By David Glenn Cox
Score one for the home team! This Carbon-Based Life scooped the national media by five days. Reporting that the Iranians had moved their enriched Uranium from their underground facility. Now that doesn’t make me a prodigy or some sort of smart guy. And it isn’t really a point for me at all. As much as it’s a point against the national media. The story was out there! I saw it, I reported it. The national media saw it as well. But the powers that be simply chose not to report it! Who cares, huh? It was a swell bombing mission, wasn’t it?
Maybe they didn’t want to piss off Kim Don Trump or piss on the idiotic patriotic parade. They didn’t care to report Kim’s new destroyer went into the water on its side. It took, of all things, a Fox News reporter questioning 86 proof Pete Hegseth. My mother used to say she always knew when us kids were up to something, because we would get quiet. Pete is an overgrown adolescent with a drinking problem. Playing the part of a Defense Secretary with the qualifications of an Uber driver. He’s an unqualified fraud and he knows it, and so he seeks to remain quiet about it.
The Fox News reporter simply asked Pitiful Pete a question taken from public national intelligence data and Pitiful Pete blew a gasket. A well-qualified Defense Secretary would have calmly looked directly into the reporter’s eyes and softly, but authoritatively answered. “Yes, we have seen those reports, but we don’t find them to be credible. Next question.” Pitiful Pete took off on a tirade accusing the reporter of being the “worst of the worst.” But I wasn’t offended by that. Because I knew, I was the worst of the worst first!
It’s not difficult, as long as you remember the golden rule. The Trump Administration always lies, always. If the Trump Administration drops bombs. It was the greatest and most spectacular bombing ever in all of the history of mankind. And the bombs devastated everything! Everything! If the Trump Administration says it’s not raining, carry an umbrella. If they say it’s warm out, carry a jacket. It’s the reason Trump doesn’t own a dog. He’s such a lair the dog probably wouldn’t come if Trump called him anyway.
A supposed 880 pounds of enriched Uranium was removed. Seems like a simple enough job to move. But every pound of uranium must be carried in heavy lead lined boxes. Every pound must weigh at least 50 pounds or 44,000 pounds. Hence, the long line of trucks parked outside the facility, two days before the bombing. Maybe it was Honest Achmed’s Used Truck Emporium or an Iranian truck drivers’ Union meeting? JD Vance got up and gave a big interview about the bombing mission. Knowing full well, that every last word of it was all lies! Pitiful Pete’s outrage comes from exposing the Administration’s lies. You were not supposed to mention those things!
President Doofus took credit for NATO members upping their military budgets to five percent of GDP. Despite the NATO members agreeing to this several months ago. It’s not because of Donald Trump that the NATO members did this, but because of Vladimir Putin that they did this. It might also be because of Donald Trump, but just not in the way that Trump thinks. It’s simple, if it’s something good or perceived good happens. It was all Donald Trump’s idea. If it is bad, it’s all Joe Biden’s doing. TACO Trump Always Changes Options!
Trump demanded regime change, and then he didn’t. Trump demanded “Unconditional surrender!” He didn’t get that either. He was going to bring peace to Ukraine but gave up and pushed it behind the couch. Trump was going to teach the Houthis a harsh lesson. But they kept shooting back, so he quit. Trump was going to negotiate whirlwind trade agreements with everyone in thirty days. Never happened! Trump signs a trade deal with China! No, he didn’t. They signed a framework to sit down and negotiate a trade deal and they haven’t even started it yet. Caroline Leavitt to Beaver says Trump’s July 9th deadline for trade deals. Isn’t really a deadline, in the common deadline sense of the word. More of a friendly suggestion. Best results, if a trade deal is negotiated by July 9th. If at first you don’t succeed, move the goalposts!
Strangely, The White House pointedly announced Kim Don Trump has abandoned his plans to make Canada the 51st state. But just as pointedly, left out any mention of Greenland in their announcement! It’s not really what they say, so much as what they don’t say. If there were an actual free press working in this country, you would see reports besides mine. Chronicling the most unsuccessful Administration in recorded American History. The gang who can’t shoot straight. And the press who say they can.
So here is my other scoop. What really happened to Kristi Noem and my Aunt Fanny to the “Allergic Reaction” cover story! Since Kirsti’s tragic “allergic reaction” I have seen her on TV just once and only for just a moment. With heavy makeup on and slow talking. Do you know what happens if you displease Kim Don Trump? They airbrush you out of photos and just don’t mention you to the press anymore.
Tulsi Gabbard was certain Iran wasn’t building a bomb. And now she is! Hey look everybody! New intelligence data, I just happened to find! Iran was building bomb all along! Boy is my face ever red! Mr. Trump as always, was right all along! It’s sort of like the Trump/Elon saga. One minute, Elon hates Trump’s guts and says “Check out the Jeffery Epstein files! The next minute, gee, I’m sorry (and he is sorry too! ) I didn’t mean a word of it. Honest!
The media is shocked! Shocked I tell you! Zohran Mamdani wins the Democratic primary in New York City. A stunning upset over a disgraced former centrist Democratic Governor. To now go on to face a Trump aligned corrupt incumbent felon, white washed in exchange for his Quisling cooperation with ICE. Will Mamdani win? How could this ever happen? Trump calls Mamdani a “Communist Lunatic” Calling for free bus rides and baby boxes. Trump decries fees for high traffic congestion in the Big Apple. Free bus rides would help to eliminate the need for them.
Trump decries free day care as communism. Despite all of these things Mamdani is calling for being commonplace, all over the world. Except in the land of the free and the home of the Whopper. “When it’s time to relax. One beer stands clear, beer after beer. If you’ve got the time, we’ve got the Defense Secretary.”
“I feel that the dormant goodwill in people needs to be stirred. People need to hear that it makes sense to behave decently or to help others, to place common interests above their own, to respect the elementary rules of human coexistence.” ― Vaclav Havel
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