb enough to produce hundreds of millions of dollars of consumer goods, If they aren’t certain they can sell them or at what price. Bargains, bargains, bargains! Look here! A laptop computer for Janey, regularly $799 your cost! Now an everyday low, low $1,150! A new cell phone for Bobby regularly, $999, your everyday low, low Trump price is now $1,450! Shop today, these crazy deals can’t last!

Team Corrupt has negotiated a tariff deal with China and passed the price increases on to you! Now from the how dumb do they really think we are department? If the orange dictator had just come out and said, “The tariffs will be 30%” There would have been rage and outrage, but if he said, 145% marked down to 30%, there is only joy and relief. Oh boy! Only a 30% price increase. Joy to the world! Our Savior! Now that we have that all settled, we can gear up the logistics train to have the warehouses and store shelves fully stocked in time for Christmas 2026!

Place your orders from China today with delivery set for August/September. Then wait in line for the long boat ride to Los Angeles with delivery in late October, early November. Then the containers are rushed to regional warehouses and in four to six weeks finally delivered to store shelves. Just in time for January or February. All just to pass the buck on to you. Good news everyone! A 30% price increase! Ho, ho, ho Tax cuts for the rich and the bill delivered to the stockings of working Americans. For some are very naughty and for others, real nice.

Damn you, Joe Biden! This must be all Joe’s fault because we all know it couldn’t be Team Corrupts fault. If a meteor fell from space or a snow storm in July, it must be Joe’s fault. Team Corrupt successfully negotiated a peace deal with the Houthis and the treaty has been so successful. As of today, the Houthis have only shot down one of our $30-million-dollar drones and only attacked Israel twice! Results which speak volumes!

Team Corrupt tells the Russians they had better show up for the peace talks or Team Corrupt will huff and puff and blow their house down. The Russians respond politely with, “and the horse you rode in on!” After three years of intense war, neither side can afford to budge an inch. The Russian economy or what’s left of it is dying. If Putin were to back down now, he would be gone faster than you can say “Trump is an idiot.”

Negotiations on a Nuclear deal with Iran are said not to be going that well. You know; Iran is just weeks away from building a nuclear bomb. (circa 1988) Iran is just weeks away from building a bomb (circa 1998) Iran is just weeks away from building a bomb (circa 2010) Iran is just weeks away from building a bomb (circa 2017). Iran is just weeks away… Either Iran isn’t building a bomb, or a Persian Donald Trump is in charge of their Nuclear program.

You know sometimes you can just threaten to have a nuclear program, without actually having one. [See: The fable of Saddam Hussein and the magic aluminum tubes] If Iran had no supposed Nuclear program would the sanctions be any different? No, they wouldn’t. This is orange Big Brother putting his thumb on the scales. There has been a proxy war going on for many years. Two swinging dicks, one region and winner take all. Iran or Saudi Arabia, and only one will win. Iran with a large population and lots of money. The Saudis with a small population and even more money. But the Saudis have orange friends eager for cash and Golf Tournaments.

Let the corruption games begin! The orange dictator, the Shah of Selfishness, visits the Saudis to pick up a check. The Qataris gave him a $400 million dollar 747 gratis. Now, it’s the Saudis turn to pony up! Maybe some more crooked Golf Tournaments, now that the PGA is the prostitution wing of the Saudi Government. [No Journalists murdered in seven years]  The Saudis are just plain folks. Murderous and corrupt, but just plain folks. Public Executions every Friday (Good seats still available!) Buy your tickets today at Thug Hub!

Now this “Free” 747 is thirteen years old (Think 2012 Winnebago) This ain’t a spring chicken; this is a second hand used car. This free 747 that will now have to be completely rebuilt at government expense. It shouldn’t cost the taxpayers more than say two or three hundred millions. Apparently, white elephants were out of stock. Give him our left-over airplane, he’s easily impressed.

The heirs of uselessness in the Republican corrupt caucus mumble among themselves. We don’t have a problem with killing millions of Americans to fill the pockets of the rich, but accepting a used jet is just a bridge too far. And they’ll go in front of the media and say so too. They aren’t afraid! The Dictator is out of the country and probably won’t hear about it. Then they’ll retreat back into their holes and shut their holes about it. Only pretending to be outraged, while jealously wishing they gotten a free airplane too.

It’s just the optics, Republicans plan to slash Medicaid just in time for Christmas, sentencing millions of Americans to a needless early death, while the King gets a free airplane from his fellow Dictators. Sort of an Employee of the Month Award.

“Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot
But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.

But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos” , – Dr. Suess

Write that down for future reference. You are hated and despised for your poverty. Merry Christmas! You Whos.