By David Glenn Cox
It is really a good news, bad news scenario. After his disastrous senile performance before the top brass of the Pentagon. Donald Trump has apparently decided to take the day off. That’s always good news! A day with no one at the wheel is preferable to a day with Trump at the wheel. But, keep in mind, the duffer is almost eighty years old.
When you have a geriatric grandpa president with grandiose visions and Frankenstenian goals, it’s best not to let him out of your sight for too long. Maybe he’s just hiding after badly embarrassing himself. Maybe he’s swinging on his tire swing. But maybe he’s on a table in the White House basement with tubes and wires stuck in every orifice with machines rhythmically beeping. You don’t think they’d tell us the truth, do you? “The President is suffering from a slight head cold. He’s said to be sitting up in bed laughing and joking with his wife Malaria.”
So instead, yesterday we got a late summer replacement. The Shady JD Vance Good Time Hour. It went about as well as you would expect. You spend a fortune for theater tickets, and when you finally get there, you get the understudy. Shady JD thought racist cartoons of his opponents on the King’s social media were hilarious! Shady says, “The president likes to joke around. Come on, where’s your sense of humor?” Dignity of the office? What’s that?
Shady came out to explain how even though the Republicans now control the White House, the house of Representatives and the Senate. It’s the Democrats fault for the government shutdown. The problem arises from Felix not having anything new in his bag of tricks. “Listen up everyone! The shutdown is the Democrats fault. Even though the king gave us explicit instructions NOT to negotiate. This is all the Democrats fault!”
When oh, tell me when, doesn’t this administration NOT blame the other side for things they have clearly planned out in advance? But Shady JD is no salesman. He’s sidled with that toolish face made for radio, that broadcasts he’s lying no matter what his lips say. A general air of insincerity and disrepute. You already know ahead of time; JD will say whatever he’s instructed to say without any qualms or hesitation. He’s just a little man swimming in the deep end of the big pool with the big boys. Excited by his good fortune and nervous about his general abilities. He’s been fortuitously snatched from mendacity and obscurity, and he knows it.
“Cassius has a lean and hungry look.” No one can take the job as an understudy to an eighty-year-old king and not think about the obvious. If this old duffer chokes on a French fry, I’m king of the world! The king only picked Shady for his height. (Not too tall. Not too short) Not too many vowels or consonants in his name and no melanin issues. Sure, he’s dumb as a post. That’s perfect! They wouldn’t have picked him otherwise.
Think of Mike Pence as an affable dimwitt who would do what he’s told. But without the avarice to make any other plans. Mike Pence was at least dignified, religious, and trustworthy. Pence had no illusions about who he was working for. On January 6th, Mike Pence was told by the secret service to get in the car. So, they could rush the Vice president and his family to safety. Mike Pence was under no illusions. Pence told the secret service, “NO!” He refused to get the car, knowing it could be a one-way ride to visit Jimmy Hoffa.
What other evidence do you need? Mike Pence and family had a choice to make that day. Trust their luck, the angry, murderous mob calling for his blood won’t catch up with him or get in the car provided for him by Donald Trump? And Pence chose to take his chances with the murderous mob! What does that tell you? When the vice president knows the president so well, he wouldn’t get in the car.
Shady JD would get in the car. That’s why they picked him! But Shady fits in where Mike Pence never did. Pence had that nasty integrity streak. But think about it this way. The president sent a bomb proof bullet proof, armored car with tinted windows and armed men to protect him and Pence said “No!” Either Mike Pence is the bravest man to come along since Audie Murphy or Mike Pence didn’t trust the king any farther than he could throw him.
This brings us back to Shady JD. Is Shady so dimwitted he never spoke with Mike Pence? Has he ever stopped to ask why the crowd wanted Mike Pence’s head? Was it because of something Donald had said? Has it ever even occurred to him that he could be next? No, never, the lure of the bright lights and high positions is more than irresistible. He won’t do that to me! Sure, he’s done it to everyone else who has ever worked for him, but not to me! He likes me, he even said so!
Shady JD is holding a calendar in one hand and a calculator in the other. “Siri? What’s the life expectancy of an eighty-year-old man who eats badly?” His only chance for a promotion is through a funeral. His chances of being elected by a popular vote is a funeral. The Trump brand is not transferable. If Trump croques (Pardon my French) it’s Shady JD’s only chance for the brass ring. And if I had one word of advice for Shady, it would be. “Don’t get in the car, Shady!” No matter what they tell you, don’t get in the car.
But that is exactly the reason they picked ole Shady. They knew that no one would ever follow him. He was too dim to lead an insurrection or cause much trouble. They knew Shady was exciting in the same way a plain cheese sandwich is exciting. And if the king survives until 2028, Shady JD will be the actual heir apparent. The presumptive nominee for the wipeout of 2028. Inspiring no one, espousing only what he’s been told to espouse. Who is the real JD?
He’s a tool! He’s a flunky, a politically ambitious dimwit. A slimy conniving groveling back stabbing unprincipled tool! Social climbing professional politician grabbing hungrily for all he can reach with both hands and hampered only by his own stupidity. (Come on, can’t you take a joke?) The punchline is in the situation. The unsuspecting dumbass doofus who thinks he is really smarter than everyone else. When everyone else understands the real situation, except him.
Don’t get in the car Shady, don’t get in the car!
“Those who foolishly sought power by riding the back of the tiger ended up inside” ― John F. Kennedy
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