By David Glenn Cox
I heard CBS, the only television network which accurately describes itself. Claims their reason for ending “The Late Show” with Stephan Colbert was because it was too expensive. That and the changing landscape of television. Well, if the television landscape is changing, CBS certainly is not. I’ve seen more creativity in an eighth-grade art class.
Monday- “The Neighborhood” situation comedy. Another campy situation comedy, not unlike the kind you watched as a child. Followed by “The FBI,” exactly like the one you watched as a child, only without Ephrem Zimbalist Jr. But of course, keeping up with the times with new and exciting crimes. A cop show…what a clever premise. Why it’s so good they show two episodes back-to-back, because you just can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet pap. Just the same old cop shows I’ve watched for fifty years.
Tuesday- Say? Do you like cop shows on CBS? Because this is your lucky day! “NCIS!” NCIS: Origins followed by “NCIS: Sydney.” It’s different because it’s in a different country. After two hours of cop shows last night, three hours tonight! Plus, if your insomnia still won’t let go. “Big Brother,” now in its twenty -fifth season. And yet somehow, they claim to be losing money because of streaming. How can that be with this powerhouse lineup of cop shows, game shows and antiquated sitcoms?
Wednesday- How about some more “Big Brother?” You just can’t get enough…right? After twenty-five years, you still just crave more! Followed by…get ready, it’s “The Hollywood Squares! A game show but it’s different, because it’s at night! Then get ready and hold on to your seat! It’s “Elsbeth,” a comedy-drama cop show! A spin off from another failed TV show! I haven’t seen creativity like this since “Colombo’s Mother.” Gosh, what will they think of next?
Thursday- I know that you’re jonesing for it. It’s “Big Brother” again! Now in its second episode of the week of its twenty-fifth season! You just can’t get enough, can you? Followed by “George and Mandy’s First Marriage,” a crazy sit-com about a young couple in love. He’s a Cuban bandleader, and she’s a crazy redhead!
Oh, wait a minute, that was another sitcom. Followed by “Ghosts,” a sitcom where all the characters are dead. Talk about art imitating television! Followed by, they won’t ever let you down! A crime show! Huh? Huh? Pretty clever, huh? “Matlock.” Boy, the creative juices were really flowing hard when they came up with another spin-off. But this one is different from Andy Griffith’s version, because she’s a woman! Huh? Huh? This Matlock pees sitting down! Different, huh? How could they ever lose money? Bring back, She’s the Sheriff!
Friday- It’s time to let your hair down and let go! TGIF everybody! Let’s watch “Big Brother” again! Followed by “Fire Country!” A Hollywood model type convict is trying to redeem himself to society (Sounds plausible) and shorten his prison sentence. So, he’s joins the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection. One man dedicated to doing good deeds for society without ever mentioning Climate Change. Which necessitates the need for his good deeds being done. And then, back by popular demand, it’s “NCIS: Sydney” everybody! It’s different because it’s in a different country. The water swirls down the drain in the opposite direction with kangaroos! Huh? Huh? Solving crimes is different down under and solving them differently is exciting! Who can ever get enough of that good, good crime drama?
Saturday- It’s “Elsbeth” again! Because a spin-off of another failed TV show can just be that good. Followed by “48 Hours,” a hard-hitting news and investigative journalism program. In this week’s hard-hitting investigative journalism. They investigate the Black Dahlia murder! Ask your grandmother! It was a huge story after the world war. Will her 1947 killer ever be brought to justice? Followed by “48 Hours,” The Black Dahlia murder Part two! Because you can never have too much of that hard-hitting investigative journalism!
And yet, somehow the CBS Network claims it is losing money. How could that be? I bet a high school creative writing class could do a homework assignment to come up with a better premise for a TV show than CBS. But it’s streaming, that’s who’s the culprit. Streaming and the changing television landscape, that’s what it is! It’s not their outrageous lack of creativity and the absolute terror at trying something new or original. Or, as the old saying goes, “Imitation is the sincerest form of Hollywood.”
How about this; a giant spaceship on a five-year mission to seek out new life? No, we tried that already and cancelled it almost immediately. Okay, how about a series of paranormal and phycological thrillers taking place in this weird zone, where anything can happen? Too expensive! How about a series about a team of secret agents working undercover each week on impossible missions? Are you kidding? Who would be interested in that? CBS throws away better material than most networks ever had. Okay, one more! How about a family of Hillbillies who strike oil and move to Beverly Hills? Okay, I didn’t think so.
So, when you look, “The Late Show” with Stephan Colbert it encompasses about 98% of all of the humor and 100% of the intelligent satire on the entire Tiffany Network. Besides, it’s only number one in it’s time slot. It couldn’t be because CBS is pushing for a merger and needs Trump’s approval. It couldn’t be Fascism trying to silence a critic. No, it’s just too expensive!
I bet you’re asking yourself, but how can I get even more? You can join Paramount plus! And see shows like “Lioness!” An all-female CIA action series! Wow, does that sound exciting or what? I bet one week out of the month; you wouldn’t want to cross them!
A young couple from Canada are gaining popularity on YouTube. Building an off-grid farm in New Foundland. He’s done everything from Arctic camping, to panning for gold and transiting the Northwest Passage by himself. She’s a creative, who plays guitar, makes jewelry, sews and welds. Their secret? They’re really nice people. They’re genuinely nice people. They don’t have Hollywood haircuts or makeup artists. They don’t just portray new pioneers; they are new pioneers. They get dirty and they do hard work. One week, he jerry rigged an indoor shower. Huh? Huh? But it was real and genuine. A man building a shower for his wife. Not a designer bathroom shower, but a jerry-rigged shower. With propane water heater and a car battery powered water pump.
Honest television and sincere television. People taking a chance for a different life. The life millions of us might try, but don’t have the courage or the opportunity. So, we get to watch others genuinely following their dreams. Just because they want to and not for prize money or TV celebrity. One drop of real is worth more than a rain barrel full of imitation.
“Stuff your eyes with wonder, he said, live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.”
― Ray Bradbury,
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