By David Glenn Cox
The canonization of Saint Charlie Kirk continues unabated. Soon there will be signs in the heavens and he will appear to them. The Vice Principal called him “a martyr for the Christian faith.” Okay, stop. Let’s be real for a second. Don’t you think that statement is just a bit over the top? I mean, okay, I get it. It’s a eulogy but come on. You’re so casually going to include saint Charlie into the pantheon along with John the Baptist and Joan of Arc?
In a modern 21st century corporate religion, it makes sense. They plug in your heroes and villains like pancake specials at IHOP. And now Saint Charlie will perform his last service for the party. His corpse and memory will be used as a tool for raising funds and animosity. Remember Pearl Harbor and remember Charlie Kirk! Eulogized by the Vice Principal of the United States! Everybody knows how impressive he is! Everybody knows he wouldn’t just say something because they told him to. Everything he says is straight from his heart and is sincere.
It’s funny peculiar how these things can start. A man is given a task to do and does it so well those in authority wish they never been given to them. Back in ancient times, the orange nightmare AKA Big Baby assigned Mike Pence to be in charge of the team’s Covid response. But then as Covid swelled in public interest and the Big Baby took over and quickly pushed Mike out of the way. “Thanks’ Mike! I got it from here!” Reinforcing the theory Vice Principals should be seen and not heard. In an egomaniacal crummy moronic administration, that goes double.
But what’s this? The Vice Principal sent Airforce two to retrieve the corpse of Saint Charlie. Did he ask for permission about that? That’s kind of a big step if he didn’t ask somebody first. Maybe they don’t care? Maybe the monkeys are running the zoo now and don’t care what the other monkeys do. But I see an ambitious man breaking with the boss to carve out his own territory and identity, separate from the boss. And that is a political and a Bozo no, no.
The Vice Principal has no opinion or causes until the boss gives them to him. There’s something flawed about a Vice Principal going off the ranch a bit. Saying to America “look at me! I’m my own man! I’m not just a tool of a dirty, rotten, corrupt old man in Washington. “I’m different! I’m Mr. Clean! I’m real religious and I mean it. And I’m picking up my sword to fight for Jesus and Saint Charlie Kirk! And I hope I can count on your vote come election day. The Vice Principal is seeking to stake a claim on the Evangelicals when he shouldn’t be staking a claim on anything.
A clever cunning underling, scheming and conniving. Given a thankless Vice Principal task of attending funerals. But perhaps Shady JD does too good of a job. “Just bury the man and come right back!” But Shady, perhaps, sees an opening. Public sentiment is turning sour on the orange apocalypse. Maybe now is a good time to begin separating himself from the Big Baby and begin planning for JDs own political future.
It’s unprecedented what JD just did and did not do. He didn’t directly separate himself, only by his fire and brimstone sermonette that he did too good a job of it. By playing preacher he’s selling his own snake oil and not the King’s magic elixir message. “Look at me! I’m religious!” Real red meat for Republican skull fuckers. It’s the type of thing campaigns are built on. I can almost see the campaign brochure from here.
“In September 2025, when Saint Charlie Kirk was brutally murdered. One politician picked up his sword to fight!” And now he wants your vote!”
Shakespeare would advise all to be locking your bedroom doors at night. Cassius has a nasty habit of sleepwalking with his knife. Does Trump even realize it looks like JD is going into business for himself? Anticipating the public backlash already building a bulwark against Trump’s policies. JD puts the Christian before the Republican. He’s not like one of those awful Trump people. He’s a Christian!
If this is what’s going on, it points to pandemonium in the White House. Everyone sort of does their own thing and once a month they meet and have “show and tell” for the king. An elderly king in an ego driven bubble. An aged king with the attention span of a squirrel on crack. Everyone is clamoring for the king’s personal attention. Everyone is flattering the king. Everyone that is, except for one person. One person is trying out campaign speeches, when he’s supposed to be giving a eulogy.
Maybe they pay no attention to JD at all? Maybe they consider him a political lightweight, like I do. Trump was very specific in his choice of running mates. No one who was too tall or too short. No one with a funny sounding fourteen-character name. No one with peculiar facial features bald or red headed. White, male milk toast, plain and vanilla only. Simple, is a plus if you can find one!
“CAESAR: Let me have men about me that are fat,
Sleek-headed men, and such as sleep a-nights.
Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look.
He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous.
ANTONY: Fear him not, Caesar; he’s not dangerous.
He is a noble Roman, and well given.
CAESAR: Would he were fatter! But I fear him not.
Yet if my name were liable to fear,
I do not know the man I should avoid
So soon as that spare Cassius. He reads much,
He is a great observer, and he looks
Quite through the deeds of men.”
― William Shakespeare
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