This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

He did! He didn’t! He might! He wanted too! The Administration has this all planned out…not! Donald Trump appears in a hallway, not in the oval office. To announce, it’s not war! Mr. Dithers stands in front of Vice President J.D Dense, Secretary of State, Marko Polio and Secretary of Defense, 86 proof Pete Hegseth to make the announcement that the United States is not going to war, just random bombings. I personally don’t remember a time when a President needed a team behind him to make such an announcement.

See? See? It wasn’t my idea alone to bomb Iran! These guys all agreed with me! See! Don’t blame me this was a group delusion! I was going to make the decision in two weeks! But that was all a part of our subterfuge to throw the Iranians off of their game. So, I said two weeks and then attacked Iran the very next day. Wow! How’s that for cleverness? They never saw it coming! We’ve been talking about doing it over a couple of weeks now. But then, just when they least expected it! Pow!

It was public knowledge the B-2 bombers were on the way. But we kept them guessing! Over 100 aircraft were used to deceive Iran. Because even though these plastic airplanes are supposedly invisible to radar. They might not be. Our great military flew halfway around the world! And with their giant super sophisticated, satellite guided bunker buster, super expensive bombs we completely annihilated those empty buildings! Boom! Pow! Woosh! Fire! Smoke!

Satellite photos showed lines of Iranian vehicles parked in front of those facilities ten days ago, moving things out. Now completely destroyed! Well, maybe not completely! But those empty building are no good to the Iranians now!

The Vice President and the Secretary of State and five o’clock somewhere all made the rounds of the purchased corporate media outlets to announce, this isn’t about Iranian regime change. Four hours later, Mr. Dithers proclaims. “MIGA! Make Iran Great Again!” With (drum roll please!) regime change! All planned out and written down on a note.

I watched and I waited, and watched and waited some more. What was the world’s reaction to our not war attack? Who? Do you mean those other 192 or so countries on the planet? Who cares what they think! USA! USA! USA! So, I began to dig through the Internet  and the results are in!  They’re all negative! The rest of the world just doesn’t understand how important it was to take out those empty buildings before they were used for something diabolical. The UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer said the US was justified to do it. But following the Tony Blair model, what else could he say? The rest of the world, Europe, Asia and the Middle East all called for de-escalation. Shocked and dismayed by the arbitrary US behavior.

Mr. Dithers best friend Vladimir Putin said Iran should be provided with nuclear weapons! Only they have no longer have the empty buildings to put them in. Mr. Dithers calls Iran the “Bully of the Middle East!” Talk about projection! Says the man who makes his war announcement flanked by his lieutenants. How much did this non act of war cost? Cough, cough, mumble shuffle. We can’t allow Iran to use those empty buildings to pursue any course the US and Israel don’t like!

In response, Iran the bully of the Middle East after being unilaterally bombed for over a week. Say they might just close the straits of Hormuz. Those diabolical bastards! We never thought they’d do that!  Mr. Dithers says “you better not! You’ll be sorry if you do!” Yet, just on that announcement alone. Two oil tankers made U turns and headed off in the other direction. Iran doesn’t need to physically close the straits. Oil tankers are really expensive and insurance companies are really hard to get along with. If the Iranians said the straits were closed. And you sent your oil tanker in there anyway? And now, you want to file a claim for damages? I think not!

Well? We still have the US Navy! We could escort those oil tankers through the straits. We’ve done it before. Even if it takes months and months or years! We could keep our Navy busy at incredible expense for as long as it takes! Meanwhile, we still have a list of other empty Iranian buildings we could target! While the US was busy trying to bomb the Houthis forward into the stone age. The US lost two F-35 fighter aircraft after the aircraft carriers were forced to make sudden evasive turns dodging incoming Houthis missiles. The fighter planes went into the drink at a cost of around $70 million dollars.  

Mr. Dithers will now huff and puff and blow your empty buildings down! We’re not at war! But you had better watch it! Or we will not at war with you some more! Republican Congressional jellyfish say they were informed ahead of time. While the Democratic jellyfish say they were not. Who can say for sure? Would a lawless authoritarian regime ever lie to the state-controlled media? A media that could go for 24 hrs. without ever mentioning world opinion.

Alerts have gone out to all embassies and to all Americans traveling overseas. They have been warned about potential terrorist threats. But not by Kristi Noem the head of The Department of Homeland Security. She’s gone missing after her drug over, I mean her allergic reaction. “Hello? Is this the Betty Ford allergic reaction center?”

You had better watch out Canada and Greenland or your next. We can if we like,  not war anywhere in the world. Because we don’t care how much this costs or how long this takes. We don’t even care what the world thinks about it. It’s like George Washington once said. “Billions for tax cuts for the rich but not a penny for tribute.” The Administration doesn’t care if they have to starve or kill every last crippled child in America or deny healthcare to every sick elderly senior. Iran must not be allowed to do anything we don’t want them to do . They’re the bully of the Middle East, you know! And the US stands ready to bomb them again and again! Just to remind Iran to stop being such a bully.

The United States stands at this time at the pinnacle of world power. It is a solemn moment for the American Democracy. For with primacy in power is also joined an awe-inspiring accountability to the future. If you look around you, you must feel not only the sense of duty done but also you must feel anxiety lest you fall below the level of achievement. – Winston Churchill