This Carbon Based Life

By David Glenn Cox

You would think that being the world’s richest man would have some connection to basic intelligence. Apparently, it is not so. Elongated Musk added a new tool to Twitter/ X (besides himself) showing the country of origin of the twitterer. Inadvertently exposing most of the MAGA accounts as being bots from Eastern Europe, Africa or Asia. I say this was a dumb move because he should have known better than that beforehand. Let’s assume he did know and had an ulterior motive.

Maybe he wanted to expose them to undercut the broken orange king. Maybe the peace treaty between Elongated and Hrump was all just a show. A smile while cursing under their breath. Fortunately for MAGA, the American media pays little attention to anything exposing Trump’s foibles or failings and quickly threw a wet blanket over yet another Trump scandal. Russia. Russia, Russia! Again and again and again!

I say Elongated should have known better because he uses the bots himself. It’s the reason I’m not on Facebook anymore, nor do I care to be. After Elongator’s role as head chainsaw operator and executioner of DOGE. Tesla sales began to sputter worldwide. Elongated was about as popular as a venereal disease. Step one. Disappear! Allow the public to forget about you for a spell. Step two. Hire an army of bots to say nice things about you.

One morning, I woke up and my Facebook page was buried in bots all with the same message. “Gosh, the Elongated Musk sure is a nice man! He sure does many good and wondrous works!” If you think freedom of the press is neat. You should really try the financially supported press for a while. It was amazing. Elongated was saving the world and helping minority children. He was generous, brave, thrifty, kind and trustworthy, everything a good boy scout ought to be sans the merit badges. But with the impediment of wealth, there was a slight tendency to overdo it. If a little is good. A ridiculous amount should be even better.

If there is one thing that Facebook really hates, it’s non-trivial thinkers and skeptics. Post all the pictures of your dogs or cats you want. Swap recipes, but leave politics and thinking to the paid subscribers. But Facebook’s eleventh commandment says, “Thou shalt not point out Facebook’s fallacies or policy of spreading paid propaganda.” If you have the money, honey, you can say whatever you like or hire someone or an army of someone’s to say whatever you like, for you.

My personal crime, besides being poor, of course, was to point out that what Facebook was doing was no different than what the Nazi Party had once done in Germany. One of the first purchases the Party made was an old second-hand printing press where they turned out a newspaper filled with stories all about the nice Nazis and the wonderful things they did. Getting stuck cats out of trees and helping little old ladies across the streets. Along with screaming vile editorials about their enemies. Facebook didn’t like the comparison. And if the shoe fits, BAN it!

I broke no rules and used no coarse language, but they kicked me out just the same. I incur the wrath of the corporate algorithm to this day. If I had the money and was willing to shell it out, I could say whatever I liked and as long as my checks cleared, I would remain in good standing with Meta. With enough money, thousands would praise my name. One great big internet super highway billboard filled with lies and corporate bullshit. So how could it be after Elongated had spent millions of dollars rehabilitating his own reputation that he did not know the mental midget morons of MAGA were doing the same thing?

Facebook began simply enough until the cooler heads with sharper pencils realized “There’s gold in them there morons!” Let them talk and cluck like chickens while we convince them chicken soup is the best thing ever! Watch and try this at home, Katie! Whenever Donald Trump or the Trump misadministration says or does something stupid. Go to YouTube and try to find news stories about it. (Don’t worry, it won’t take long.) The squelch is on! Whenever Trump wins, it’s big news. But when Trump loses…crickets! I got such a kick out of this one. The other night, Trump addressed McDonald franchisees. (Why? Because they paid him to.) Rent-a-President by the hour, week or the month!

Trump rambled on aimlessly about dishwashers, water pressure and Joe Biden. Crooked elections and his love for Filet a fish sandwiches. Franklin Roosevelt once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!” Ronny Reagun once said, “Mr. Gorbachev, Tear down this wall!” And Donald Trump left his rhetorical mark on western civilization by adding “We need more Tartar sauce!” He loves McDonalds, he loves their sandwiches and their money, but we haven’t reached that spiritual nirvana quite yet. “We need more Tartar sauce!” And then, the world could move on into broad sunlit uplands. Bloomberg reported it as, Trump praises franchisees for lowering prices.

I don’t know if the Bloomberg reporter was even listening to the same speech. Maybe the reporter was distracted by the open bar and just wrote something complimentary the next day. Following in the footsteps or that great Russian Soviet author Goodenough! The boss said we need 500 words on Trump’s speech, he never said that any of them had to be true.

Better than two weeks ago, I read the Federal Reserve minutes from their private meeting. I know what you’re thinking. Gosh, this guy is really cool and must lead an exciting and thrill packed life! But yes, I’m just that boring. Anyway, the Fed was extremely skeptical about lowering interest rates. From what I gathered; it wasn’t going to happen. But the media is filled with stories, “Will the Fed cut interest rates?” A 40% chance the Fed will cut interest rates! They’re making it up as they go and pulling it out of their backsides. The truth shall set you in the unemployment line.

I once wrote an article for a financial publication. All about the troubles Boeing was having with their new 737 Max jets. Quality control issues and electrical problems. The article was rejected, and it was all my fault. I was a novice and thought that maybe by warning investors of potential troubles ahead; I was doing a good thing. No, no, no, no! Never, ever, say anything negative about a corporation! When the 737s began falling from the sky, I took no pleasure. It’s always a good time to buy stocks! And even when it isn’t, it still is!

The only difference between American media and North Korean media is the color of the fat man in the picture. North Korean journalists know what they must do or go to prison. American journalists know what they must do or go to financial prison.  

“Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.” ― Hunter S. Thompson