This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

NEWSFLASH! The Federal government has taken over Union Station in Washington D.C. They’re going to make the trains run on time! Were you listening that day back in high school? They’re gonna fix this railroad problem of ours and make every boy and girl want a Lionel train under their Christmas tree. All we need to do is sweep up, wash a few windows and throw the homeless out, post a few armed soldiers, and the crowds will come thronging back.

I suppose every king or dictator needs a filigree of madness to them. Comes with the territory, I suppose. As soon as they make you a king, you start thinking about building a tower of Bable or a pyramid or something. Because it’s there. If there is a button there, they are going to push it. Just to see what happens next. Bring back the good old days of riding the train! In an effort to give legitimacy to this farce. The friendly media starts spewing noise about the fantastic railroads in Europe and China. Why can’t we do that? Because the United States is uniquely a poorly suited place for passenger railroads.

Greed and geography conspire against making the passenger rail market profitable. All of Great Britain would fit inside of Illinois or Georgia. France would be swallowed by Texas. Every mile of track adds to the cost of running the train. Passenger rail service was done in by Ford, Chevrolet and Chrysler, and to a lesser degree by American motors. And done in by an interstate highway system. Rail service works in the Northeast corridor because the distances are short, and the customers are abundant.

High Speed rail needs unobstructed land and where there is unobstructed land, nobody wants to go. You can’t make it profitable. After the rise of aviation, the railroad’s passenger carrying days were marked by a dark cloud on the horizon. We could build a high-speed rail network. We aren’t backwards or stupid. We just can’t afford it. There is just no way under god’s green earth to make it profitable or even a financially sound idea. The king and his tribe just got through cancelling high-speed rail in California.

It was political retribution, but it was also a fact the cost overruns were terrible. So, they cancel high-speed rail and two months later say. We need to fix up the railroads! “Look at this shiny new train! It’s got wheels underneath and seats inside it and it’s really high-tech. It’s got big windows for looking out of!” As the train speeds you safely to your destination. You could drive there in eight hours, or you could fly there in three hours. The railroad would be the slowest and most expensive way of getting there.

It’s not so bad being obsolete. Why take a covered wagon to California when you can fly? Nobody sends telegrams or Christmas cards anymore either. There are faster and easier methods of communication. As a boy, my mother would set up the card table. Boxes of Christmas cards on one side of the table and address book in hand! Spending a couple of hours sending out the season’s greetings! By addressing envelopes and licking stamps. We could all do that, but we won’t. It was fun in its time, like taffy pulls and sock hops. Hay rides and barn dances but those days are over. Nobody wants to do the lindy hop or the Charleston anymore.

Besides, it isn’t about the railroads or the trains. It’s about control of the terminal or the gate, so to speak. Conditioning the people to accept armed soldiers placed there for their own safety. They’re going to rebuild the business with plenty of armed men. “Papers Please!”

Are they afraid of something? Or is it just the crazy, insane dictator thug thing manifesting itself again? The king seems to have a special appreciation for the good old Ozzie and Harriet days. Henry Ford used to have this thing about dancing. He thought everyone should dance in square dances. No jazz! No dirty, stinking, filthy heathen jazz. Just square dancing and nothing else but! Delusional with a vision for how the world ought to be. What an idyllic society we could have if everyone just did like I wanted them to. Dance like I want them to dance. Go to church, work hard, ride the train and don’t complain. It is surreal, and it is madness, and we are living with it!

A country with mass shootings nearly every day indicts a man on felony charges for striking a Federal agent with a sub sandwich. The grand jury declines to prosecute. The government had blood in their eyes. Strike a government official, will you?  Hit them with a deadly fast-food product, will you?  Well, we’re going to show you! We are going to persecute you to the fullest extent of the law! But the grand jury said, nope. No, no, you won’t. Go sit down. Federal agents must now fear high-capacity, military style with cheese assault sub sandwiches.

They really wanted this one. Everybody saw it and it was so funny, like the keystone cops. When the agents were trying so hard to act so tough and flaunt their authority. “Take this club sandwich on whole wheat, Copper! The DA will never prosecute me! I’m on top of the world, Ma!”

No more talk about peace in Ukraine. Drip, drip, drip. It appears the parties in Alaska also discussed energy interests! Now, we’re getting somewhere. Now, we know what pissed the Russians off so. The Administration had suggested Russia open their energy market to a friendly little agreement with Exxonmobil. Otherwise known as hands up Comrade, this is a stickup! If you want anything from me, comrade, you had better let my friends take home a piece of your energy market.

Russia is back on its heels, and its economy is teetering. Mile long lines outside of gas stations. The type of things you famously see right before a collapse and our king. The great peacemaker and negotiator tries to rob them with a straight up extortion scam. It explains the military flyovers. Give us your oil company or No Deals!

It all falls into place and becomes clear. Alaska was an attempted robbery. That’s why everyone left all pissed off. No banquet or congratulatory toasts. No communiqués or proposed treaties. Just everyone leaving angry and now we know why. Big daddy was willing to help them. But first, they had to let big daddy wet his beak. What did you bring me in tribute? You must appease the king’s appetites first! Before asking for any of his favors.

What an illustration! What a glorious picture of the world as it truly is. The big media hype it up about a peace conference and trying to stop a war. And everyone buying in and reporting it as such. When it was nothing but a shakedown. A robbery, an attempted theft by authoritarian fascism. And I had wondered what had made the Russians so angry. When it should have been so obvious.

Thank you for reading “This Carbon-Based Life” No artificial chemicals or preservatives! Now with more truth!