By David Glenn Cox
It’s really hard to believe sometimes. Like living inside a cartoon. “He said what?” Really? The British press described it in a one-word headline. Sometimes, others see things in us we can’t easily see in ourselves. So, they synthesized the headline down to a single word. Your president, El Presidente, leader of the free world, was described as “DERANGED.”
The writer researched it and wrote it. The editor approved it. The boss approved it too! Legal approved it. And so, they published it. It’s very catchy, and it’s like the White Album. You automatically know who they are talking about. “DERANGED” Now, whoever could they mean? Who is deranged? And other questions strangers new to the area might ask.
If you think about it, it is a really tremendous headline. “Moon Landing” was two words. “Man on Moon” is three. “Victory in Europe!” or even “Nazi’s Quit!” We’re down to one word here, Mr. Orwell. A headline so simplistically stated, yet elegant in its execution. The too perfect headline. A headline which in a single word encapsulates the whole fucking story. “DERANGED.” And they blame the internet for ruining the newspaper business.
I already know who. Where is wherever they took the big baboon outside. Obviously, by the headline, the writer feels it didn’t go well. Why would I buy that newspaper? I think a better headline would have been “Oh, Man!” Leave some question in the reader’s mind. You’d still know who. Only now, there’s a question of personal survival interjected. That’s worth two bucks!
On the question of your personal survival, don’t ask. Europe teeters towards war, but don’t worry everybody. Donald Trump and 86 proof Pete Hegseth have the situation well in hand! Just because major world newspapers describe Mr. Trump as “DERANGED” is no real cause for alarm. Just when you think it can’t get any worse. Just when you think you should have listened to them about the brown acid, it gets worse.
The king claims sabotage! Simon Bar Sinister was plotting against him in the Honeycomb hideout to ruin the king’s speech. Dark operatives infiltrated the United Nations building system’s inner workings! “It’s all a part of my master plan! Sure, first, I’ll skitter up his teleprompter and then, ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Then and only then, I’ll turn off his escalator! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! All a part of my diabolical master plan! And not even Superman can stop me! I’ll have them all doubting Trump’s sanity!”
I think it’s only fair to mention during the king’s speech he was doing that thing with his mouth again. Where he almost slurs his words together and stumbles with difficulty to pronounce certain words. Stephan Hawking had to use a speech synthesizer, but it was worth hearing. See the difference? It’s just a by the by mention since Trump’s words hold so little redeeming value, anyway. What does Donald Trump think? About what? When? Yesterday? Today or tomorrow?
Trump meanders and moseys around about the good old days like grandpas often do. All about the time when he was young when he should have gotten the contract to remodel the whole place for $500 million dollars. An interesting anecdote to tell your friends at the backyard barbeque. Not the best story to tell the United Nations general assembly. The aggrieved contractor, who after all these years, still feels cheated and owed something. A Twilight Zone flashback of a small boy on a playground facing down his bullies. Those people who did that horrible thing to you have all retired and most are probably all dead by now. That was forty years ago. Let it go.
If the plan to squelch all of those ugly rumors of cognitive decline was by giving a power house speech to the UN. “Oh, Man!”
They laughed at him. Stoic statesmen and middle level apparatchiks laughed at the President of the United States as he dribbled out his nonsense. And it’s only then you can catch a glimpse of the world outside of the American media umbrella. How Americans are now desensitized to Trump and have lost their sense of revulsion and outrage. Soaked through to the skin by the firehose of outrage. We need someone distant and unattached to explain it to us. “DERANGED” Yes, I believe that covers it.
86 proof Pete Hegseth calls a special emergency meeting for everybody for Tuesday at a Marine Base in Virginia. All Generals and Admirals must report. Drop whatever you’re doing and come to Virginia immediately! The purpose of the meeting is hush, hush, but must be very important. But, but, but this is the Trump Administration. They could be selling Amway. “Gentlemen, raise your hand if you’re satisfied with your hand cleaner. This is your chance to get in on the ground floor!”
The meeting could be anything from the end of the world to discount gasoline at Kroger. New dental insurance opportunities or life insurance. It’s the Trump Administration, it could mean anything. The CIA’s new covert program investigating all things teleprompters or the FBI’s investigation into the murky underground world of escalators.
De- ranged, wildly irrational or uncontrolled. In retrospect, that title doesn’t work at all. Yes, he is deranged, but that is only one facet of the jewel in the clown. There is so much more than just deranged. The victimized child, who never got a puppy or bought him a sled. Sure, it was sixty years ago, but he never forgets. A psychological minefield in the city and county of “DERANGED.”
A muddled moronic maniac easily manipulated by his mundane handlers. Cranky by entitlement, Paranoid by temperament. Calling for an investigation of who framed Roger Rabbit! Who broke the escalator and who jiggered the teleprompter?
“DERANGED” says it all, but it doesn’t say near enough. Maybe someday we can all laugh about this, if we all survive, that is. NATO is threatening to shoot down Russian drones or aircraft in their airspace. And Russia answers, you do and it’s on! But don’t worry, Donald Trump and 86 proof Pete have a meeting scheduled for Tuesday.
“You do not become a ”dissident” just because you decide one day to take up this most unusual career. You are thrown into it by your personal sense of responsibility, combined with a complex set of external circumstances. You are cast out of the existing structures and placed in a position of conflict with them. It begins as an attempt to do your work well, and ends with being branded an enemy of society.”
― Vaclav Havel
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